TITLE: Straw. Salt. Gold.
GENRE: YA Fantasy
Crack.
A sickening noise echoes through the flat, breaking my concentration. The wool I spin snaps, as the spinning wheel flies forward, and I topple over. Yarn tangles and splits in the bobbins, catching around the spokes of the wheel. I brush the dust from my skirt and relight my oil lamp to better survey the damage.
My heart sinks.
The spinning wheel, wedged into the hatbox of a room, is cracked in two, with its support beam split in half. All of its parts; crank, flyer, and treadle, list precariously. The soft merino wool my older brother Braun traded for, hoping to sell my handiwork for cabbages and bread, is a tangled mess. At best it will need to be re-carded.
A half days work gone in a pop and a flash.
The wheel must be fixable. It must be. As gently as I can, I lay the great wheel on its side, wishing for a miracle. I’ve patched my wheel before, held it together with beeswax, tar, and prayers. The fixes were crude, but they worked when we needed them. This time, to keep the rot from spreading the support beam will need to be removed and replaced.
In my heart, I hear Braun sighing; “Oh Rumilla, another expense?”
Wiping the grime on my skirt, I pick up my wrench from the toolbox. I’ll take in the part to salvage, instead of dwelling on the destroyed fiber.
Just another piece of ill-luck, in two years overflowing with ill-luck.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I found a lot of the terminology regarding spinning confusing. I know nothing about the subject and so found this entry difficult to read. Normally, I wouldn't criticize something I don't personally know about, but I feel that most people wouldn't as well. It's a limited audience to open up with. The rest is well done and the last line is great, but how many people will accompany you that far? Is all of it necessary to the point?
ReplyDeleteI was a little bit confused about the time frame. I used clues like the spinning and trading to think it is a fairy tale like setting or middle ages, but I don't think they used wrenches then.
ReplyDeleteI think I would leave out the whole sentence about the sickening noise and go straight into the next line.
Congrats. You have me wondering what comes next.
You did a great job setting this scene. I could easily picture the spinning wheel and feel the character's frustration. I also liked your combination of long and short sentences. It's very difficult to tell where you are taking this in just 250 words. Things could pick up and get exciting a paragraph later. If the spinning wheel is vital to the story- which based on the title it seems to be- then this is probably a good place to start the story. If it isn't, you may want to consider picking a different event to begin the story.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job setting this scene. I could easily picture the spinning wheel and feel the character's frustration. I also liked your combination of long and short sentences. It's very difficult to tell where you are taking this in just 250 words. Things could pick up and get exciting a paragraph later. If the spinning wheel is vital to the story- which based on the title it seems to be- then this is probably a good place to start the story. If it isn't, you may want to consider picking a different event to begin the story.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't change a word! I will warn you, though, that present tense is something that brings out wildly opposing opinions in publishing. Some editors (and agents, I assume) really hate it. I have known editors to acquire present tense books and make the author change it all to past tense! So just be aware that you've made a potentially controversial choice there.
ReplyDelete