TITLE: UNDECIDED
GENRE: YA contemporary
High school graduation: Check. College Apps: Check. Actually deciding where to start the rest of your life: Uhhh.
For Ryan, deciding where to go to college is easy: he lets someone else choose. His girlfriend Marcy’s the planner, not him. And he’d rather not think about all the changes graduating and leaving home will bring. Then their chosen school, Texas Central, cuts their soccer program. One more thing he’ll have to give up now that high school’s done. But he doesn’t think there’s anything he can do about it. He’s already committed to both TC and Marcy.
His neighbor Summer learned the hard way that avoiding decisions doesn’t make them go away. Like last June, when she missed her chance to cross the friends’ line with Ryan. She’s spent the last year avoiding him, denying the mistake she made—but that has to stop. She has one more of year of high school, but Ryan’s leaving soon. It’s time she let go of the past and fixed their derailed friendship—especially since she might be the only one who can help him figure out what he wants from the future.
If Ryan and Summer can’t learn to start calling the shots in their own lives, they’ll never reach their goals—and they’ll all end up where they don’t belong. UNDECIDED, complete at 60,000 words, should appeal to fans of Susane Colasanti and Jenny Han.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Yes. The language could use some tightning/grammar checking, but I like the concept and the stakes are clear.
ReplyDeleteNo. Well laid out query, but I didn't like Ryan. What's redeeming about him?
ReplyDeleteYes. I think you handled the dual viewpoints well in the query, and I'd be interested to see how it's handled in the story.
ReplyDeleteNo. Your hero doesn't appear to have a backbone. He has to have a redeeming quality from the beginning or I won't cheer for him.
ReplyDeleteAt first it was a yes, but then it became a no. This sounds like its main focus is the romance, and I'm not sure why I should cheer for it to succeed since one character is happily partnered and the other one sounds a little controlling ("she might be the only one who can help him figure out what he wants from the future").
ReplyDeleteCaught between a yes and a no. I can relate to the story but the dilemma puts me off. Add a bit of how Summer can help Ryan.
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm not interested in a story where one of the main characters is weak.
ReplyDelete(Give me some hope he'll change right in the query!)
No. Loved the opening paragraph—great voice. The second paragraph feels a little backstory-ish, and, like others have mentioned, Ryan comes off as a weak character. Then, the transition to Summer felt jarring. I think the concept sounds interesting enough—I'd probably have said yes if those elements of the query had been a little stronger (especially regarding Ryan's character).
ReplyDeleteNo. I think you're query is well written, but I agree with Kayla, Ryan sounds like too weak of a character for me to root for.
ReplyDeleteNo. While this reads strong, and I can clearly see how the novel format might look from dual-POVs, Ryan is immediately uninspiring for a protagonist and I don't know why I would want to read about him.
ReplyDeleteYes, because I like the idea that we often let our lives unfold without stepping in. Protags have a lot to learn.
ReplyDeleteNo. The conflict isn't exciting enough for me. Ryan seems pretty apathetic about everything, even soccer. Also, I want to read a story where I'm not sure how things will end up ... and I can pretty much guess where things are going to go here. I'd suggest making the soccer thing more high-stakes, and give Summer more of a reason for making things right with Ryan.
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ReplyDeleteNo - I'm not sure I'd want to follow undecided people for a whole novel.
ReplyDeleteNo, but for personal taste reasons. I'm not a huge fan of split perspectives, and from this query that's what I'm guessing happens. If the story stays from Ryan's point of view, then fine, but I get a sense that half of it is written from Summer's.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'd definitely want to see more of this. I think it's a common situation teen readers would relate to easily and I like the romance element. I'd request to see where it goes and how much intrigue is maintained despite the emotional drifting going on. That drifting perspective is realistic to the age group so it's not a turn off on its own; I'd just need to be sure the story is interesting enough beyond the confusion about their future. Also, I think you're probably spot on with the your author comparisons and that would impress me. If there is alternating POV, which it seems like there is, you need to specify that in the query, I think.
ReplyDeleteYes. I don't Ryan came across as weak. Just as a teenager with no clue. You might want to show something quirky/adorable/redeeming about him upfront though if you want someone to hang in there long enough.
ReplyDeleteYes, because I have known way too many people like Ryan and I would love to see him grow a backbone before Marcy plans his whole life out for him, down to the socks he should wear. It's so easy to let others make decisions for you, which is a decision in itself, but to find the courage to take risks on your own makes a good coming-of-age type story.
ReplyDeleteNo. I didn't like the perspective shift. Also, like others have noticed, neither character sounds particularly appealing.
ReplyDeleteNo. Letting someone else choose where you attend college doesn't seem plausible to me. Makes me think this boy isn't very bright to begin with. Yes, Undecided is a good title, but maybe leaning toward "uncertain" (not as a title) may be a better plot path to follow...?
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ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI was optimistic at the first sentence, but the next two paragraphs were two disconnected and I just didn't care. The stakes seemed blah.
A tentative no, but I would reconsider if you could up the stakes to show that Ryan would be compelled to change and make Summer a stronger character. (Right now, they sound similarly passive.)
ReplyDeleteI want to say "Maybe" but then Authoress will yell at me so I will say, "Yes" with some buts...
ReplyDeleteYou need to make it clear who your main character is here. The beginning sounds like it's Ryan but then Summer comes in out of nowhere and makes it sound double POV. If it is double POV, the first line doesn't make sense.
No. Apparently if I were an agent I wouldn't be seaking YA contemporary. The query is fine, the premise is alright, just didn't hook me in any way. I guess I'm gaining a better understanding of that 'subjective' thing agents speak of.
ReplyDeleteYes. I like the way you managed to show two POVs so clearly.
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm just not pulled in.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think the situation could be developed in an interesting way. The query showed writing skill. I would ask for some pages.
ReplyDeleteYes. I might not ask for a full, though. The query is pretty straight forward, so that's a plus, and I liked the voice. It feels light on conflict, though, and I'm wondering what sets it apart.
ReplyDeleteYes, hoping the voice would be able to hold me for 60k words.
ReplyDeleteYes, but as others said, maybe show Ryan's redeeming qualities in the query, just a quick descriptor or mention of something the reader can root for despite his inability to control his life. I think you can drop the first paragraph, too.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the idea of looking at what happens when we don't make decisions, but I'm just not buying in to Ryan's basic dilemma. I don't see why Texas Central and Marcy are so terrible.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds a little bit like an MG plot to me.
ReplyDeleteI think the query is weak but I'd read the sample pages because I like the idea.
ReplyDeleteThis one's a no from me because of how Ryan comes across - inactive in his own life. If soccer is important to him, as implied, and the program at his college is cut, why does he just roll over and take that? It's not that I think this story won't work, it's just not portrayed the right way right now.
ReplyDeleteYes, verging on a no. I like the undecided concept, but Summer seems like a stronger/ more active character than Ryan. Are they meant to be equals? Is there anything Ryan wants / is willing to change?
ReplyDeleteNot for me. Ryan's apathy leaves me apathetic as well.
ReplyDeleteYes. But its a tentative yes, I'd want to read the opening to see if the writing pulls me in. I was tempted by the characters being laid back, which is realistic - let's face it many kids make choices on the basis of what their friends are doing. I'd be disappointed if your characters did not mature through the narrative, however.
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