TITLE: Broken
GENRE: YA Dark Contemporary
Sixteen-year-old Dylan Halstrom was consumed by guilt when her older sister and dad died in an accident that she could have prevented. Three years later, Dylan will do anything to forget the accident and stay numb; she snorts Oxycontin, cuts her thighs, and settles for the boyfriend she’ll never love. Nothing keeps the deaths of her dad and Lily out of her mind. When her dealer, Matt, introduces her to heroin, she finally feels happy without the debilitating guilt waiting in the shadows. She’s instantly hooked.
As her addiction rages, she becomes aware of her feelings for Matt, and she can no longer bury the intimacy she craves with him. He’s the only one who doesn’t try to fix her and he doesn’t judge her, even after he sees the cuts on her leg. Dylan allows herself to grow closer to Matt, no longer using sex as a form of currency, but as a way to feel connected. But Matt gets too close and Dylan pushes him away for fear that he might find out her darkest secret: that she’s unlovable.
When Dylan hallucinates Lily during a bad trip and her baby sister winds up on life support as a result of her negligence, her addiction spirals further out of control and she abandons all of the rituals and safety precautions that keep her alive and keep her secret hidden. Now, Dylan must decide if she’s strong enough to quit heroin and face the emotional crap she’s avoided for three years. Because if she’s not, the heroin will destroy her, and she’ll end up just like the family she loved--dead.
Miss Snark's First Victim
No. I didn't get a feel for what the book would be about other than Dylan doing drugs and feeling bad about her past. What's the conflict? Also I was confused about her sister ending up on life support since I thought she had died before the book takes place.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's not a relationship i could cheer for. It seems he's just using her for sex. He's also her dealer. Ew.
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm not sure this is right for YA (take that with a grain of salt or three).
ReplyDeleteIt's a no for me. It's well-written, but I don't see a strong reason to root for Dylan from this.
ReplyDeleteNo. But if this were to be brought from YA to mainstream with Dylan being a bit older, you might have something as long as you can give the characters more concrete goals. (Also, trip is more of an acid thing. Heroin does not make you hallucinate. Might want to bone up on the drugs side)
ReplyDeleteNo. It's competently written, but I'm not interested in these characters.
ReplyDeleteNot for me. The presentation of addiction is unrealistic, and the query itself is unfocused.
ReplyDeleteNo. I agree with Heidi that your query is well written, but I couldn't find a reason to care about your characters.
ReplyDeleteNo. The sex/drugs/self mutilation felt a bit too heavy-handed, especially if you want to market this as YA.
ReplyDeleteNo. Maybe a completely personal reason but I find it way too depressing.On a neutral note, well written but the query can be trimmed a fair bit.
ReplyDeleteNo. Aspects of this confused me, and while it's a dark story, it doesn't feel unique.
ReplyDeleteNo. Drug references not believable. I don't find Dylan or her dealer likable.
ReplyDeleteYes - partial. But the writing would have to be glorious in order for me to want to read something this dark.
ReplyDeleteNo. The writing was good and I do get a sense of character here, and am intrigued by this relationship with Matt (it seems really twisted but that's the interesting bit)but I don't by "her secret". Maybe this is a taste thing, but my mind immediately revolts and disagrees - everyone is loveable in some way. So in that sense, I don't buy into the stakes.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteToo much detail and not enough reasons to engage with the main character (she's too passive, has no goal and is in a difficult situation to empathise with).
No, but mostly because this type of dark story doesn't appeal to me. All the names were a bit confusing--might help if you refer to them by generic titles (drug dealer, sister) when they reappear later in the query. Also, is there an older sister and a baby sister--or was that just her hallucination?
ReplyDeleteNo. I just couldn't find myself rooting for the main character.
ReplyDeleteNot my type of thing
ReplyDeleteNo for me. What I'm getting from this query is a directive to sympathize with her drug dealer, who is really a great guy and cares for her. I don't find that believable; nor do you reference an inciting incident that causes her to reassess her life after three years of heroine use, other than the hallucination she has. With a topic so dark I would need much higher stakes. They may be there in the story, but I don't get that from this query.
ReplyDeleteNo. Confused by names and their roles. Didn't realize it was the drug dealer who was supposedly the nice boyfriend at first-not buying it. This just feels really, really heavy. I would have to see some really beautiful writing and a much clearer sense of Dylan's goals to read any more.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteIt's a powerful and worthy concept, but there's nothing in the query to tell me what makes this story different from every other "girl gets on drugs to mask pain and must get off before they kill her" stories already out there.
No, but only because I just finished reading CRANK and thought it was brilliant. I didn't think this story would impress me more than that book. Plus, although I don't think any of these topics are too heavy for YA, I did think your story had just one too many "bad" things piled up.
ReplyDeleteYes. The writing is strong and the character and situation are compelling. (But I suspect if I were a real agent I'd be concerned about selling something so dark!)
ReplyDeleteNo - I think the motivation for her to change should appear in the query earlier, then you can focus on the characters obstacles to overcome her addiction. I think if you stick to the major plot points and less on the darker aspects, a little will go along way; just saying addiction and cutting gives a picture without going on about it for most of the query. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNo, but only because I don't get a clear idea of who Dylan is and why I should root for her. I think the query focuses too much on all the "bad" aspects of Dylan. How would turning to heroin, to more drugs make her feel better? The people on that TV show Intervention seem pretty sad and confused to me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the idea of her drug dealer becoming her boyfriend just doesn't ring true to me. Why should we care that he doesn't judge her--he's a drug dealer! I want Dylan to find someone worth her time.
No. Seems far too grimdark and depressing. Unless the writing and voice are brilliant, I wouldn't want to read that.
ReplyDeleteNo. It feels like there's not a lot of plot, and like I'd be spending a lot of time disagreeing with the character's choices.
ReplyDeleteNo. This could just be personal taste, but I don't know if regret and addiction is enough to hold my interest for an entire novel.
ReplyDeleteNo, mostly because this just wouldn't be my kind of story, but also because the query seems like a string of plot points rather than a cohesive story.
ReplyDeleteThis was too long for me. I expect a query to be short and sharp. I felt like I was trudging through a lot of back story to get to the main gist.
ReplyDelete