No. This one was close for me, but my initial reaction to reading it was: "Aren't we all born mooning the world?" I mean, we're all born naked. If you're going for a mental picture of a breached birth, then this just didn't do it for me for some reason.
No. It's short and to the point and clear, but since the story is probably not from the baby's POV, this feels like something tossed in to add artificial pop instead of placing us in the moment.
I might feel differently if I saw what came immediately after, but as a stand alone, my answer is no.
No. Agreed that since we're all born naked, this doesn't exactly set the MC apart for me. But maybe we're meant to be intrigued by the fact that the MC chooses *this* part of being born to focus on. Which I kind of like. But not really enough.
No. Until I read the comments, I was baffled. Now it makes sense, but it feels like hearing the punch line before the joke. I think more set up would bring out the humor.
This one was close for me because it does set up a humorous side of your narrator, but we're all born mooning the world. And if you're trying to utilize the image of a breech birth, then I'm not sure humor should be the right way to go.
Yes. I agree that technically it doesn't quite bring up the image, but that's not really the point, I don't think. It says quite a bit about the character. Someone who describes their birth like that seems to me to be a very "Tom Sawyer" sort of attitude, a scoundrel.
If the MC is trying to say he was born butt-first, I don't think this was an effective way to say that. The image was confusing to get straight in my head and I don't even know if I got it right.
Yes. While we're all born naked, we're not all born "mooning the world." There's an attitude, a voice, that comes across in the choice of words. Don't know, though, if this is a prankster character or a character who sees the mooning as a sort of "flipping off" to the world. I'd read on to find out!
No. It's close, but just not there. Anything that starts with "I was born" reminds me of David Copperfield (and then Catcher in the Rye), so it then has set itself apart immediately, and this just didn't do it for me. It's funny, but not quite funny enough for me to really care.
No. I agree that it's *almost* there, but I need something else to make this one stand out. As others have gotten at, what made this naked baby different than all other naked babies?
It was close, though, and I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt. Technically, we're all born mooning the world, but I do like the attitude and irreverance that comes across with the observation.
But this is entirely a sentence that I'm prepared to take on faith that it relates immediately to what's going on in the current scene.
If this sentence is followed by a bunch of exposition about how much of an irreverant attitude the narrator has, then you've lost me. If the sentence is followed by immediate action/consequences where the MC is doing something similar, showing that he hasn't really changed all that much, then I'll find it homorous. (Except mooning strikes me as YA... I might be wrong though)
If, however, this turns into a werewolf story, I will heavily roll my eyes at the over-the-top moon reference on line one.
No. My first thought was also, aren't we all? Then, I realized oh, no we aren't, but I wonder if a teen is going to pick up on that subtlety. After all, I've even given birth twice and i had to pause a minute. I don't think you want that on your first line. But, (no pun intneded) I do like the idea/humor- can you rephrase it slightly?
No. I was born butt-first and I sure wouldn't want to read a book about me. It is funny, and maybe with some context it might work, but as a stand-alone first line it didn't really make me want to read what was next. Sorry.
Many of you are saying we're all born naked, which is true, but "mooning" is a deliberate juvenile act. (and yes, some of my friends and I went "mooning" one night in high school). So, to me, I see a rebel in the first sentence. It's like he flipped off the world as soon as he arrived and has been flipping it off ever since. I sense the posibility of redemption in this story.
Yes! I could picture this immediately (cute baby butt!). I'd love to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteYes! After that sentence, I just couldn't put it down.
ReplyDeleteNo. This one was close for me, but my initial reaction to reading it was: "Aren't we all born mooning the world?" I mean, we're all born naked. If you're going for a mental picture of a breached birth, then this just didn't do it for me for some reason.
ReplyDeleteCan I say maybe? I feel like I've seen this line before.
ReplyDeleteNo. Close for me but not quite enough to draw me in.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's short and to the point and clear, but since the story is probably not from the baby's POV, this feels like something tossed in to add artificial pop instead of placing us in the moment.
ReplyDeleteI might feel differently if I saw what came immediately after, but as a stand alone, my answer is no.
Yes. It was humorous and I'd keep reading to get more of this voice.
ReplyDeleteNo. Agreed that since we're all born naked, this doesn't exactly set the MC apart for me. But maybe we're meant to be intrigued by the fact that the MC chooses *this* part of being born to focus on. Which I kind of like. But not really enough.
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteAs has been said, we all come into the world in a similar fashion so there's nothing there to stand out.
Yes. The sentence got an immediate 'hehe' out of me and made me want to see what came next.
ReplyDeleteNo. Until I read the comments, I was baffled. Now it makes sense, but it feels like hearing the punch line before the joke. I think more set up would bring out the humor.
ReplyDeleteYes! More please!
ReplyDeleteYes, this is funny.
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteThis one was close for me because it does set up a humorous side of your narrator, but we're all born mooning the world. And if you're trying to utilize the image of a breech birth, then I'm not sure humor should be the right way to go.
Yes.
ReplyDeleteThere is humour here. For me. But weren't we all born mooning the world? :D But you got voice off the bat. So I am sold.
No. We're all born that way so it doesn't feel like anything original.
ReplyDeleteYes. You made me laugh and that pretty much ensures I'll keep reading.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteJust got the image of a breech birth couldn't draw a paranormal connection with that.
No.
ReplyDeleteI almost said Yes but then I read it again and couldn't figure out how you moon the entire world at birth. It's really close though.
Yes. I agree that technically it doesn't quite bring up the image, but that's not really the point, I don't think. It says quite a bit about the character. Someone who describes their birth like that seems to me to be a very "Tom Sawyer" sort of attitude, a scoundrel.
ReplyDeleteYes. It's funny and irreverent and I like the voice, so I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteYes. Starting with humor worked for me, dispite the over saturation of YA/Tween paranormal stuff. If I didn't know the genre - I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteIf the MC is trying to say he was born butt-first, I don't think this was an effective way to say that. The image was confusing to get straight in my head and I don't even know if I got it right.
No. A lot of babies are born butt-first.
ReplyDeleteNo. For the same reasons as others have stated. All children are born naked so essentially everyone is born mooning the world.
ReplyDeleteNo. My first thought was, "Aren't most people?"
ReplyDeleteYes. Voice is funny and I want to hear what else s/he has to say and how this ties in to the plot/character.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteBecause there's nothing that stands out about that statement.
No. For me, too cute - maybe if it had more afterward, making clear this is a funny way of saying breech birth.
ReplyDeleteNo, a little to obvious for me. Everyone is born mooning the world.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteIt's a great line and tells me the author has a cheeky sense of humor, pun intended.
Yes! This shows voice, and shows a bit about the MC - they've been cheeky since they were born. I'd definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteYes. While we're all born naked, we're not all born "mooning the world." There's an attitude, a voice, that comes across in the choice of words. Don't know, though, if this is a prankster character or a character who sees the mooning as a sort of "flipping off" to the world. I'd read on to find out!
ReplyDeleteNo- it just doesn't grab me. there's no real tension just a statement. How is this important?
ReplyDeleteYes. This made me smile! Simple, but the voice is clear.
ReplyDeleteYes. I want to know why that's important.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's close, but just not there. Anything that starts with "I was born" reminds me of David Copperfield (and then Catcher in the Rye), so it then has set itself apart immediately, and this just didn't do it for me. It's funny, but not quite funny enough for me to really care.
ReplyDeleteNo, but I do agree with the others. The voice is there,
ReplyDeleteNo. I agree that it's *almost* there, but I need something else to make this one stand out. As others have gotten at, what made this naked baby different than all other naked babies?
ReplyDeleteCheeky! It made me laugh, so yeah, I'd continue on.
ReplyDeleteNo. It made me chuckle, but it didn't make me interested.
ReplyDeleteYes! Cute, and sets the stage. She's not mooning the hospital staff, the setting feels like the outdoors, a little wild.
ReplyDeleteYes! Funny commentary on the way a person is born.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteIt was close, though, and I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt. Technically, we're all born mooning the world, but I do like the attitude and irreverance that comes across with the observation.
But this is entirely a sentence that I'm prepared to take on faith that it relates immediately to what's going on in the current scene.
If this sentence is followed by a bunch of exposition about how much of an irreverant attitude the narrator has, then you've lost me. If the sentence is followed by immediate action/consequences where the MC is doing something similar, showing that he hasn't really changed all that much, then I'll find it homorous. (Except mooning strikes me as YA... I might be wrong though)
If, however, this turns into a werewolf story, I will heavily roll my eyes at the over-the-top moon reference on line one.
Yes. Very funny and I immediately get it (that is, assuming the narrator was born breech.)
ReplyDeleteNo. My first thought was also, aren't we all? Then, I realized oh, no we aren't, but I wonder if a teen is going to pick up on that subtlety. After all, I've even given birth twice and i had to pause a minute. I don't think you want that on your first line. But, (no pun intneded) I do like the idea/humor- can you rephrase it slightly?
ReplyDeleteYes. What a way to start your life, haha.
ReplyDeleteNo. I was born butt-first and I sure wouldn't want to read a book about me. It is funny, and maybe with some context it might work, but as a stand-alone first line it didn't really make me want to read what was next. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteYes. This is hilarious, and I want to see where you're going with it.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI actually like the attitude inherant in the voice, but I think I've heard Bart Simpson use that line, or close.
Yes. I get a good sense of the voice, and it's funny (I will almost always vote for funny).
ReplyDeleteYes. It made me smile, and want to know what comes next.
ReplyDeleteNo. As others have said...felt like I heard this one before.
ReplyDeleteNo. I was.......doesn't work for ....passive...but the mooning the world did get my attention
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteMany of you are saying we're all born naked, which is true, but "mooning" is a deliberate juvenile act. (and yes, some of my friends and I went "mooning" one night in high school). So, to me, I see a rebel in the first sentence. It's like he flipped off the world as soon as he arrived and has been flipping it off ever since. I sense the posibility of redemption in this story.
And I laughed.
No. This doesn't sound like a natural part of whatever scene it's in, like it's trying too hard.
ReplyDeleteYes - if he/she was born butt first. Which happens! But if it's just a clever way to show character, I'd say no.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteIt made me pause for a second, and then made me laugh. And while we're all born naked, we're not all born butt first.
Yes. It's clever and simple --makes me want to read on.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had a more specific explanation, but it just didn't appeal to me.
Yes. It's funny. I think the MC is flipping off the world. Perhaps a bit of a jokester.
ReplyDeleteYes. A breech being a metaphor for the rest of the person's life is funny. Not the way I said, but the way it was introduced.
ReplyDelete