TITLE: Material Possessions"
GENRE: Chic Lit
“I'm sorry, sir. I find no reservation in your name,” the clerk apologized but continued searching in the computer.
“You'll find it under my name
Miss Snark's First Victim
Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked - not enough to go on.
ReplyDeleteSorry, not hooked. But the closest I'll get to Chic Lit is Sigourney Weaver in ALIENS! ㋡
ReplyDeleteThis would be boring to experience, let alone to read about.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry. Give us a name, maybe, or a reason why it's so important to HAVE the reservation.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, I'm getting the "why should I care?" feeling
ReplyDeleteYou're setting up a problem (no reservation), and you start with action, so I think that's good. However, "the clerk apologized" is unnecessary. The clerk says, "I'm sorry." Cleaner to stop after "your name." Then: The clerk continued (staring at his computer screen? clicking his computer keys?).
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. You need something solid to start with. This seems like the middle of a story.
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction was "Huh?" Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe we're missing some information that comes in the next couple of sentences, but right now I'm a little confused: the clerk says there's no reservation in his name, and his response is to say "You'll find it under my name"? The clerk just said it's not there. Makes me think he's not really listening to her, and that'd irk me.
I'm not hooked either. Twenty-five words is a pretty small number to hook the reader. I'm certain it gets more hooky in the next few lines.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked - completely uninteresting.
ReplyDeleteChicK Lit is a genre - Chic Lit sounds like the title of an article in Vogue :)
ReplyDeleteNot hooked - there's nothing happening. What makes this person's reservation being lost unique?
Not hooked, sorry.
ReplyDelete