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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

First Line Grabber #10

TITLE: Twice a Ghost
GENRE: YA fantasy

Mother said they move within the walls.



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50 comments:

  1. Jean DavisApril 9, 2014 at 8:38 AM

    Yes. The line has a great creepy feel to it.

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  2. Eliza CreweApril 9, 2014 at 8:43 AM

    Yes. manages to convey a lot of mood in one short sentence.

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  3. AnonymousApril 9, 2014 at 9:49 AM

    Yes! Love the voice here and want to know what's going on!

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  4. YttarApril 9, 2014 at 10:00 AM

    Yes. Because, given the genre, I'm curious exactly who or what they are.

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  5. Bree RApril 9, 2014 at 11:54 AM

    Yes! ohhhh, this one sounds good and spooky. For some reason the word mother always sounds creepy to me and I want to know what's moving around in there

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  6. Julia ByersApril 9, 2014 at 12:12 PM

    Yes. So creepy. I'd definitely read on to find out who "they" are.

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  7. HeatherApril 9, 2014 at 12:18 PM

    YES! So creepy!!

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  8. Leah PetersenApril 9, 2014 at 12:20 PM

    Yes. Intriguing.

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  9. LanetteApril 9, 2014 at 12:32 PM

    Yes. It's a creepy line. As an aside: there are a lot of ghost stories, so make sure yours stands out in some way.

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  10. Sarah AhiersApril 9, 2014 at 12:48 PM

    Yes.

    I mean, things moving in the walls? Yeah, i want more of that.

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  11. Harper K.April 9, 2014 at 12:52 PM

    Yes! It raises just the right questions.

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  12. danikaApril 9, 2014 at 12:56 PM

    Yes. Creepy. And simple. Nice punch.

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  13. Lady ChipApril 9, 2014 at 1:03 PM

    Yes. It sets a tone. Also, I love the title.

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  14. SussuApril 9, 2014 at 1:30 PM

    Yes. Creepy but intriguing at the same time. I like that the family is wondering about those ghosts. I can see a lot of tension coming up from this.

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  15. BEApril 9, 2014 at 1:41 PM

    YES! Already creeped out and wanting to hear more

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  16. UnknownApril 9, 2014 at 1:47 PM

    Yes. Perfectly creepy!

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  17. KarieApril 9, 2014 at 1:50 PM

    Yes, I want to know more. Who is moving within the walls and why? How does Mother know this? Plus, it makes me want to look over my shoulder to make sure nothing is behind me.

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  18. AliceApril 9, 2014 at 1:54 PM

    Yes, I can hear swishing. AND I love a good ghost story.

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  19. MarilynApril 9, 2014 at 2:08 PM

    Yes-Creeping and intriguing.

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  20. Chelly WritesApril 9, 2014 at 2:28 PM

    Yes
    -creepy and I want to read more. Love how it sets the tone in a few words.

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  21. C. R. BaileyApril 9, 2014 at 2:44 PM

    Yes.
    This is a confidential telling, narrator to reader, and I'm willing to listen.

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  22. UnknownApril 9, 2014 at 3:03 PM

    Yes - I love the gothicy, horror feel. Definitely something creepy is bound to happen.

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  23. HepsebaALHHApril 9, 2014 at 3:55 PM

    Yes. Cool! Instant in-a-creepy-story feeling. However, the next few sentences could easily break that feeling, since it's much easier to be disappointed if you start on such a high note. I.e., *very* grabby first line, but I'm still curious if it's the *right* first line.

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  24. SanWritesApril 9, 2014 at 4:11 PM

    Yes, but you might give a hint more about the 'they'. I want to read on.

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  25. SMKraftyApril 9, 2014 at 5:13 PM

    Yes- great creep factor.

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  26. UnknownApril 9, 2014 at 5:31 PM

    Yes.
    I like the voice and creepy feel, but be careful. We could as easily be talking about squirrels.

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  27. KathleeaApril 9, 2014 at 7:05 PM

    Yes. Creepy and cool. Unless you're talking about squirrels, then not so much.

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  28. Lisa DalrympleApril 9, 2014 at 8:00 PM

    Absolutely yes!
    I won't be sleeping tonight - for fear and curiosity.

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  29. Cryssa BazosApril 9, 2014 at 8:08 PM

    Yes! very creepy

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  30. Leandra WallaceApril 9, 2014 at 8:35 PM

    Yes! Creepy!

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  31. SylviaApril 9, 2014 at 9:04 PM

    Yes. Ooooh, so many questions raised. Who or what moves? Why? What to do about it. Creepy!

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  32. EllenApril 9, 2014 at 9:21 PM

    Makes me want to keep reading -- which is the goal.

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  33. AnonymousApril 9, 2014 at 9:26 PM

    Draws you in, I want to know what or whom is moving within the walls!!

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  34. Anne MacLachlanApril 9, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    YES. Very creepy and draws you into the story. MUST know what's in the walls!

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  35. Lena CoakleyApril 9, 2014 at 9:37 PM

    Yes! I got chills! Raises all sorts of questions in the reader's mind.

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  36. Her GraceApril 9, 2014 at 9:41 PM

    Yes. With a title and opener like that, I am expecting good, creepy things.

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  37. BrigidGApril 10, 2014 at 2:55 AM

    Yes. Creepy! The italics made me wonder if the narrator or mother are ghosts (too).

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  38. KayCApril 10, 2014 at 6:37 AM

    Yes. I'd read on to find out what "they" are.

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  39. therealtwinmomApril 10, 2014 at 9:15 AM

    Yes - Plenty of interest, voice and characterization in such a short sentence.

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  40. RebeccaApril 10, 2014 at 2:10 PM

    Yes. Uber creepy.

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  41. UnknownApril 10, 2014 at 2:39 PM

    Yes. I like the creepy feel paired with formality of Mother.

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  42. Danielle La PagliaApril 10, 2014 at 4:22 PM

    Yes. Great way to start a ghost story. I'm creeped out already.

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  43. BarbaraApril 10, 2014 at 5:25 PM

    Yes!

    It's simple and direct, and a nice example of less is more. You've created mood, mystery and suspense and, for me, voice. I can hear her saying this (or even thinking it) in a whisper.

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  44. L.C. McGeheeApril 10, 2014 at 6:11 PM

    Yes. The simple yet evocative statement works well, and it definitely sets the right tone for a ghost story.

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  45. StephscoApril 10, 2014 at 6:41 PM

    Yes. That's really creepy.

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  46. Tatum FlynnApril 10, 2014 at 6:55 PM

    Yes. because in one line my skin is already crawling!

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  47. don't hate meApril 10, 2014 at 6:59 PM

    Yes. Creep factor set up nicely. I'm ready to get my flashlight and hide under the blankets.

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  48. jhApril 10, 2014 at 9:46 PM

    Yes. very much yes. Tight writing, voice, sense of mood/atmosphere... awesome.

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  49. AnonymousApril 12, 2014 at 12:12 PM

    Yes! Lots of spookiness in few words. Nicely done!

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  50. HelenApril 12, 2014 at 12:31 PM

    Yes. But I'm not as creeped out as everyone else seems to be. Having things move inside walls has been done - a lot. "Within" sounds awkward. I like the title

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