TITLE: Bet Her Life
GENRE: YA Sci-fi/Thriller
Today is my 6,570th day of life. When you say you’re eighteen, people think you’re young. But when you throw around a number like that—almost 7,000 days—they start to realize no one is as young as they think they are.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I wasn't such a big fan of the first line, and I think the other lines REALLY strengthen it. I get an idea of how the MC thinks now, and I'm intrigued!
ReplyDeleteOn the fence, character seems overly-precocious, not my taste normally. but i'll still keep reading.
ReplyDeleteThis opening basically tells us about other people and what they think. WHat about the MC?
ReplyDeleteHooked! I love clever MCs, and this is a great way to force readers/the people around your MC to reevaluate how they think of him/her.
ReplyDeleteYou're forcing us onto the back foot, but in a good way.
Yes. MC is intelligent and thoughtful. Yes.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting way of thinking about it! I'd keep going.
ReplyDeleteYes, I would read more because the first line has voice, first person point of view, immediacy and grabbed me because it is different. The next two lines were confusing, though because they were in 2nd person and not as immediate as the first line.
ReplyDeleteI loved this first sentence. The second sentence totally blows the magic for me. It was intriguing until it was made commonplace. Such a obviously pivotal age like eighteen. A nice round number like 7000. Now I'm disappointed.
ReplyDeleteI liked this one and would definitely read on, but I'll admit that, given the genre, I was expecting something different.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an interesting approach. By the MC telling us what "other people" think, he/she is revealing his/her opinion. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm on the fence. It's a good show of how the MC thinks, but I was expecting something different. And it's not providing any conflict, just musings. I'd read a little further to see if something happens.
ReplyDeleteI really like this opening. The lines following the first sentence tell me so much about the MC. They want to appear older. They have an attention to detail. They're smart and thoughtful. Nice job - I would read more.
ReplyDeleteI like the thoughtfulness of the character and how this portrays them.
ReplyDeleteI'm flip-flopping. Based on the first line only, I was a no, but I love how the third sentence ends. I'd keep reading to find out more about our narrator.
ReplyDeleteI like this one. In just 3 lines you've managed to create a character I'm interested in finding out more about.
ReplyDeleteI love the voice here. I'd read more to get to know this MC.
ReplyDeleteOoo- even better! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like this opening. To me, it's a case where you get a sense of who the character is, despite not really knowing anything about them.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure. There's something about focusing on the number of days and thinking that makes you sound older that kind of bugs me about this. It strikes me as a little "I'm better than a mere 18-year-old cause I mark my age in days." Like a little kid being more grown up because they are five-and-a-half instead of just five. I don't think I'd keep going.
ReplyDeleteI didnt' care for the first line the first time, and the other two do nothing to make me want to read on. Don't make me do math when I'm reading!
ReplyDeleteI really like this. Given that the genre is sci-fi it feels like an appropriate set up. This sounds like an MC who's been through a lot.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind this but it feels like the subject is a little all over the place. First, it's "I" then it's "you" (from the perspective of people) then it's "them" (as in the people). I think you need to keep this consistent. Who exactly is thinking about who being old? Is it her or is it them thinking about her or is it everyone thinking about themselves?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
~Holly
bam! nice grabber!
ReplyDeleteYes. This is smart writing. It makes me want to get to know your MC.
ReplyDeleteLove it.
ReplyDeleteyes, i would still be reading.
ReplyDeleteI still like the first line. Not sure about the next two, but I'd keep reading to find out where this is going.
ReplyDeleteI would keep reading.
ReplyDelete