TITLE: LACUNA
GENRE: Adult Paranormal
In order to save humanity from a psychic plague, a ghost named Little Green possesses graduate student Nathaniel and uses his body to kill infected humans before they become contagious. Unfortunately, patient zero is a brilliant and relentless young woman who believes the plague represents a necessary new step in human evolution. She always manages to stay one step ahead of Little Green's humanitarian efforts.
She's also the love of Nathaniel's life.
Miss Snark's First Victim
This would have more punch if I knew what a psychic plague was. A psychic ability is based in the mind so a bit more on how that's killing people would be helpful.
ReplyDeleteAnd why have the MC as a ghost? (I assume the ghost in your MC). That's problematic bc what are the stakes for the ghost? He's already dead. What more can happen?
The rest of the pitch is pretty clear, tho.
A few questions on this. Does it have to be a psychic plague? Would a regular plague be bad enough to drive your plot? This makes me wonder how one could identify who was affected and when they would become contagious. How does a human or a ghost know? I'm guessing Nathaniel is your MC b/c of the love of his life thing. Is that correct? If so, he should be named first. I can see his stakes in warring against the ghost possessing him in order to save her life, meanwhile, she's working against the ghost. I think that's what's going on here, but I had to think a little bit to puzzle it out. It's also a little hard to know who is the humanitarian here: the one killing people (not cool), or the one who thinks the plague should be allowed to spread. Does anyone try to cure people? Does Nathaniel? That could be a good twist, esp. if he's a med student or dr. Also a neat twist (maybe you'd done this) is if the ghost is that of an early victim. Food for thought! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat pitch! I love the idea that patient zero seems totally okay with being infected. This feels almost like it's setting up a cat-and-mouse or spy vs. spy sort of story (but between lovers - sort of), so if that's the case then I'd maybe emphasize that a bit more in the pitch. I wasn't clear, for example, how patient zero was getting in Ghosthaniel's (see what I did there) way. Is she blocking the murder attempts somehow? Or just infecting more people? Is there ever a chance that Nathaniel will be free of the ghost? Those were my main questions. But it's definitely something I'd like to read!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of a stubborn patient zero who must be killed by someone who loves her. However, at least in this pitch, the ghost seems unnecessary to the story, and "psychic plague" sounds like a zombie twist? That makes the pitch seem a little too busy.
ReplyDeleteI'd start the pitch with your main character, and that might clear up some of the confusion. Love the idea of a ghost using a human to kill infected humans!
ReplyDeleteI'm quite confused as to who the protagonist is here. Is it Little Green or Nathaniel or the girl? If it's Little Green, this whole thing should be from his perspective (which means that he shouldn't care what Nathaniel feels for the girl unless it stops him from completing his mission).
ReplyDeleteHolly