TITLE: In Genevieve's Grotto
GENRE: YA Fantasy
Jemma’s parents have always had one rule for her: don’t get caught. So when she nearly drowns an entire school and everyone in it, they flee to their hometown, Pequot Woods, Minnesota. Only, in Pequot, Jemma isn’t the only one with a secret.
The town is run by an underground society focused on the education of Elderlings, people with a gift for controlling the elements. People like Jemma – sort of. The thing is, she’s not even normal for an Elderling. The telepathic link she shares with her new neighbor, Cole isn’t supposed to exist. Even weird has its limits.
It’s probably the worst thing that could happen to her, having to share her head with a guy. Let alone one that – erm… looks like Cole. But their connection proves pretty useful when she’s attacked. With his help, she sets out to uncover the reason this cult of masked psychopaths wants her dead. When she learns that they believe she’s connected to a hell-bent dictator, and that somehow, her death could prevent his rise, she wishes she could go back to just drowning schools. But when her hunters turn to destroying the things – and people – she’s come to love, she realizes that there’s no going back. To save her friends, her family, and the life she’s come to know, she’ll have to figure out how to convince this cult that she isn’t the enemy, and that she’s no ally to this tyrant. Unless of course, she discovers that she is.
Thank you for your time and your consideration. The completed manuscript is available upon request. I look forward to hearing from you.
Miss Snark's First Victim
No. I loved your first line! I was hooked, but then I got lost in the plot.
ReplyDeleteNo. Not based on the query alone. The first paragraph was confusing. Don't get caught at what? It didn't hook me.
ReplyDeleteA hesitant yes. Your third paragraph was a tad bit confusing, but the first paragraph hooked me enough that I'd read pages.
ReplyDeleteNo. The story idea sounds good, but the first paragraph was confusing due to its vagueness (don't get caught at what? and how does she almost drown the entire school?) and the rest was confusing because there are so many references to world-elements for which I have no context.
ReplyDeleteYes. I loved your hook and the plot sounds interesting, but I don't understand how the telepathic link with Cole ties in.
ReplyDeleteA very close one for me. What is it about Cole that makes the link uncomfortable. I might ask for your first chapter.
ReplyDeleteNo. The hook is good but then the query just trails off. I barely skimmed the last paragraph. Too much story, highlight the dilemma.
ReplyDeleteNo. This was a tough one for me. I really liked your first two paragraphs, but there was just too much stuff in your third paragraph that seemed to come out of left field.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI stopped reading at "nearly drowns an entire school." People drown schools flood.
Yes - the first paragraph was confusing, but the query picked up steam. I liked the voice.
ReplyDeleteYes. Love some of the writing, especially the first line. Third paragraph got a little confusing, but I'd check it out.
ReplyDeleteNo. Very, very close though. Focus it more. Is this a romance (as sharing your head with a hot guy makes me think) or a struggle to survive? You can have both, but focus on one in the query.
ReplyDeleteNO. Not sure what's going on. But it was close, as part of it caught my eye.
ReplyDeleteA tentative yes. However, the query could use some simplifying. Also, I'd like to know from the first paragraph that she's got magical abilities.
ReplyDeleteI would ask for pages, but your novel needs to be less confusing than your query. I really like the first paragraph. It's the third one that gets a little confusing. And I have no idea of the length, so you might fix that.
ReplyDeleteNo. As a parent, the "don't get caught" bothers me as their 'one rule.' However, this is YA and the target market is not a parent I guess. I like how the first 2 paragraphs progress. Paragraph 3 is too long and tmi, but the last 2 sentences of P-3 are good.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteThis is close but you are telling us the "why" before the "what" which is creating more confusion than necessary. Try to establish what is going on (someone wants her dead) before you establish what she needs to do about it.
On the fence with this one. The premise is interesting, but I can't tell from the query how much of this novel humorous and how much is dark thriller.
ReplyDeleteTentative yes. I'm interested, but you really lost me in paragraph 3. I like it enough to see how it plays out in writing.
ReplyDeleteNo. I was hooked to begin with, but then things go too complicated and you lost me.
ReplyDeleteNo. Just not for me, I think.
ReplyDeleteNo. There were parts that intrigued me, but overall, I didn't get a good sense for why things were happening. All the things happening to her seem random.
ReplyDeleteYes. Definitely curious enough to take a peek at the pages.
ReplyDeleteHesitant yes since the first couple lines caught my interest. However, the third paragraph is long and confusing. I'd probably read pages.
ReplyDeleteYes. The query was a bit hard to follow, but there are a lot of interesting elements here. I'd like to see what you do with it.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't really be interested--not my thing. But good first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the idea of it, but there were too many kind of weird spots in the query that put me off.
ReplyDeleteYes - I'm intrigued, but I do think there's almost too much going on in the query. I want to know a little more about Cole, a little less about why Jemma moved to Pequot.
ReplyDeleteNot for me. It seems like a paranormal romance but it needs a hint of what makes it stand out in the genre.
ReplyDelete