TITLE: Unvisible
GENRE: YA paranormal
I hated this part.
The bell rang exactly four minutes and forty-eight seconds ago. Which meant I had twelve seconds to get through the next door. I was a hundred yards away, the hall was too crowded for me to run like a normal person, and with AP calculus, I had little hope someone would show up later than me to slip in behind.
Perfect attendance record, gone. Not that they'd give the boy they couldn't see a certificate.
I skidded toward the door. Closed, of course. Mrs. Harper always closed the door, like she worried someone would want to spy on her lesson. Not likely. Except, well, for me.
Eighteen days without a missed class. Not bad, but nowhere near last spring's forty-seven-day stretch--lots of art classes and two P.E.s. That's what I got for challenging myself this semester ... and drinking
two cokes at lunch. I knew better than that.
I couldn't pick up Mrs. Harper's monotone through the thick walls, but stuck around anyway, hoping for a straggler. No luck.
Of course it was this hour I got stuck. The worst hour. The last hour before the seventeen I had to spend alone. Maybe I'd go out tonight. I peeked out the nearest window. It didn't look like rain. Probably safe.
Probably wasn't good enough. Getting caught in the rain meant bigger problems than my discomfort level. Like the body-shaped hole I created when I stood in it.
I checked my watch. Still time to make it to the library.
Miss Snark's First Victim
This is a cool concept here. I liked the line:
ReplyDeletePerfect attendance record, gone. Not that they'd give the boy they couldn't see a certificate.
I'd read on as I want to know what's up with the MC.
I love this! The line 'with AP calculus, I had little hope someone would show up later than me to slip in behind.' really made me smile.
ReplyDeleteMore please! I particularly like the title.
I loved this one. The first line gives me a bit of trouble though. It makes it seem like his dash across the yard is an everyday occurrence, but he then says he had perfect attendance before this. Might consider just dropping it. Great job though. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is great. I'd definitely keep reading.
ReplyDeleteIf i'm reaching for something to tell you (and again, this is a stretch) I was a bit confused bu the opening line in comparison to his perfect attendance record. At first, i didn't know how, if he had a perfect attendence record, he would have a past experience in hating not making it to class. BUT, further reading cleared it up for me. I was just a bit confused until i got to the end. But again, this is me stretching for something to tell you.
Great job!
This is really awesome!
ReplyDeleteI love this! Your MC has desperation in their voice. I loved the line: Perfect attendance record, gone. Not that they'd give the boy they couldn't see a certificate.
ReplyDeleteThis line: Except, well, for me. (Feels like it would make more sense without the for.)
I've read this first page on a couple writing sites and every time I finish reading it, I want to read more. I like the character's voice and I like that we start with a twist on a common situation (being late for class).
ReplyDeleteCount me as hooked.
ReplyDeleteLiked this the first time I read it here; still like it.
ReplyDeleteOhhhh I like this! Invisible isn't something I see often, and the voice is well-executed.
ReplyDeleteI think it starts to pick up around the second paragraph because that's when I began to realize that something isn't normal.
I'm very curious about what sort of life your MC lives. Why even bother with school when no one can see you? What makes him a good person, someone who cares about attendance and calculus? What happened to him? Where and How does he live? does he have a family?
I'm intrigued.
My reaction was similar to those posted above. I've read it before and want to read the rest!
ReplyDelete