TITLE: The Nettle Spinner--a fairy tale retelling
GENRE: YA Fantasy
When Renelde--who has twice rebuffed the Count Burchard's 'invitation' to come to the castle--tells the Count of her recent engagement to Guilbert the woodsman, the Count reminds Renelde she may not marry without his consent:
"My lord's will must obeyed," I whispered, seeing he demanded an answer.
"But you haven't obeyed me yet, Renelde." He paced and tapped his chin. "No." He shook his head then leaned upon the spinning wheel, his face mere inches from my own. "I think I shall give you leave to marry. But upon one condition." He smiled, then renewed a slow pacing before the wheel. "Have you noticed the tall nettles that grow near the churchyard walls?"
I nodded.
"Go gather them up and spin thread from them, if you can. Enough for two items. A wedding shift and a burial shroud. For the day you marry another, Renelde, is the day I am laid in my grave."
I looked down, trying to keep my breaths still. Spin from nettles? Was he mad?
"But will you reconsider?" The Count's voice was a haunted whisper as his right hand curled to a fist. "Renelde," he said, "A woodcutter, when you might marry a Count?" He spat upon the ground and the spittle glistened upon the dust near his foot.
Gripping my jaw, he forced me to meet his gaze. "I would adorn you in silk and bedeck you with jewels." There was a faraway look to his eyes that frightened me.
"No, my lord."
"I would send the Countess away and marry you, Renelde." He focused on me at last. "I would marry you!" He leaned close to kiss me, but I turned my face away and pushed against him as hard as I could.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I'm a little stunned that her first thought after the condition is that spinning from nettles is crazy. I'm still stuck on the whole "is it actually permission if he's saying he's going to die?" And what does he mean by that? Is he going to kill himself if she marries? Or is he saying she must wait until he actually dies? I think she would be more confused by these things, since she really wants to marry this other guy.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely tension in this scene, and I wonder how its going to play out. Will the count let her marry? And I didn't realize he was already married! Nice little addition to the tension and layers of the story.
You have a missing word in that first sentence: "My lord's will must BE obeyed"
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I really liked this. Love the tension, and the strange relationship between them. The Count gave me super creepy vibes, but I love the whole command to spin thread from nettles. I'd read on.
I like this. I love retold fairy tails so I'd definitely read more!
ReplyDeleteThis is good stuff. But seriously, doesn't title mean anything anymore? She should have just visited the count when he asked. Honestly, I think they deserve each other, they're both such drama queens. Haha! Anyway, as I said , good stuff.
ReplyDeleteGood job! I would read on, definitely, most definitely read on! Excellent visual in the spit (made me say, yuck, LOL). It put me into the scene so to speak! Faraway eyes, haunted whisper, curled to a fist; all very good visuals.
ReplyDeleteNo crits to offer you, I’m afraid except irritation, lol, that I can’t read more!
If there was a reveal here, I didn't see it.
ReplyDeleteThere was also nothing at stake for Renalde, so the count comes off as a nuisance, rather than a real problem. He's not demandng she marry him, or else. He's not threatening the life of the woodctter, or hers, so she is free to keep refusing him.
I wondered at her taking him literally when he told her to spin nettles into a wedding gown and shroud. It seems she would have been wondering what he meant about the gown and shroud. As Bittersweet asked, was he going to kill himself if she married, or would she only be able to marry after he died?. What he meant wasn't clear.
The writing is good, but without a real threat hanging over her head, the 'will you marry me, no I won't,' could go on forever. Perhaps have the count give her an ultimatum she can't refuse.
Thank you for leaving your critiques and comments here. They have all been VERY helpful!
ReplyDelete