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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Logline Critique Round Three #19

TITLE: The Brewer
GENRE: MG

In The Brewer, drugs infiltrate Lehigh Middle School turning ordinary kids into crazed zombies. When his new friend is infected, thirteen-year-old Tyler Higgins, an awkward newbie, decides to cut the drug flow by finding the supplier and ratting him out to the police before it’s too late.

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9 comments:

  1. Judy MintzOctober 16, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    I love this. The only thing I'd change is that you have "new friend" and "newbie" in the same sentence. I think you can lose "new" and go with friend.

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  2. Mark AndreasOctober 16, 2012 at 11:52 AM

    I think that in a logline you don't need "In The Brewer" and can just start with "drugs...
    I like the description of awkward newbie.

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  3. AnonymousOctober 16, 2012 at 12:47 PM

    I'm immediately thinking of this already successful book by Bruce Hale: http://www.brucehale.com/book4.htm. Are there any other details you could use to distinguish it as unique?

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  4. AnonymousOctober 16, 2012 at 12:47 PM

    I'm immediately thinking of this already successful book by Bruce Hale: http://www.brucehale.com/book4.htm. Are there any other details you could use to distinguish it as unique?

    ReplyDelete
  5. K CallardOctober 16, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    I agree with what the others have written. Cut out "In The Brewer" and the "new" before "friend" and I think you're pretty much there.

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  6. Holly BodgerOctober 16, 2012 at 5:17 PM

    This should probably be upper middle grade or YA. It sounds too mature for straight MG.

    Aside from that, "decides to cut the drug flow" is confusing your goal. Just say he wants to stop it. Also, we need to know why this will be a challenge and you need more specific stakes than "too late".

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  7. KathleeaOctober 16, 2012 at 10:01 PM

    I'd start out with Drugs infiltrate too. I'd also cut out "when his new friend is infected". So it reads:
    Drugs infiltrate Lehigh Middle School turning kids into crazed zombies. Thirteen-year-old Tyler, an awkward newbie has to stop the drug flow by finding the supplier and ratting him out to the police before all of his classmates are infected. Or something like that. Good luck!

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  8. Dana EOctober 16, 2012 at 10:53 PM

    This sounds really interesting. I agree with the other commenters. You could trim a little like:

    Orinary kids turn into crazed zombies when drugs infiltrate their middle school. When thirteen-year-old Tyler's new friend is infected, Tyler must find the courage to cut the drug flow by finding the supplier and ratting him out to the police before it’s too late.

    Just a thought. Good luck!

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  9. DJOctober 19, 2012 at 4:14 PM

    I really like Dana's version!

    Although one could argue that middle-school kids are always crazed zombies, drugs or not. :)

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