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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Logline Critique Round Two #12

TITLE: The Tiger Fang Brigade
GENRE: Middle Grade Contemporary

The new girl in town is mistakenly recruited by the top-secret crime-fighting team that lives underneath her middle school. To earn a permanent slot in the Tiger Fang Brigade, Jenna Knight must join a struggling mission to stop a gang of vandals.

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9 comments:

  1. GKByrneOctober 7, 2014 at 11:34 AM

    I get a good picture of what the story's about, but not really a clear idea what's at stake. Vandals don't really feel like urgent imminent crisis and I don't know why Jenna wants to join the team, especially if they only recruited her by accident.

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  2. UnknownOctober 7, 2014 at 12:51 PM

    I agree with the previous comment--put a bit more at stake.
    Otherwise, this is a great logline, and the story concept is most interesting!

    Best of luck,
    Mia

    {theidecatcher.blogspot.com}

    ReplyDelete
  3. trreatOctober 7, 2014 at 1:23 PM

    You call this contemporary but I detect alien elements: living underneath her middle school?? And the name Tiger Fang Brigade? Is the crime fighting team adults?

    But I like the mistakenly recruited aspect. That opens many possibilities.

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  4. Holly BodgerOctober 7, 2014 at 1:48 PM

    As written, there is no motivation for her goal. Does she want to be part of the brigade? What does she have to lose if she doesn't earn a slot? And how will they stop to stop these vandals?

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  5. Cristin BruggemanOctober 7, 2014 at 1:52 PM

    I really like this one as is :)

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  6. shelleyOctober 7, 2014 at 2:56 PM

    What's at stake if they don't stop the vandals? How would this impact the MC?

    And how does the case of mistaken identity shift to the new girl wanting to be a fixture in this brigade?

    A small thing: the crime-fighting team living underneath her school sounded like sic-fi to me, not contemporary.

    This sounds like a fun story, one I would've loved as a kid, especially since I was always the new girl.

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  7. Becca McCannOctober 7, 2014 at 3:37 PM

    Thanks folks! Gonna think about the best way to bring her motivations into the log line without going too lengthy.
    BTW, no alien or sci-fi elements. Just my off-the-wall sense of adventure. :-)

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  8. mbrownOctober 7, 2014 at 3:42 PM

    This is a really cool premise. What I want to know is more about Jenna, So far all I know is that she's the new girl (which opens many challenges for her in its own right). But I'd like a glimpse of her personality.

    Sounds like an exciting read!

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  9. Becca McCannOctober 7, 2014 at 4:44 PM

    Just throwing this out there... what do you guys think?

    Jenna Knight moved to Beaver Mud to escape the hate crimes, not to be mistakenly recruited into a top-secret, crime-fighting team of kids crazy enough to actually believe they're spies. But in order to keep her spot in the Brigade and prove she's not the weakling she's always believed, Jenna must join the struggling mission to bring down a crew of vandals, which turns out to be something far more dangerous.

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