TITLE: Darkbeast
GENRE: YA Fantasy
Dear Agent Authoress,
I am seeking representation for my YA fantasy DARKBEAST which is complete at 97,000 words.
Panza is evil by birth. As a barghest, a mythical dog with a howl that can raise the dead and a bark that can lay them back to rest, her powers are dark and mistrusted even though she tries to keep the black magic and murder to a minimum.
When she saves Spike, unicorn and reluctant prince, from death by dragons, she feels an instant connection. But the unicorns of Spike’s herd won’t stand for their friendship, nor is Panza as lonely as she first thought. There’s a new barghest in Whitwer: Mang. He plans to take back the world for the denizens of death, and he wants Panza fighting alongside him.
Panza’s place is with Mang, but her heart is with Spike and those few mythical creatures to accept her. She chooses the unicorns – but the part of her that is barghest may yet lead to blood.
DARKBEAST thinks on four paws and portrays a society saturated with magic and full of dragons, griffins, trolls and sphinxes. The fantastic setting is a backdrop for characters human in all but shape and struggling with issues of identity and inclusivity. It will be my debut novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The Author.
No. The voice feels too young (closer to MG) for the plot and genre.
ReplyDeleteNo. Voice and story is suited more for MG than YA. Needs a hook and don't mention the debut novel part.
ReplyDeleteNo. A dog for an MC isn't something that interests me.
ReplyDeleteNo. Animal MCs are a tough sale in YA, but your story sounds interesting, and probably better suited to Middle Grade.
ReplyDeleteOn the fence. On one hand, the writing seems strong. On the other hand, I'm not terribly interested in dogs/unicorns/griffins/trolls.
ReplyDeleteNo. The world seems overly-saturated with magical creatures and the conflict seems scattered and unfocused.
ReplyDeleteThe story itself may be good, and I wouldn't necessarily classify it as MG, but as presented here, there's too much going on.
No. MC dogs for adults doesn't work for me. If she could turn into a human, then yes.
ReplyDeleteIt's a no for now, sorry - your writing seems strong, but I'm a little hesitant about the unicorn love interest.
ReplyDeleteNo for me. You lost me at the MC is a dog in love with a unicorn.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I disagree with others above about the voice- I think it sounds YA to me.
No, if I were an agent--sounds too young, and I can't quite tell if this is serious, or meant to be more on the funny side.
ReplyDeleteBut as a reader I find the barghest element awesome. (I would like more barghest protags.)
Yes. A fresh premise, clear writing, and dose of dark humor.
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DeleteNope not for me
ReplyDeleteNot for me. Too many characters and foreign words for me to get pulled in on a single read. Also, the plot and character seem vague. Why is the MC lonely but not as lonely as she thought? Also, I can't tell if what Mang is doing is "good" or "evil." It's unclear what's at stake.
ReplyDeleteNo. I agree that this is too MG. Very young.
ReplyDeleteNo. It feels really young. I outgrew animal protagonists when I was 12. I'd consider revising this for MG.
ReplyDeleteNo. Shows promise, but is too confusing.
ReplyDeleteNo, but more because I think your query needs to be a bit more focused on what she wants and what's standing in her way.
ReplyDeleteNo - unfocused and a bit confusing.
ReplyDeleteNo. There is a long history of fables (and novels) where animals stand in for humans: Animal Farm, Watership Down. It can work for adults but depends on the writing and story. Unicorns make this book seem young. Query told too much.
ReplyDeleteI would want to see this if it were recast as MG (maybe even the young end of MG.)
ReplyDeleteNo. The premise hasn't hooked me and I'm a bit confused as to where it's going. And I agree with the others, perhaps more effective as MG.
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm not clear enough on the world you're dealing with.
ReplyDeleteJust a heads up, there is another book titled 'Darkbeast' set to come out in two months.
ReplyDeleteNo. Too many mythical creatures and a world that doesn't feel focused.
ReplyDeleteNo. It sounded weird, not interesting. Not that this plot couldn't work (for an MG audience I'd think) but the voice didn't put me in a place where dogs in love with unicorns sounded at all appealing.
ReplyDeleteAuthor here! Thanks so much for all your comments. I'm especially interested that so many read it as a unicorn-barghest romance - the relationship is purely platonic!
ReplyDeleteCheers all, and I shall get revising.
This is a no for me. I'll echo what others said about this being more appropriate for a Middle Grade audience, but not because of voice, because of content. Middle Grade is where you find the animals as protagonists. With that in mind, 97K is too long. I'd recommend making this younger and shorter.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I don't understand from this query is Panza's GMC. WHAT is her goal? WHY does that lead her to save a unicorn, if she is evil by birth? Since the answers to these two questions form the premise on which the rest of the story builds, it's an error to leave those details out of the query. You want an agent asking what happens next, not why is this happening?
That said, it is not an error to mention this is a debut novel, although I saw that mentioned in other comments. It may be an error to tell what themes (issues) are central to the story, as it's better to show these things.
I'm also hesitant about Panza being in love with a unicorn. It's a worry about age appropriateness, and also a worry about the whole cross-species thing. Not everyone will have the same objections, but I wonder if you couldn't explore the same central themes of identity and inclusivity with Panza and Spike wanting to be friends.
Yes. I am just curious enough by this world that I would read the opening to see if it hooked me.
ReplyDeleteIt is unusual to see an animal MC in a YA - at least one that can't somehow morph into human form. I'm not sure how well it would sell even if you do make them very humanoid. I'd read a few pages though. I'm curious enough to see what the writing is like.
ReplyDeleteYes! It sounds like a really original story and I like the "thinks on four paws"
ReplyDeleteNo. The writing is clear, but I don't feel like I care about Panza, maybe because I don't understand the motivations of most of the characters.
ReplyDeleteThe dog MC threw me too, but I didn't want to make a decision based on that ;-)
No. There's a LOT going on in this query that took me a minute to process. She's a dog who can raise the dead; he's a unicorn fated to lead his speciest herd... I get that it's a really imaginative fantasy world, but it's so unusual that I don't feel like I have an anchor when reading the query.
ReplyDeleteNo. Like some others, I don't like a story where none of the main characters are human.
ReplyDeleteThis lost me at the contradiction in the first paragraph. So she was born evil (which I read as a 'tell', even in a query) - but then she is trying to keep all the death and mayhem to a minimum?
ReplyDelete