TITLE: Aloha
GENRE: YA Contemporary
Look up the word survivor and you’ll find Honor Washington’s photo. She’s survived being raped, two counts of justifiable homicide and the indifference of her hoarding mother. But what might kill her is the dream she’s after, because in order to achieve it, she’s made her town’s worst enemy her new best friend.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I like the first part, although I might reword to say, 'Honor Washington is the epitome of a survivor. Rape. Two Counts of justifiable homicide. Indifference ofher hoarding mother. The second part is a bit confusing and I think needs to be reworked. Why will the town's worst enemy becoming her best friend almost kill her? I think you need to be a little clearer with the stakes.
ReplyDeleteIt would make me pause and ask for more!
ReplyDeleteI like this pitch a lot. And I like the wording of the first line.
ReplyDeleteThe third line says a dream she's after might kill her. Can you give us something about her dream in the pitch?
Also, maybe rephrase the last part of the last line.....to achieve it, the town's worst enemy must become her new best friend.
This pitch certainly made me care for the Honor. Who wouldn’t want to see her get her dream. But I would like to know more about what that dream might be and what it could cost her. I don’t know what a towns worst enemy could be. A developer? A serial killer? A farmer bent on revenge? A specific word here and there would ramp this pitch to the next level. You’re so close.
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