TITLE: Normal
GENRE: urban fantasy
Three sure signs that my evening would not go as planned: a big black
plume of smoke, six lanes of gridlocked interstate, and a complete
lack of sirens.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Miss Snark's First Victim
Love it!
ReplyDeleteSets up a great image and I like the tone of your narrator. A situation that is easy to relate to so I think you've got your readers saying "Yep, been there." Forms a good connection right out of the gates.
ReplyDeleteI like the syntax and the imagery. This gives me the feel of a sophisticated narrator.
ReplyDeletegreat start because it shows the narrator in trouble; only problem? that little colon. read agents and editors hate them. maybe rearrange the sentence so no colon is needed?
ReplyDeleteI thought it was okay as is, but it could be stronger if you actually showed us the traffic and the smoke and put us in the scene.
ReplyDeleteI happen to be fond of colons, so it works for me. I think it would help to have a tiny bit of setting to show what the smoke is rising above. You could do this by listing smoke second and the gridlock first. Good opening.
ReplyDeleteI like this as is. I don't think you need to "place" us in the scene (that should come next, I think), and the colon is fine because it serves the purpose of the list. And what works well with the list is that it gives the main character voice, so I'd keep it as is.
ReplyDeleteNice job. I'd read on.
ReplyDeletenice!
ReplyDeleteviagra bekasi
alat bantu seks jakarta
hammer of thor asli bekasi
viagra cod bekasi
jual viagra cod bekasi
hammer of thor cod bekasi
viagra asli cod bekasi
obat perangsang bekasi
alat bantu sex bekasi