TITLE: UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY
GENRE: MG MAGICAL REALISM
When eleven-year-old Kimberley Adams’s plan to contact her grandfather after his death implodes, she is sucked into an UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY where she finds surprising answers to family mysteries but also ghosts and the uncertainty about whether she will be able to return to her real life.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I almost think it might be an idea to set the scene first and then introduce the character, then the difficulty, then the goal. I don't think it is important to define the age.
ReplyDeleteMaybe:
When a young ghost speaker finds herself in another world she must solve a family mystery to return home.
You have done a good job at inciting the story in the beginning of the first line, but then you don't give us her goal. We need to know what she wants here. Is it to return to her real life? If so, what will stop her from doing so? Ghosts? Family mysteries? (The latter doesn't sound like an obstacle to me).
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Was it the plan that imploded or the implementation of the plan? What's keeping her from returning?
ReplyDeleteI like BlueMetal's suggestion! It goes along with what Holly says--we need to know what she wants. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the crowd. I'd presume she wants to come back, but what about the place she finds (or the people? including her grandfather?) makes her know she has to do it. Why isn't this a place she'd like to stay? Cool idea. Can't wait to read it in print. ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I'm hooked and to read the story.
ReplyDeleteI love ghost stories, and this sounds like a great one!
ReplyDelete