TITLE: Boundary Street
GENRE: Memoir
This is the scene where Susan's future husband explains Chinese dating customs just before he proposes--and then kisses her for the first time.
"In China, couples traditionally date only if they plan to marry. It's not like in the US where people date casually until they meet someone they want to marry."
The Chinese way was so different--and I liked it. It seemed so straight-forward and risk-free. There was no wondering if he'd still want to meet every night or if he'd run away after he told me about his daughter and failed marriage. Yes, I thought, I could deal with the Chinese way.
He looked me straight in the eyes. "So would you like to start dating?"
"Yes, of course."
Liu fidgeted as he looked away from me. "Can I kiss you?"
"Yes." I spoke quietly, yet with a newfound self-assurance. When he stood up, I followed his lead.
After a long kiss, Liu held my hands in his, gazing into my eyes.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Love that Liu asked permission. It made the kiss sweeter.
ReplyDeleteIs this also the marriage proposal, or are they already engaged? What is her reaction to this affirmation of the courtship?
ReplyDeleteVery interesting...
Yes, very sweet, and curse the word count! I liked that this left me with lots of questions about their relationship.
ReplyDeleteAh, I think you cop out here: "After a long kiss ..." I'm not one to recommend detailed description, but you need to at least show the motion of it, her leaning in, him leaning in, lips touching, how it made her feel. Not just skip the whole event and jump to him holding her hands!
ReplyDeleteNo offense to Sara, but I think you don't need to describe the kiss. The point (at least what I think the point is) was to show us how different the Chinese way was. You explained it briefly and then showed us with him asking to kiss you.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful.
I'm with Sarah. I wanted to see the kiss. The scene is too cold and unemotional without it. It's like two people signing a business contract. If you want it to have that feel, then this is fine, but if you want the reader to see that they really care about, and are committed to each other, I think you need to show the kiss.
ReplyDeleteThis is a sweet scene, but it's emotionless. What is she feeling and experienceing? I want you to show her nerves, her excitement, her passion, her...anything. Show us the kiss, let us experience with her, don't just tell us it happened.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree. No emotion. It left me a bit flat. But I did like the information about the chinese way.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I agree that you need to include at least some brief description of the kiss and a little more emotion.
ReplyDeleteI don’t have any sense of the characters here. No idea what they’re thinking or feeling.
ReplyDelete