TITLE: Truth Seekers
GENRE: YA Fantasy
'Snick' is a runaway palace servant who isn't at all in line for the throne. She's dreamed of running her own kitchen for years. The Truth Seekers are looking for an experienced cook to leave with a group of refugees. They think Snick could be that cook, if she can prove she can work in all sorts of adverse conditions. It's the chance of a lifetime. But earning it may get Snick killed—or, almost as bad, discovered.
Miss Snark's First Victim
It sounds like a good book, but maybe get rid of the part about her "who isn't at all in line for the throne" so you could add some comps or more information about the book.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a different POV for a YA fantasy. But perhaps explain a bit more who the Truth Seekers are...unless who they aren't doesn't matter as much as the opportunity to run Snick's own kitchen. That would be a fun premise - a coming-of-age chef in the middle of a YA fantasy rebellion. :)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know a little more about the Truth Seekers. Additionally, "isn't at all in line for the throne" makes me suspect that she is indeed in line for the throne, because there is a touch of ironic humor there. If this isn't the case, I would suggest cutting that part out. I wouldn't put "Snick" in quotations either, since that is her nickname. Otherwise, I think this is a strong pitch with a fascinating premise!
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious this information is important to the story, "Snick' is a runaway palace servant who isn't at all in line for the throne." However, it's a distraction from your good hook. If you leave it out, you'll see nothing is lost from the "problem" of the story. What you've made your first sentence sounds like a surprise or twist that you would include in a summary for an agent. I don't think it's the hook. Wanting a cook to serve refugees in adverse conditions is a great hook that I would want to know more about.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone. Kirsten and Aden hit on an important detail: a major subplot is that Snick is in line for the throne. I'm getting the feeling this is going to need a complete rewrite rather than some minor fixing.
ReplyDeleteOn to another draft, I suppose.
You need to keep this whole thing in her POV. These two Lines ("The Truth Seekers are... adverse conditions") are in the Truth Seekers POV.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree that the first line doesn't read as sarcastic which makes this confusing.
Holly