Pages

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August First Line Grabber #28

TITLE: Bet Her Life
GENRE: YA Sci-fi/Thriller

Today is my 6,570th day of life.

94 comments:

  1. Yes. Because what 18 year old talks of his age in days.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. It's so exact that makes me wonder why the speaker is thinking that way.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No. The number is too distracting.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. It promises intriguing character voice, but it needs to be held up really well really quickly.

    ReplyDelete
  5. No. Was kind of on the fence, but it isn't really enough to keep me reading. And I agree about the number being a distraction.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No. It's a nice fact, but it doesn't get me interested in the story.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes. It's not a great first line, but it's definitely enough for me to want to read the second.

    ReplyDelete
  8. No. I recognize that the number hints at something different and therefore a story, but I wasn't intrigued enough.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes. A thought provoking first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  10. No. I don't want to do the math.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes. I'm interested in why she's keeping track like this. It immediately sends me into a foreign worldview.

    ReplyDelete
  12. NO. I don't want to have to do math to find out how many years that is. (my calculator says 18, but what about the leap years?)

    ReplyDelete
  13. No, the language doesn't seem real to me and the number throws me off.

    ReplyDelete
  14. No. Confusing - I don't want to have to calculate how many years - what does that mean? Need more.

    ReplyDelete
  15. No. It is awkward to read such a big number in a short sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yes. Bang on for tone and it makes me want to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No. I don't really care what day of her life it is. I want to know what about this day of her life makes her story worth reading.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes, but with reservations. With just a little bit more info in that sentence it would be unqualified.

    ReplyDelete
  19. No. Because I have no idea how long 6,570 days is. I guess I can see it being interesting but I can't figure that out because I'm all- Huh?

    ReplyDelete
  20. No. I mean, I'd probably still keep reading, but that has more to do with me than the book. The long number is a bit awkward, and I agree with everyone else that when I stop to figure out how long that is, I get pulled out of the story.

    ReplyDelete
  21. No. My first inclination was to do some math, not read on.

    ReplyDelete
  22. No. It stops me dead, trying to figure out how many years that is. If I had more sentences, I'd skip this one because it means nothing until I do math.

    ReplyDelete
  23. no. it stops me to figure out how old he is. but i like the voice and already have some sense of a futuristic setting for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes, because someone who thinks like this might be interesting or insightful. But don't expect me to figure out MY days!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yes, already sucked in by specific, long number. Gives me an idea of character, voice, and setting. And maybe a little conflict if MC is tired of being alive.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yes, because the phrasing sounds a bit ominous and I'm curious where the character is going with that particular line of thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  27. No, Seemed contrived to me, something a writer would say.

    ReplyDelete
  28. No. 18th birthday - hurray, but what else can I know about this person that makes me interested?

    I feel like there should be a comma and then a second part of the sentence. I don't think it's too contrived, and it is interested how they speak about years in days... but it doesn't "hook" me, yet.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yes. It makes me curious to read on.

    ReplyDelete
  30. No. Immediately I'm distracted by calculations and such. I think you could get the same point across but in a more engaging way. I'm the person who would literally stop and find a calculator, so maybe it's just me!

    ReplyDelete
  31. No. While others might be intrigued by someone with Rainman-like counting skills, I'm not particularly interested.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Yes. It's mundane but it adds characterization and I like that.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Yes, I'd read on but I agree with others that this is not a great first line.

    ReplyDelete
  34. No. I don't like the phrasing, it makes me worried that if the first short sentence is this convoluted, if the rest of the story will be too. I'm also thinking this might be more of a New Adult, not YA given this narrator is 18.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yes. So many questions. Vampire? Zombie? Alien? Other? Now I wanna know who lives that long, and why they are literally counting the days.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Yes. This is vague enough that I want more and I know it will be intelligently written by the use of mathematics.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Yes. Why does the character know this? I want to find out why.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Yes,because the tone promises something different, but the number requires you to calculate, which pulls you away from the story.

    ReplyDelete
  39. No, this did not draw me into your story at all.

    ReplyDelete
  40. No. I wouldn't slam the book shut immediately, but the sentences that followed this one would have to be very good. It just feels a little forced.

    ReplyDelete
  41. No. It made me want to pull out my calculator. Too distracting as a first line.

    ReplyDelete
  42. No. I only did the math on this in the spirit of this contest.

    Translation: "Today is my 18th birthday." Doesn't hook me. The only thing that makes the sentence stand out is the "6,570" itself. Sorry :'(

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yes
    It's funny and intriguing.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Yes -- curious why the time is counted this way.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yes! Interesting beginning, makes me wonder how it's going to unfold.

    ReplyDelete
  46. No - although it gives a hint about the mc, I went into arithmetic mode to figure out age. Not where I want to be when reading a story.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Yes. It's dramatic, snappy and it fits with the title and genre. You manage to say a lot with so little. I am definitely intrigued and want to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Yes. It caught my attention. But may I say that I was just as impressed with the people that took time to realize that the mc is 18 years old.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Yes! This catches my eye and I want to know why he's counting that way.

    ReplyDelete
  50. No.
    The number is meaningless and/or confusing at first glance and stops the flow before it begins.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Yes, sure the number is distracting, but I want the next para to let me know if I'd continue.

    ReplyDelete
  52. No. I think there is potential to make this more of a statement, embued with more emotion. Like this, it doesn't pull me in.

    ReplyDelete
  53. No. I need a little something more than age to pull me into the story.

    ReplyDelete
  54. No. Unfortunately my first reaction was, "So what?" It's doesn't give me any sense of the character except possibly that s/he is over-precise.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Yes. I think it's interesting, and you wouldn't put something so specific in the first line without something to back it up. I'd read on.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Yes, love the voice and am curious about the story. I'm assuming the MC isn't human.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Yes. I'm intrigued by the use of days rather than years. From the first line and title, I'm hoping it has lots of numbers.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Yes. I'm curious why the character is thinking about how many days he's been alive-why he's thinking of it that way.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Yes, because it's a unique, nerdy voice, but with reservations, because it does feel to me like it's been done before. If I kept reading, your next sentence would REALLY have to clinch it for me.

    ReplyDelete
  60. No. Funny thing is, I think I would have had an enthusiastic yes, if the genre was contemporary YA, because it would have screamed quirky character right from the start. As a Sci-fi/Thriller, however, I'm getting a monotone, doomsday-ish voice from it, and that's become pretty standard in that genre, it seems.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Yes, because people generally don't talk about their lives in relation to how many days they've been alive.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Yes, but I need to be hooked fast

    ReplyDelete
  63. No. I don't care how many days old someone is, I want to know why I should keep reading.

    ReplyDelete
  64. No. I thought it read years and then when I reread I realized it was a totally different story. Maybe if I hadn't misread it.

    ReplyDelete
  65. No. It aroused my curiosity, but I think it could be stronger if the first sentence hinted at why the number is important.

    ReplyDelete
  66. No. Just doesn't grab my attention. Feels a bit "so what?"

    ReplyDelete
  67. Yes. Because you just know something important is going to be appended to that thought, especially given the genre, and it gives you a really quick look into both the voice and the character of the MC.

    ReplyDelete
  68. No. The number made me pause and wonder how old that actually was, before I even had a chance to become invested in the story.

    ReplyDelete
  69. No. Made me stop to figure out how many years that is, and then makes me wonder if it happens a lot in the story.

    ReplyDelete
  70. No. I couldn't even think of moving on until I pulled out my calculator. Though I'm mildly interested in why she's calculating days instead of years, that's not enough to bring me back after I'm done dividing.

    It is possible that, if the calculation is in the very next sentence, I would move on--but you'd lose me quickly anyway if something more interesting didn't pop up soon.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Yes-No. On the fence (sorry). The thought of having to calculate the age in years from that large number was daunting, but it also made me question whether the character had Asperger's, which would hook me.

    ReplyDelete
  72. No. It's interesting that someone bothered to count, but not interesting enough and not meaningful.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Yes. Why not? Sounds intriguing.

    ReplyDelete
  74. No. If I've got to start calculating in my head at the very first line I run the risk of never getting to the end of the book

    ReplyDelete
  75. No. While it is intriguing, it made me think it make take too long to read through

    ReplyDelete
  76. Yes. I'd read on at the very least.

    ReplyDelete
  77. No. It made me want to grab a calculator to figure out how old that is rather than wanting to continue the story.

    ReplyDelete
  78. No.

    It's basically, "Today is my 18th birthday," but with sci-fi sauce. It's a wasted bit of futuristic flag waving, though I might have been intrigued if the age were mentioned in the context of a bigger, more interesting hint of conflict.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Yes. Very intriguing first line.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Yes. I'm intrigued by the line and wondering why the character knows such specific information, why it's relevant, etc. and I want to keep reading and find out more.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Yes. Interesting, and gives us a hint of character already.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Yes. Because it could be about anything. (I would hope not vampires)

    ReplyDelete
  83. Yes. I'd keep reading to see what kind of MC sat down to figure that out.

    ReplyDelete
  84. No, the number throws me off too much. But I'm also not really into sic-fi stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Yes. I want to know why? How? I want to experience this world.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Yes, assuming it ties in with the story concept.

    ReplyDelete