TITLE: COMPLEX SOLUTIONS
GENRE: YA Contemporary
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” her grandmother asked, for what seemed like the hundredth time.
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” Amanda replied.
But she wasn’t. True, that blasted, evil migraine had returned, but it was the nagging, taunting voices beneath the searing physical pain which were more troubling…and they wouldn’t be dismissed with medication.
“I’m sure my medicine will kick in soon.”
Miss Snark's First Victim
I don't have a lot to say about this beginning - you have character and voice, and just enough to leave me wondering about what happens next. I think it's a nice start!
ReplyDeleteThe only question I have is regarding those voices she hears: is this really just Contemporary? And if it is so, just be careful to portray it well!
Good luck!
I agree with Diana - I like the beginning and it sounds like it is contemporary. I would replace the word "replied" with said. We know it's a reply. And I agree on the voices - that could lend itself to fantasy or other subgenre but its hard to tell with these few words. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteIt seems fine in voice and genre. I got YA contemporary from it. I could have also gotten some kind of fantasy subgenre with the voices, but I'm going to assume this is about a psychological disorder.
ReplyDeleteThe scene setting is more or less good. I had a little bit of a hitch in the beginning, with "her grandmother" because I had no idea who "her" was. You could fix that with, "Are you sure you're going to be okay, Amanda?"
Also, "I'll be fine," => "But she wouldn't."
I definitely get YA contemporary from this, but I think the opening could use a little more in the way of description to ground the reader. Not a lot, just some brief details about where they are and what the characters are physically doing. The idea of voices beneath her headache is really intriguing.
ReplyDeleteI get the YA voice and I can see the contemporary, but the beginning just doesn't grab me. I would say be careful with beginning a story with dialogue. We are literally dropped in and have no idea what's going on. It makes your job harder at grounding the reader. IMHO. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteI agree, the tone is right for the genre. I think this is missing a first line to ground us in the who/where with some time and place. We don't know who "her" is yet. Starting with a thought or a theme from the book that connects with Amanda in her voice. What is something that you can lead with that hooks the reader? What about this situation your characters are in which is different or unexpected? Perhaps incorporating something with the migraines as a lead will work, and then add in the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI agree, the tone is right for the genre. I think this is missing a first line to ground us in the who/where with some time and place. We don't know who "her" is yet. Starting with a thought or a theme from the book that connects with Amanda in her voice. What is something that you can lead with that hooks the reader? What about this situation your characters are in which is different or unexpected? Perhaps incorporating something with the migraines as a lead will work, and then add in the dialogue.
ReplyDelete