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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Logline Critique, Round 1 #37

TITLE: Unwritten
GENRE: Fiction with Strong Romantic Elements

Superstar Katherine Hayes has built her career on the love and approval of her fans, but when her estranged mother threatens to sell her darkest secrets to the highest bidder, she is forced to face her painful past to repair her reputation, or risk it all for an unexpected chance at love.
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15 comments:

  1. Shiela Calderón BlankemeierSeptember 28, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    I think this sounds great! My only question is what kind of superstar is she? Actress? Singer? It's important only because some superstars do better with a bad reputation so we need to see why this is a problem. Does she work for Disney? Christian rock star? See what I mean? :) Good job!

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  2. Lori M. LeeSeptember 28, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    I like this a lot! Although I'd like to know more about how risking it all equals a chance at love since the entire logline appears to be about her reputation and her past.

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  3. staceyleeSeptember 28, 2011 at 12:50 PM

    Begins well, but a bit ambiguous at the end. "Risk it all" might be sort of cliche-y; give us something more specific?

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  4. SujaSeptember 28, 2011 at 12:56 PM

    Loved it. But the part - risk it all for an unexpected chance at love. - was vague. But love the conflict here.

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  5. Jessica LeakeSeptember 28, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    I thought this was clear and concise. I would definitely read it :).

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  6. KimberlyFDRSeptember 28, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    I like this! Specify what kind of superstar she is, as well as how her chance at love relates to her secrets (why would telling the truth jeopardize her chance at love?)

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  7. samsevernSeptember 28, 2011 at 3:26 PM

    The last line ("or risk it all for an unexpected chance at love") is really all I'd suggest you make clearer, otherwise this logline is truly SUBLIME!

    GOOD LUCK!

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  8. TKAstleSeptember 28, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Well done on packing a lot into a few words. You need to fix your genre, though. "Fiction" is not a genre.

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  9. Christina EarlySeptember 28, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    This sounds really interesting, though I'd like to know what her career is (use a specific rather than the general).

    Also, I'd probably relabel it as women's fiction.

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  10. historybenderSeptember 28, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    Your writing is clean and tight. Good stuff. I would like a nice tidbit on what the secret is--not the whole thing, just a whisper of info. Great job. Oh and like the above said, fix the genre.

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  11. EmilyRSeptember 28, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    I'd classify your book either as romance or women's fiction, and I'd use Katherine's first name again instead of "she." I don't understand how facing her painful past can repair her reputation?

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  12. Holly BodgerSeptember 28, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    From what I can tell, her goal is to repair her reputation which implies that the mother DOES spill the secrets in order to incite this book. Otherwise, I would expect her goal to be to find a way to shut her mother up. Either way, I think this needs to be more clear. As written, it sounds like her goal is to "face her painful past" which is a little too vague and intangible. If I've completely missed the boat and her goal is actually something like to fix/silence her skeletons before her mother spills them first, then you definitely need to note that here.

    I also don't understand what she is risking for love (her reputation? her career?) or how she could take a risk for something unexpected. Is she going to throw it all in so she can go on a blind date?

    Best of luck!
    Holly

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  13. AnonymousSeptember 28, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    Wow, I think you did a great job. Sounds like a professional log line--enough info so we understand genre and plot and makes me want to read on!

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  14. AnonymousSeptember 29, 2011 at 8:09 AM

    Well done! My only recommendations would be to tell us what kind of superstar she is, cut the threatens to spill the secrets (becuase the mother obviously does if her reputation is ruined) and clarify what risk it all means (the phrase is a tad cliche). Great job.

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  15. BronSeptember 30, 2011 at 6:03 AM

    I think 'superstar' would work better as an adjective rather than a noun, eg. superstar singer, or superstar author.

    When you say 'her darkest secrets' you are technically referring to Katherine's mother, as she was the last one mentioned in the sentence.

    I'm also not sure whether the story is about Katherine facing her past or the chance at love. If she does one is she unable to do the other?

    Overall I thought this was good, but a few tweaks would make it even stronger.

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