TITLE: THE FIRST WISP TO THE NIGHT
GENRE: YA Fantasy
When sixteen-year-old Ana's best friend is murdered and her parents go missing, she ventures out with her crime lord godfather and her sneaky, unattached shadow to find answers--and the assassin--before someone else dies.
Miss Snark's First Victim
This one is nice and crisp. And a story I would like to read.
ReplyDeleteI liked this. My only suggestion would be to either take out "and her parents go missing" or else reword it, since it's not clear whether it's the murdered girl's parents, or Ana's parents. Good job!
ReplyDeleteYou have all the elements you need in this logline. I agree with the last comment to reword, maybe "When sixteen-year-old Ana's parents go missing and her best friend is murdered . . ."
ReplyDelete:)
The sneaky unattached shadow is quite intriguing. I agree with the other comments:-)
ReplyDeleteI like this but the "sneaky, unattached shadow" acts like a speedbump to me. Maybe pick one strong adjective that shows how the shadow will help her. Also, are her parents dead or are they going to die? If saving them is her real goal, you should say that rather than a generic "someone else". We don't care about someone else as much as we care about someone specific.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I agree that Marika's and Holly's suggestions could strengthen this, but I like it even as it is. I'm interested in the unattached shadow, and I can see the conflict and the stakes. Good job.
ReplyDeleteInteresting but the shadow threw me--can it be explained a bit more?
ReplyDelete