TITLE: DEMONIAC
GENRE: YA Fantasy
DEMONIAC is a 70,000 word young adult fantasy novel that’s equal parts ‘Buffy’ and ‘Hellboy.’ Demoniac aims to analyse and undermine the sexist trope of the virgin sacrifice in media, particularly in horror stories. In Demoniac, the young woman who is sacrificed returns to life with all of the powers of the demon she was murdered to summon. She then uses them to fight for the good of humanity, while working through her lingering trauma from the abduction.
Miss Snark's First Victim
This sounds interesting. It reads more like a query, though, than a logline. Perhaps just use the part after, In Demoniac, but rewrite it so it comes off more exciting. It reads more like an explanation of your story, rather an exciting tease. Think movie trailer.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous commenter. Show us the premise through the eyes of the MC, esp the stakes - what she wants, what's stopping her and what'll happen if she doesn't get it.
ReplyDeleteI think you are delving into theme and why the story was written, when what we need is a character to root for. I do like the comps and the idea, but I need to know more about the character to be invested.
ReplyDeleteAgree with all of the above. Excited about your goal and intention, but weave that through the pitch of the story itself--that's what the reader will experience anyway!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a good story, but the pitch itself is very telling instead of showing. It just kind of explains to us what the story is. I agree with above, we need to see it from the eyes of the main character and know what the stakes are.
ReplyDeleteI love Buffy, so this is right up my alley. Please email your query + 3 chapters + synopsis to lauren@triadaus.com, and include "Birthday Blog Pitch" in the subj line. I look forward to reading!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Barbara above - this read more like a query or synopsis. I think the pitch would actually be more successful if it started at "the young woman who is sacrificed..." Before that, it doesn't read like a pitch. I like to read book jacket blurbs to get a sense of the type of language used to hook. Congrats on your request though!!
ReplyDeleteI agree. This is a summary of your story, not a pitch. A pitch tells us what your main character wants, why she wants it, and what she will need to do to get it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly