Wednesday, November 7, 2018

The Plague of Inadequacy

Victoria Schwab


I've been so absent. But then, I knew this was coming--there is a vastly different feel to writing TOWARD the hope of publication and writing AFTER you've signed a contract--and your editor has set a date. It's odd, really; I'm doing the same thing I've been doing for thirteen years, but the underlying pressure of knowing it's already sold and I-have-to-get-this-right is a reality I'm learning to embrace.

Victoria (V.E.) Schwab recently posted the above quote on Instagram. I read it and it stabbed me deep in my belly, because THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. The encouraging part is that the feeling of inadequacy isn't paralyzing me. I simply keep pressing ahead, writing my 1000 words a day, learning to multitask story restructuring with continued drafting (definitely a new place for me). And I'm learning that pressing through the underlying belief that I don't know what I'm doing and every word on the page is dung is making me stronger and more capable.

Mind you, there are always the unbidden bouts of angst that grab me by the entrails and shake my world for a time. That's when the tears come--those moments where I truly and utterly believe that I CAN'T DO WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING.

Think about that. I'm DOING it, but I don't believe I CAN do it. Even though I've DONE it before.

Are you feeling it? Nodding vehemently, maybe? Fighting your own tears?

What we create is always bigger than we are, because that's what art is, in all its forms. BIGGER than us, to draw us out and encourage our minds and hearts and spirits to expand. It's also bigger than us because it really does take a village to create a book. We all know that writing doesn't take place in a vacuum, and that the input from our beta readers and critique partners and agents and editors is a huge part of each story's development and final state.

Yet the feelings of inadequacy persist. So I fight through them every day, enjoying moments of sparkle and moments of hope along the way (though it's not unusual to have many days in a row without any hope at all). Sometimes I actually say out loud to myself, "Why am I doing this?" or even "I can't do this."

Seriously. That's called SPEAKING LIES TO YOURSELF. And I know better.

Anyway. As soon as I read Victoria's words this morning, I knew I had to share them. My brain screamed THIS THIS THIS THIS until I saved the file and opened Blogger. Because always, always, always, there is someone who desperately needs not to feel alone. Someone who feels so inadequate in the moment that quitting feels easier.

Don't do it. Don't quit.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm heading back to Scrivener and my hot mess of a story (that, deep-down inside, I'm excited about, despite the first draft slog and the constant I-can't-do-this), and I'm going to SLAY the sense of inadequacy today.

And so are you.

23 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. ◾PROTOCOL SHIELDERS◾
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      SCAMMERS DONT PITTY YOU AND BY THE TIME YOU KNOW IT,YOU'VE GONE TOO DEEP BEING RIPPED OFF THROUGH DIVERSE TRICKY MEANS,PLEASE BE WISE ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ARTICLE AS YOU READ THROUGH IT.HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?? 
      You won't know until you fall a Victim but can be attentive to potential danger, error or harm if you take note of these:
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      ➡️NOTE: beware as we urge you not to make respond to any "IVAN HONG,PETER SANTOS,MONICA HART...(impersonating with our post pretending to work for us)WE ONLY HAVE 2 EMAILS WHICH ARE LISTED BELOW THIS ARTICLE TO ATTEND TO ALL MANNERS OF CYBER HACKING ISSUES.
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      Delete
    2. ◾PROTOCOL SHIELDERS◾
      HELLO, 
      I am COREY RODRIGUEZ by name,the only CEO of protocol-cyber-shield-hackers.  In this message, we will explain how you can almost avoid SCAMMERS and stay safe,  plus how our organization  works.
       Read it carefully!! Its reading will not take more than 10mins. 
      We kindly URGE you to not respond without have read the entire text. Those who mail without have read everything, ask questions that are answered here!! 
      ⚠️WARNING:
      MOST HACKERS YOU SEE HERE ARE FAKESAND SIMULTANEOUSLY INCONGRUOUS !!. It tears US up as we have received bitter emails of Jobs attempts proposals from most clients with hacking issues but never get it done and lost a lot in the process, EXAMPLES OF LOSSES ARE: ➡️BINARY FUNDS,➡️INVESTMENTS,➡️LARGE SCALE FUNDS,➡️PROPERTIES,➡️STONES(JEWELRIES) etc....
      all scammed by uncertified and fake hackers(impersonation) like most you see here, which is disappointingly inadequate, leaving their mess for us to deal with eventually (WE DON'T MEAN TO BRAG ABOUT THAT). 

      SCAMMERS DONT PITTY YOU AND BY THE TIME YOU KNOW IT,YOU'VE GONE TOO DEEP BEING RIPPED OFF THROUGH DIVERSE TRICKY MEANS,PLEASE BE WISE ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ARTICLE AS YOU READ THROUGH IT.HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?? 
      You won't know until you fall a Victim but can be attentive to potential danger, error or harm if you take note of these:
      1, you see uncertified email accounts carrying numberings like"iamhacklord1232@(gmail,yahoo or hotmailDOTcom"  pls flee from them, BIG SCAMMERS.They take your money and never do your job!! 
      2, you see posts like "do you need to spy on spouse?" All fake!just a way to lure you toward getting ripped OFF!. 
      3, posting fake testimonies and comments to trick you into feeling save and  secured. Pls endeavour to ignore!! 
      ➡️NOTE: beware as we urge you not to make respond to any "IVAN HONG,PETER SANTOS,MONICA HART...(impersonating with our post pretending to work for us)WE ONLY HAVE 2 EMAILS WHICH ARE LISTED BELOW THIS ARTICLE TO ATTEND TO ALL MANNERS OF CYBER HACKING ISSUES.
                             ◾VERY IMPORTANT ◾
      For years now, We've helped  organizations  secure data base,  so many sites USE US AS SECURITY BACK UP TEAM BECAUSE OF OUR METHODS OF  HANDLING CYBER MISHAPS.   "CLEAR CRIMINAL RECORDS"   "iPhone/ANDROID HACKS"   "FUNDS RECOVERIES" AND LOT MORE BEEN DONE IN SHORT TIMING!
      these are significant EXPERIENCES & RECORDS a good and effectively fully recognized organization must firmly ascertain. 
                              ◾OUR  "AIMS" HERE ◾
      Are:1◾to assign a qualified agent of specific rank to particularly any sort of cyber issues you intend dealing with in short and accurate timing.
      2◾ to screen in real hackers (gurus only) in need of job with or without a degree, to speed up the  availability of time given for Job contracts given to us.!! 
      Thus an online binary decoding exam will be set for those who seeks employment under the teams Establishment. write us on:
      ◾ProtocolhacksATgmaildotcom 
      ◾CybershieldnotchATgmaildotcom
      ◾binaryoptionretrievalATgmaildotcom

      COREY ROD, SIGNED...
      Thank you

      Delete
  2. I am completely gobsmacked at the pertinent arival of this email. It mirrors absolutely the way I've been feeling all day as I wrestle with a recalcitrant story that will simply not go my way! It's exactly what I needed to hear - not a word of a lie. Somebody round here is a mind reader, is all I can say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love, love, love that this happened. Usually, when something niggles at me to be written, this is why. Take heart, fellow writer!!

      Delete
  3. You go! I totally get how the pressure is different, though I haven't sold a book. (It's the same with artwork.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe you! It's the same principle, for sure. And you can feel inadequate regardless of whether or not whatever it is you're creating has sold. Funny how this can be so soul-crushing, but we keep loving and doing it! :)

      Delete
    2. ◾PROTOCOL SHIELDERS◾
      HELLO, 
      I am COREY RODRIGUEZ by name,the only CEO of protocol-cyber-shield-hackers.  In this message, we will explain how you can almost avoid SCAMMERS and stay safe,  plus how our organization  works.
       Read it carefully!! Its reading will not take more than 10mins. 
      We kindly URGE you to not respond without have read the entire text. Those who mail without have read everything, ask questions that are answered here!! 
      ⚠️WARNING:
      MOST HACKERS YOU SEE HERE ARE FAKESAND SIMULTANEOUSLY INCONGRUOUS !!. It tears US up as we have received bitter emails of Jobs attempts proposals from most clients with hacking issues but never get it done and lost a lot in the process, EXAMPLES OF LOSSES ARE: ➡️BINARY FUNDS,➡️INVESTMENTS,➡️LARGE SCALE FUNDS,➡️PROPERTIES,➡️STONES(JEWELRIES) etc....
      all scammed by uncertified and fake hackers(impersonation) like most you see here, which is disappointingly inadequate, leaving their mess for us to deal with eventually (WE DON'T MEAN TO BRAG ABOUT THAT). 

      SCAMMERS DONT PITTY YOU AND BY THE TIME YOU KNOW IT,YOU'VE GONE TOO DEEP BEING RIPPED OFF THROUGH DIVERSE TRICKY MEANS,PLEASE BE WISE ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ARTICLE AS YOU READ THROUGH IT.HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?? 
      You won't know until you fall a Victim but can be attentive to potential danger, error or harm if you take note of these:
      1, you see uncertified email accounts carrying numberings like"iamhacklord1232@(gmail,yahoo or hotmailDOTcom"  pls flee from them, BIG SCAMMERS.They take your money and never do your job!! 
      2, you see posts like "do you need to spy on spouse?" All fake!just a way to lure you toward getting ripped OFF!. 
      3, posting fake testimonies and comments to trick you into feeling save and  secured. Pls endeavour to ignore!! 
      ➡️NOTE: beware as we urge you not to make respond to any "IVAN HONG,PETER SANTOS,MONICA HART...(impersonating with our post pretending to work for us)WE ONLY HAVE 2 EMAILS WHICH ARE LISTED BELOW THIS ARTICLE TO ATTEND TO ALL MANNERS OF CYBER HACKING ISSUES.
                             ◾VERY IMPORTANT ◾
      For years now, We've helped  organizations  secure data base,  so many sites USE US AS SECURITY BACK UP TEAM BECAUSE OF OUR METHODS OF  HANDLING CYBER MISHAPS.   "CLEAR CRIMINAL RECORDS"   "iPhone/ANDROID HACKS"   "FUNDS RECOVERIES" AND LOT MORE BEEN DONE IN SHORT TIMING!
      these are significant EXPERIENCES & RECORDS a good and effectively fully recognized organization must firmly ascertain. 
                              ◾OUR  "AIMS" HERE ◾
      Are:1◾to assign a qualified agent of specific rank to particularly any sort of cyber issues you intend dealing with in short and accurate timing.
      2◾ to screen in real hackers (gurus only) in need of job with or without a degree, to speed up the  availability of time given for Job contracts given to us.!! 
      Thus an online binary decoding exam will be set for those who seeks employment under the teams Establishment. write us on:
      ◾ProtocolhacksATgmaildotcom 
      ◾CybershieldnotchATgmaildotcom
      ◾binaryoptionretrievalATgmaildotcom

      COREY ROD, SIGNED...
      Thank you

      Delete
  4. PERFECT TIMING. I am one of more than 200 authors speaking at the Louisiana Book Festival this weekend, yet I have those all-too-familiar "They'll find out I'm a fake" feelings...even though I have three published books.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohhhh, big hugs to you! I HATE those "they'll find out I'm a fake" feelings---where do they come from, anyway?

      You've got this!

      Delete
  5. Yes! I feel the same way, and my attempt to use NaNo to try and get the draft for my contracted book 2 done (and that's just the draft) after half a dozen false starts... Yes, that quote is sooo appropo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds like a great plan, though! There's something so intimidating about this contracted book 2 stuff. But we've got this!

      Delete
  6. My brain had the same reaction to the quote. Instant truth. It's always so important to remember that no matter how successful a writer is, they still have times they feel inadequate, like frauds. We all have that insecurity and need to hang on to that hope and joy. I've been struggling in my to get consistency in my own writing, so this was great timing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always glad to know that something I've written timed well for someone! :) Yes, that "I'm a fraud" is so prevalent...it's crazy. If nobody actually knew what they were doing, there wouldn't be any books!

      Delete
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