Pages

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August First Line Grabber #11

TITLE: Into the Deep
GENRE: YA - Fantasy

I've always been afraid of the water.

73 comments:

  1. Yes. Fear of water means something interesting and probably disturbing is coming.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. There is a forboding of danger.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes. I want to know what's coming out of the water to eat her. Also this line has a nice cadence and I like the restraint she demonstrates in simple word choice here.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. It's short and sweet, but delivers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes. It makes me want to know why.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No. The line feels a bit generic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. No. I want more context here, a sense of place or situation.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes: would certainly read on

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes. I'm a big fan of the simple, and this is intriguing to me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes. But only because of the title, knowing the MC is going to have to go into the water. I'd want to see how that conflict played out.

    ReplyDelete
  11. No. Gazillions of people are afraid of water.

    ReplyDelete
  12. No -- a little too generic for me (though this is one I might give a chance if the follow up lines were great).

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes. Shows mc weakness right from the start.

    ReplyDelete
  14. NO. A lot of people are afraid of the water. There's not enough to hook me for that reason.

    ReplyDelete
  15. No, I feel like it would be stronger if it was" afraid of water" instead of "afraid of the water."

    ReplyDelete
  16. yes. something bad is going to happen.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes. Love the sense of foreboding going on.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes. Short, to the point, and invites further exposition.

    ReplyDelete
  19. No. I don't want to know that she's afraid of water. I want to know why.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yes, but "the water" is clunky. I would just say water.

    ReplyDelete
  21. No. I'd prefer to know why being afraid of the water is important for this character.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yes, because of how the intro and title relate.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yes. With the title, it screams that something bad is going to happen.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes. Nice, simple, and I need to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  25. No, feels too generic especially in context of the title.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yes. Why afraid of water and better yet, why is MC in, on, or around water? And they better be to have this intro. If MC is having random thought, I'd move on.

    ReplyDelete
  27. YES. Such a simple statement, but paired with the title, I know there's something way more complicated going on and I want to know what that is.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yes. The protag is facing a fear which is immediatel conflict. I'd like to read more.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yes
    I'm interested to know what's going on.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Yes. Why? Where? How? I want to know more of what's going on.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Yes. Take out "the".

    ReplyDelete
  32. No. I want more substance. Reading the next few sentences might pull me in though.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Yes, but only if the next few paragraphs were good. I like how it ties in with the title.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Yes - a title like that with a first line like that tells me that your MC is going to have to get over their fear. There's an adventure here.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yes, I want to know why and it's a clear opening.

    ReplyDelete
  36. No. Feels generic. Many people are afraid of the water.

    ReplyDelete
  37. No. I think it needs a second clause that gives some context.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Yes. Many people can relate. This sentence makes me feel a sense of foreboding. Is there a shark circling? Did his/her friend accidentally fall overboard? Is he/she unable to swim? Although it's not original, it piques my interest.

    ReplyDelete
  39. No. I'd like a bit more information about the speaker or the situation. A lot of people are afraid of the water.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Yes. Combined with the title it works very well to set up the conflict.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Yes. Love it. Conflict right off the bat. Leave us wondering why? What happened to make this person that way? All good questions that make me want to keep reading. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Yes.
    I like the simplicity of it and I want to know why (afraid)and why is he/she bringing it up now.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yes, I immediately want to know why.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Yes. The combination of the title and a fear of water sets up an instant conflict.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yes, I'd read on to see if the first paragraph grabbed me. It would depend on how you used the first line whether it would utimately make me buy the book.

    ReplyDelete
  46. No. It seems like it's trying too hard to impress me with fear, and I'm not really impressed by fear alone. Lots of people are afraid of water.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Yes. Water and all it conjures in the imagination is very complex and inherently dangerous. I'd read on.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Yes, as long as the narrator means "the water" and not just ordinary water. "The water" suggests mystery.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Yes. There's a conflict, I want to know what the problem with the water is, and I suspect this will play into the plot later in the story.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Yes. The line lays out a promise that the conflict is going to have to do with the main character having to deal with something they fear greatly.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Yes, but hesitantly. The line is rather generic and doesn't distinguish the MC from the rest of the aquaphobic population. I'd read a few more sentences, though, and see if it gets more specific.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Yes. I'd read to find out why, but it could be stronger with a little bit more detail.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Yes. As someone who is also afraid of the water, I assume the MC will be forced to deal with his/her phobia. It's not a terribly interesting or original first line, but I still want to know what happens.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Yes (barely). Not much to go on, but enough to make me read the next sentence (at least).

    ReplyDelete
  55. Yes - because it was THE water. This intrigued me because it implied there was something sinister about a particular body of water. Without THE, my comment would be similar to others, ie, so what - many people are frightened of water.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Yes. It's vague and makes me want to see the phobia justified.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Yes. Foreboding and well-phrased, a literary and stylized beginning. I'd hope for that to continue.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Yes. It's just enough to pull me on to the next sentence. And I appreciate that you didn't try to say everything in the first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Yes. Immediately drawn in why is this person afraid, who are they, and why does this fear matter now?

    ReplyDelete
  60. Yes. Opening with a strong emotion we can all relate to.

    ReplyDelete
  61. No.

    It's too simple a statement, matter-of-fact, about a fairly common fear. It needs "more" in the form of a specific fear or a fear of a specific kind/location of water or some idea that the fear is a result of something else to catch my interest.

    ReplyDelete
  62. No. Show me the MC's fear, don't tell me.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Yes. It's a little cliche, but I'm curious to why this person is afraid of the water.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Yes. I want to know why he/she is afraid of water. Captivated!

    ReplyDelete
  65. No. I like it, but would need to read more to say that I'm 'hooked'.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Yes, could work, assuming the next sentences are good ones.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Yes! Begins by telling a bit about the character. I can tell that something bad is coming. I like it!

    ReplyDelete