TITLE: Back in His Arms
GENRE: Contemporary Romance
Megan Moore wanted to blame the apparition on the restaurant’s muted lighting. On the two lemon drops and one pomegranate cosmopolitan she had imbibed. On anything except the fact that the man leaning against the wall before her, eyes imprisoning hers, was flesh and bone, blood and desire.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Definitely hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I'd even love to see this taken further - more things she could blame it on.
ReplyDeleteapparition makes it sound paranormal. I like the progression of sentences. I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteWait, is he a ghost or a much-alive hunk? Maybe add "shots" after "lemon drop" in case people don't know what they are.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Would perhaps tighten a bit...
ReplyDeleteMegan Moore wanted to blame the apparition on the restaurant's muted lighting. On the two lemon drops and one pomegranate cosmopolitan she drank. But the man leaning against the wall,whose eyes had imprisoned hers, was flesh and bone, blood and desire.
Hooked. But I would tighten just a tad. And is this going to be funny contemporary romance or serious...because you have room for some funny if you want it in there.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this up until the last sentence. That one jarred me; if he's flesh and bone, then why did she call him an apparition? 'Apparition' word implies 'ghost-like'.
ReplyDeleteIt probably wouldn't have bothered me so much if the final sentence wasn't shading toward melodrama. The first three sentences, however, are tight and have a great voice.
Hooked! Nice job.
ReplyDeleteVery contemp romance. Would read on.
ReplyDeleteThought ghost, then thought hunk. Not sure which. Lemon drops are shots? Didn't know that. I was picturing the little candies and wasn't sure why they'd cause hallucinations.
ReplyDeleteVery nice writing. Drew me along.