TITLE: AMELIA AND THE OTHER WORLDS
GENRE: MG Fantasy
An upper middle grade fantasy, AMELIA AND THE OTHER WORLDS is complete at 60,000 words.
When another version of herself gives twelve-year old Amelia a pendant allowing her to travel between parallel worlds, she thinks it’s the greatest thing ever. She visits her dog (dead in her world), explores an underground city, and attends a version of her middle school with the motto “all fun all the time.” The fact that the alternate-reality Amelias take her place while she’s gone seems a fair price to pay—even when they start messing up her life, getting her grounded, and promising her mom she’ll try out for the cheer team.
It’s only when an alternate version of her family dies in a parallel world that she realizes the pendant was given to her for a reason. The mystery is further complicated by her suspicion that Seb—the boy she keeps meeting in the other realities—is connected to the deaths. Whole realms are dying, and if Amelia can’t figure out the cause, the next world destroyed may be her own.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Yes! It sounds like this story has a lot of interesting twists and turns!
ReplyDeleteYes. Unique concept (maybe a little dark for MG? I don't read the genre so not sure), but I am totally hooked by your query. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm hooked! Cool, unique concept and a great voice.
ReplyDeletea tentative yes. It would depend on the voice of the sample. The concept of parallel worlds sounds interesting but they wouldn't stay parallel for long. If someone dies in one reality, then the children they have in another reality won't exist. This would create a massive split in realities from the beginning. Thus the realities wouldn't be very parallel. Yes I've thought about this too much.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting idea, but the query didn't grab me enough. I would have liked a little more elaboration on the villan.
ReplyDeleteYes. I like the concept, though I'm concerned that you spend more time talking about the 'fun' things that happen than the conflict.
ReplyDeleteYes, the plot feels solid and the characters are believeable
ReplyDeleteYes. I can follow the premise and I understand the conflict and the stakes.
ReplyDeleteYes. The concept itself is unique enough to draw me in. Plus good query.
ReplyDeleteSolid yes. I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI had to read this a few times and am still confused.
Yes - but I'd ask for a partial, not the full ms. It does feel a bit convoluted, and I get no sense of what the middle of the story will be.
ReplyDeleteYes. Short and to the point - and intriguing!
ReplyDeleteYes. Love the concept and the voice.
ReplyDeleteThe only part that might need improvement is the phrase 'The mystery is further complicated by'--it doesn't seem to fit the rest of the voice.
Tentative yes... I had to reread a few lines to make sure I understood the premise.
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ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite story idea of the twenty, but the last two sentences were off. Reluctant yes for a few pages.
ReplyDeleteYes! But I am concerned it may be a bit dark for MG (I don't know the parameters for MG). Has a "Molly Moon" flavor to it, which is a fave. Send on!
ReplyDeleteYES! Concise, great premise, lots of fun & trouble, but agree with DSH above, the last sentence is off.
ReplyDeleteYes. Interesting idea.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteThe premise is intriguing, and the query was pretty easy to follow. My only wish would have been that the last paragraph was less vague on the hows and whys.
Also: Not too dark for MG.
ReplyDeleteYes. Great premise, love the plot twist, and sounds like a great ticking clock to move the action. The only thing I'm not fond of is the title. Too on the nose?
ReplyDeleteYes. Great concept, clearly presented. I trust this writer to take me to cool places!
ReplyDeleteYes. Cool premise and nice query.
ReplyDeleteYes, the story is presented well, it's concise. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteYes. Interesing premise, and the alternate Amelia's wreaking havoc on the real Amelia's life has great comic potential.
ReplyDeleteYes, I like the voice, and the concept intrigues me. The ending feels a little off, but I'd definitely want to read pages.
ReplyDeleteHeck yes. Compelling concept and clean writing. I'd be excited to read these pages.
ReplyDeleteI like this one too. I love MG fantasy anyway, though. Good query (though you already know this).
ReplyDeleteYes - I have a clear idea of the protagonist and what's at stake in your consise query! Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteYes. This does exactly what a query should do. I know what the story is about, and I know you can write smooth, clear sentences.
ReplyDeleteYes, I would love to read more of this. The only thing that bothers me about this query is that I had an idea for a story similar to this one and now I have to rethink.
ReplyDeleteNow that I've read all the entries, I came back to say that this is my favorite.
ReplyDelete