TITLE: The Least Complicated Option
GENRE: Middle Grade
When Calvin Black survives a car wreck with only a mild case of amnesia, all seems to be well in the tiny town of Strawberry Lake. But is it really? Calvin’s best friend Stesha is not so sure, and her doubts only grow as she gets to know Calvin all over again. What really happened in the car crash? And is it worth it to investigate?
Miss Snark's First Victim
I don't think you need the "But is it really?" I'd just go with "Calvin's best friend is not so sure, etc". Same for "And is it worth it to investigate?" - because if she's suspicious, then yeah, it's worth it. I'd replace it with "if she doesn't uncover the truth, then CONSEQUENCES".
ReplyDeleteGood luck! Hope I was of some help.
I like the first line. It helps me picture the setting. I think there are to many questions being asked. Instead tell us what is happening.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous comments. You have a nice, strong setup of the problem. The questions aren't necessary. Focus on Stesha and her definitive actions rather than rhetorical questions. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the feedback! It is really helpful.
ReplyDeleteUgh, rhetorical questions are always sneaking into everything I write. I really need to work on that.
Thanks for all of your help, and happy writings to you all!
Skittles,
Mia
{theideacatcher.blosgpot.com}
One other thought - since you start with Calvin, it sounds like he's going to be the main character, but then it seems like Stesha is the one doing the investigating. Maybe start with her? "When Stesha's friend is in a car accident and suffers amnesia..." Sounds interesting. I love amnesia stories!
ReplyDeleteI like the particulars in this logline. Strawberry Lake is a great name. Don't we all write rhetorical questions? ;)
ReplyDeleteI think the others have you covered, but I just wanted to say I love this title!
ReplyDelete'Middle Grade' is not a genre, but 'Middle Grade Mystery' is. It sounds like Stesha is actually the main character, so start with her: 'Stesha wants to figure out why her best friend hasn't been the same since his accident.' Then tell us why this is important to her, what the stakes are if she fails, and what stands in her way.
ReplyDeleteI really like this premise. But I'm a little confused as to who is the MC, Calvin or Stesha. (Great name!) I'd start with her if this is her story.
ReplyDeleteLove to read this one.
That last comment was by mbrown, not sure what happened!
ReplyDeleteYou have focused this on Calvin, but it sounds like the goal belongs to Stesha. If this is true, I think you need to re-write this so it is about her. If it is about both of them, then you might need to say that both Calvin and Stesha want to find out what happened. After that, give some hint about why this will be difficult. Is there an antagonist here? Someone trying to hide the truth?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
P.S. No questions in loglines!!!!
I think your story sounds really interesting! I agree with most of these comments. You don't need the questions or last line. And yes - you suggest an antogonist - that there is something large behind the amnesia - but it isnt' clear what, or who, it is.
ReplyDelete