Friday Fricassee

I really don't want to turn Friday Fricassee into a grammar lesson, but I just have to say this one little thing, and then we'll move on.  Fair enough?

It's this:  YOU ARE A WRITER.  PLEASE LEARN HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION.

There.  I've said it.

Specifically (and yes, I'm actually ignore the whole learn-to-use-commas-with-non-restrictive-clauses thing today), I'm talking about correct punctuation with quotation marks.  To wit:

It's

"Close the door," he said.

IT IS NOT

"Close the door," He said.

IS IS ALSO NOT

"Close the door."  he said.

It's COMMA, END-QUOTE, small letter for the tag.  UNLESS it's the character's name, which, of course, is capitalized.

"Close the door," Trent said.

Also, it's

"I thought it was you." She laughed.  "I feel silly."

YOU CANNOT LAUGH WORDS.  THEREFORE, IT IS NOT

"I thought it was you," she laughed,  "I feel silly."

IT IS ALSO NOT

"I thought it was you," She laughed.  "I feel silly."

BEATS ARE NOT DIALOGUE TAGS.  So it's PERIOD, END-QUOTE, CAPITAL LETTER TO BEGIN A NEW SENTENCE.

Capiche?

I know a lot of you don't need this advice.  But I am honestly bamboozled by the number of simple punctuation errors I come across in my editing.  They're not isolated typos, either--they are consistent, repetitive errors.

Easy fix: learn the rules.  It's the least you can do for your craft.

Okay.  I feel better now.

Now for the "other things":

1.  The Premiere Critique spot has been filled.  Check back next month if this is something you're interested in.

2.  In the vein of "First Kiss", I'm open to suggestions for other theme-specific in-house critiques.  What sort of thing would you like to see?  Please share your ideas below.

3.  It's FRIDAY and it's SPRINGTIME!  Have a lovely weekend.

Premiere Critique Slot Open

If you've been waiting for the next slot to open, your chance has arrived.  I've cleared my schedule for another Premiere Critique from Authoress Edits.  The details:

• a detailed line edit of your first 75 pages
• editorial letter
• guaranteed 1-week turnaround
• $260, payable in 2 installments

Interested?  Email me at authoress.edits(at)gmail.com.  All genres except erotica.  First come, first served.

I've also caught up on my latest round of 3-page edits, so if you'd like me to look at your first 3 pages for $18, email me.

And, of course, I continually accept my classic 30-page projects, for which the wait time is now only 1 1 1/2 to 2 months (used to be 3 months, so this makes me happy!).  

Just a reminder:  If nobody has ever read your work before, PLEASE DON'T HIRE ME.  You need a critique partner (or 2 or 3 or 10) before you need an edit-for-hire.  Do your first rounds first, and THEN pop me an email!

UPDATE:  The slot has been filled.  Check again next month!

First Kiss: Critique Guidelines

Guidelines for Critique on MSFV:

• Please leave your critique for each entry in the comment box for that entry.
• Please choose a screen name to sign your comments. The screen name DOES NOT have to be your real name; however, it needs to be an identifiable name.  ("Anonymous" is not a name.)
• Critiques should be honest but kind, helpful but sensitive.
• Critiques that attack the writer or are couched in unkind words will be deleted.*
• Cheerleading IS NOT THE SAME as critiquing.  Please don't cheerlead.
• Having said that, it is perfectly acceptable to say positive things about an entry that you feel is strong.  To make these positive comments more helpful, say why it's a strong entry.
• ENTRANTS: As your way of "giving back", please critique a minimum of 3 other entries.

*I can't possibly read every comment.  If you ever see a comment that is truly snarky, please email me.  I count on your help.

First Kiss #20

TITLE: Queen of the Night
GENRE: YA Fantasy

Sarah and Prince Liam of Zyris had a budding romance before she was tricked into joining his enemies and becoming queen of the rebellious Night.

The color drained from his face, making his eyes dark pools of shock. “My men said only that you warned of the coming attacks on Finormaydun and Woodland Heights.”

“Carl told me you weren’t there, that it must have been a trick. If I had known, I would never have agreed to join the Night! I’ve always thought you would be a better leader than Devon and didn’t want to trust him, but after that day I had no choice. I let him convince me it would be better for me to rule. Now I know he must be defeated. I just don’t know how.”

Perhaps I did start to black out, because he caught me in his arms. “You foolish, naïve, wonderful girl,” he murmured gently in my ear. Wonderful? “What seemingly innocent magic do you weave! I am trapped by more than the law of honor.” He pulled away, holding onto my shoulders. Happiness beamed from every pore on his face. “The Queen of the Night is not evil!”

We stared into each other’s eyes, a new type of tension stretching between us. Ever so slowly, he bent his head and touched his lips to mine. My arms went around him and the touch of his hands sliding from my shoulder blades to my waist sent warmth radiating everywhere. For one delicious but brief moment, nothing else mattered. Not Zyris. Not the Night. Nothing, but the magic in that kiss.

Then he touched his forehead to mine, pulling his lips away enough to speak. “I must ask your forgiveness for not trusting you. Can you not call off these evil creatures?”

I was swooning a little more than ever from the kiss when the last question hit me with the fury of a desert monsoon.

First Kiss #19

TITLE: Ride One
GENRE: Young Adult Western

Seph and Avery just rescued her brother from the man who killed Seph’s Father, and when he had the chance to kill him, he didn’t take it.

Now, that I think about it, I’ve never seen him kill anyone. Not the guard on the train, not even the gang following us out of Houston—he shot the rider in the shoulder that brought him off his horse. I just thought he missed.

“You are nothing like him,” I say. “And you never will be.”

We stare at each other. The sky rumbles above us and for the first time in weeks, it rains. Drops of water splash into the dust. sending more up into the air until it comes down harder. We don’t move and we’re soaked in seconds.

Seph stands there with a wet bandana around his neck, his gun still belted crookedly around his hips, his shirt more grey than white in the rain. But everything tells me he doesn’t care.

Because I don’t either.

My heart urges me forward so hard it hurts. But I can’t move.

I make a weak attempt to keep my argument up, not knowing what else to do. “He’s going to come after us,” I say.

Seph shakes his head steps towards me. “I don’t give a s***.”

Then he’s kissing me. One hand slipping through my hair, the other pulling me closer. His lips are wet and taste like rain, softer than I could imagine. Somehow my hand is on his chest, feeling everything through his shirt—the curves of his muscles and his beating heart. I’m aware of all him but nothing at once.

How I haven’t known to want this before now is beyond me.

Seph slowly pulls away and I open my eyes. Rain drips from his hair and I can see every shade of green staring back.

He gives me the smallest smile. And kisses me again.