TITLE: A Complex Solution
GENRE: YA Contemporary - Romantic Suspense
Lonely teen who cuts herself learns her dead parents secretly solved a famous math theorem. She must curb her addiction if she’s to find their research before her stalker does and preserve her parents’ legacy.
The voices died away as the doors thudded shut. I glanced down the empty, unfamiliar school hallway, my pulse racing. My head spun as I shuffled along the tiled floor. I needed to do this. Quickly. I slipped a hand inside my jeans pocket and pushed open the girls’ bathroom door with the other. My heart stopped.
Two girls leaned over the sinks. “Shouldn’t you be in class?” asked one of the girls, touching up her mascara. She turned and looked me up and down. “You must be new here,” she said, before screwing up her face. “Geesh, how tall are you, like, six feet?”
I froze, clutching the penknife in my pocket, and glanced away.
“C’mon, Jess, let’s go,” said the girl’s friend, smacking her freshly glossed lips together.
“Right.”
They whirled around and headed out the door, their laughter echoing down the hallway.
I tucked into the last stall and shut the door. Tears leaked out of my eyes. Just one cut. Enough to silence the pain inside. It was worse here than home, all the stares and whispers. I couldn’t even make it to first period.
Yanking my sleeve up, I drew the knife out, looking for a fresh square of skin. I pushed the blade in and dragged it through. My heart raced as the blood bubbled out, streaming down my arm. I gritted my teeth and felt the tears wet on my cheeks. The pain was like fire in my veins. But it felt wonderful.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I love you log line. It sounds like a fun read. I don't understand what her cutting has to do with solving her parents mystery. During the first 250 it almost seems like it's there for the shock value. Also it seemed out of place that a girl in the bathroom would be so rude to someone she doesn't know. It seems more middle school than high school. I would be more interested in launching into the parent's mystery.
ReplyDeleteIf it's labelled as Romantic Suspense I would expect at least some mention of the romance in the logline, otherwise it sounds like the romantic suspense comes from the stalker. Does it? I think the window into the mind of a cutter sounds interesting, but I don't think the "mean girls" type of introduction is new or necessary. It would be cool be probably better to start somewhere other than the new school trope. So I hope it doesn't sound like I dislike your writing because I think it is good!
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of the above comments. As a former math major, I LOVE the idea of your MC's parents proving--I'd say "proving" instead of "solving"--a famous math theorem. Your writing is also quite smooth and easy to read, but I don't think this stereotypical first-day-at-a-new-school scene is doing you any favors. Is there another, more interesting place you could start?
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you and A COMPLEX SOLUTION!