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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Logline Critique Round Two #25

TITLE: Blame it on Meryl Streep
GENRE: Women's fiction

At age 28 Laura Sanders has never had been in a relationship, never had sex, never been loved. She feels like an invisible woman. But when she watches the movie Mamma Mia, the perfect mentor to a happier, more self-confident life suddenly appears at her side: Meryl Streep. Nobody but Laura can see and hear imaginary Meryl, but so what? Sometimes you have to lose yourself in a fantasy to fix your reality.

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17 comments:

  1. ewokloveOctober 9, 2012 at 12:25 PM

    I love the premise of an adult with an imaginary friend who helps her find her way to the live she's never had the confidence to live.

    I am not sure about the legality of her new mentor actually being Meryl Streep. Same with mentioning Mamma Mia.

    Laura Sanders has never had the confidence she needed to live life to the fullest, but, an imaginary friend inspired by a movie helps her navigate her way to the life she always wanted.

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  2. katecwritesOctober 9, 2012 at 12:59 PM

    I love this premise. It sounds endearing and hilarious. I don't think there would be any legal issues using Meryl Streep or mentioning Mama Mia, as long as you don't quote any actual lines from the movie OR ABBA song lyrics. Song lyrics will land you in deep you-know-what.

    The only thing that would make it better to me would be to work on your economy of words. If you say the same things but clean it up a little, it will really pop!

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  3. PatchiOctober 9, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    I love the premise too! I think you can shorten the beginning and keep the punchy end. Something like:

    At age 28 Laura Sanders has never [] been loved. [] But when she watches...

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  4. David B GoodeOctober 9, 2012 at 1:47 PM

    This sounds like a fun story, and I love "but so what? Sometimes you have to lose yourself in a fantasy to fix your reality."

    In the opening sentence "...has never had been..." should probably be "...has never been...".

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  5. K CallardOctober 9, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    I like the premise of this one. I also really like your logline, it has a lot of voice. However, there's something about the first 2 sentences that's bugging me. It's a bit clunky.

    What about something like: "At age 28 Laura Sanders feels like an invisible woman: she can't even catch a guy's eye, let alone his his heart. But when..."

    Just a thought.

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  6. A Little PushOctober 9, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    I would also be worried about legalities of having a fictional Meryl Streep in your book?

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  7. Feaky SnuckerOctober 9, 2012 at 2:47 PM

    You can have people in books - look at the Odd Thomas series.

    I agree about the lyrics in a book being horrible legally speaking, other than that, I think with some streamlining, this could really stand out:)

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  8. AnnieBOctober 9, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    I agree you might tighten in spots, but I love the premise, and the last line is great. Makes me want to dive right in to the story.

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  9. JillHeidOctober 9, 2012 at 5:40 PM

    I love how different this is. It seems funny too.

    I think you could combine and simplify the first two sentences into one.

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  10. littleblueOctober 9, 2012 at 6:21 PM

    Thank you all so much for your feedback! Some suggestions are really great and I will definitely work on tightening the beginning.
    Sorry for the grammar mistake/typo in the first sentence and thanks, David, for pointing it out!

    As for the legal issue ... according to an IP lawyer using Mamma Mia is fine, using Meryl Streep is a grey area, but apparently nothing to worry about unless I portray her in a wrongful, mean way, which I don’t. The only thing that's tricky is using her name in the title, but that’s easy to change, I think.

    Good luck to all of you!

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  11. Kristen WixtedOctober 10, 2012 at 7:29 AM

    I loved this log line. You could call it Blame it on the Actress or the Movie Star or something. Would still be fun.

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  12. AnonymousOctober 10, 2012 at 7:37 AM

    How about 'Blame it on Meryl'?

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  13. littleblueOctober 10, 2012 at 7:52 AM

    "Blame it on Meryl" actually was my initial title. :-) Then I changed it to get more interest. If I ever get an agent AND a publisher I'll leave it up to them to decide and deal with the legal issues.
    Thanks again for all your feedback!! This is so helpful!

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  14. S.A. HusseyOctober 10, 2012 at 7:25 PM

    I enjoyed it and would definitely read. Sounds like a great story!

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  15. Holly BodgerOctober 11, 2012 at 9:10 AM

    I think it is enough to say that she has never been in a relationship. The not having sex/not being in love part is kinda implied by this.

    Aside from that, you have an interesting setup but don't give us very much about the plot. Will this imaginary Meryl help her find love? Who or what will stop this from happening?

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  16. misstanteOctober 11, 2012 at 9:10 PM

    i was hooked at the title and think the premise is great! sounds fun and like a feel-good read.

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  17. JudykinsOctober 12, 2012 at 6:48 AM

    Love it. I would read this book. In the interest of brevity, the logline could easily be cut. "Never been in a relationship, never had sex, never been loved. She feels...invisible" is about 3 times redundant."

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