TITLE: WISHES? I THOUGHT YOU SAID WITCHES!
GENRE: MG Contemporary Fantasy
Thirteen-year-old Luke discovers his cell phone's voice-powered assistant can grant wishes. But with autocorrect, even a simple wish can have catastrophic consequences. De-bugging his phone becomes disastrous. Getting rid of monsters, even worse.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Nice- sounds like a fun read. I know you're trying to get around using the actual name of the 'voice-powered assistant', but can you find a different name than that? It made me stumble in an other wise tight pitch.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds cute. I'd just love to see an example of how the autocorrect goes wrong, maybe in place of "debugging his phone becomes disastrous," because I don't really know what that means.
ReplyDeleteI've seen yours up a bunch of places and I've loved it everywhere in all its incarnations. I'd almost like a bit more at the end. Some stakes. Like, Getting rid of monsters before they destroy his town, even worse.
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for the feedback. I'll try to give this a little more during the Baker's Dozen. Thanks for all the help.
ReplyDeleteI really like this. However, I think But with autocorrect... should still be part of the first sentence. De-bugging...doesn't really tell me anything. You could leave it out and I wouldn't miss it. I'd like that last sentence to give me a better understanding of the stakes.
ReplyDeleteDe-bugging doesn't tell me much; you may want to change that. Otherwise, great.
ReplyDeleteTo everyone that isn't crazy about debugging it looks a lot better with the - and italics. I will need to rewrite it because they literally de-BUG this phone when all the creepy crawlies come racing out of it. Thanks for the feedback!
ReplyDeleteYou need to start this like, "When...discovers..." and then give us Luke's goal. Then tell us what goes wrong and what he needs to do to fix it/reach his goal.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem with the debugging as long as it is presented as an obstacle to his goal.
Holly