Monday, November 23, 2009

Our Very Special Christmas Contest!

I promised you some holiday fun, so here it is!

Lauren MacLeod of the Strothman Agency has graciously agreed to team up with me for our first annual WRITERLY CHRISTMAS LYRICS CONTEST.

Actually, Lauren came up with the idea herself. So I roped her right in.

Here's the deal: On Monday, December 7, you will be invited to set your best writing advice/jokes/impressions to holiday tunes.

Here's Lauren's brilliant example:

Joy to the world, my manuscript is done!
Let agents finally see this beast;
let every inbox prepare it room,
And, dear God, let the query sing,
Please, God, let the query sing
Oh god, dear God, let the query sing.

(And you thought she only agented. Pheh.)

THE RULES:
  • When the contest blog post appears, you may enter your masterpiece IN THE COMMENT BOX.
  • Absolutely no emails, please. Comment box only.
  • Please do not enter more than TWO masterpieces.
  • Please use a screen name by which you will be EASILY IDENTIFIABLE. "Anonymous" simply doesn't cut it. Especially if there are more than one.
  • Lewd entries will be deleted. But you wouldn't do that, anyway.
  • Your masterpiece should be an ORIGINAL set of lyrics that go along with a CHRISTMAS CAROL OR SONG. Please include the TITLE of the Christmas tune so that we can all sing along.
The contest will open at 8:00 am EST on Monday, December 7, and will close at 8:00 am EST on Wednesday, December 9. Comments will then be closed.

THE PRIZE:

Lauren MacLeod will call you on your cell phone and SING your masterpiece--live!

Not really.

THE REAL PRIZE:

Lauren MacLeod will CRITIQUE THE QUERY LETTER of the person whose entry she deems Best Of All.

The winner will be announced on Thursday, December 10.

How's that for holiday happiness? It's no secret that I adore Lauren MacLeod; believe me when I say that her feedback on your query letter will probably be the best Christmas present you could ask for.

Oh. You might want to skip entering if you don't have a polished query letter. It would look kinda silly if you won. Yanno?

That's it! Post your questions below; I'll get to them as quickly as I can.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Fricassee

Okay, fellow writers. I'm fessin' up.

My family is going to be here for Thanksgiving and I. Don't. Want. To. Stop. Writing.

You already know I'm not one of "those" writers. As in, the writing-is-my-oxygen type. Passionate, yes. Committed, yes. But not...well, one of "those" writers.

I mean, it's okay to BE one of "those" writers. I'm just not.

And here I am, blessed to have my family coming here for the second Thanksgiving in a row. Last year, it was my idea. This year, they invited themselves.

My family isn't like that, really. They're not the invite-yourselves type. (How annoying would that be?) So last year must've been a big hit.

Right?

So I'm glad they're coming. Really, I am.

It's just that I'm looking at the calendar and thinking, "Tuesday. Company arriving. No time to write. Wednesday. Baking pies and making broccoli-cheddar soup from scratch. No time to write. Thursday. Thanksgiving. Um..."

You get the idea.

Now, my parents like to have quiet time in the afternoons to read newspapers. Newspapers make me grouchy; they lie all over the house when my parents are here, making my little fingers black when I move them around. But I'm thinking newspapers will be my best friend next week. I may buy one of every paper I can get my hands on.

Because they can read and I can, yanno, write.

My sister's a different story, though. I WANT to have sister chattiness and go-out-for-coffeeness. I really do. But it's killing me to set aside my work.

Killing me.

I never dreamed there was a Type A personality tucked inside me.

So help me balance, will you? My goal is to finish Draft 3 (aka The Huge Rewrite) of my Dystopian project by December 31. And this Thanksgiving thing is a whole chunk of days to give up. Remind me that I can get back on track once the house has emptied. Remind me that I am a human being first, a writer second.

And if you're one of "those" writers, keep your belief that "writer" comes before "human being" to yourself. Please.

Because I never expected this from myself and I've only got a few days to get my head on straight.

Eagerly awaiting your words of wisdom...

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

#37 1000-Word

TITLE: Historian: A Tempest Guard Novel
GENRE: Urban Fantasy

Chase drew in a single deep breath and breathed out responsibility. He let all his stresses ease away. No worrying about the stuck drain in 5B and how he was going to have to page through the do-it-yourself plumbing books yet again. Hopefully he’d end up with less scraped knuckles this time. He could put off ordering in new light bulbs for the hallway lighting fixtures for a few hours. And there was no sense dwelling on the fact that he was pretty sure that Mrs. Hattaway in 3D was switching out the bulbs shortly after he replaced them.

All those concerns could wait.

Chase slouched against the side of the wide windowsill in his almost-uncle Mack’s apartment. He’d just meant to drop some groceries off while Mack was at work, but as often happened, he had gotten seduced by the peace of his window perch. Mack’s place was small and sparsely furnished, but just as clean and orderly as his automotive garage a few blocks away. Chase liked it here, and he liked Mack. But when he had the place to himself, he always came to watch from the window. From up here he could look out over the streets and not have to be involved. He didn’t have to worry about turf wars, getting knifed in the back for his shoes or getting roughed up for what few scraps of cash he might have on him.

He also didn’t have to be in charge of his apartment complex. No seventeen-year-old should be, but it had been status quo for him since he was about twelve. His mom had stopped even making an attempt right around that time and simply stayed doped up on whatever she could get her hands on. Chase had kept the complex going with Mack’s help or he wouldn’t have eaten. Now he took these precious minutes to simply watch and let the weight of responsibility slip away.

Then they ruined it. They looked innocuous at first – a chick completely tricked out in a leather biker babe getup and the tall, corpse-looking guy walking beside her. Weird people showed up down here all the time and this duo could be just two more in the long list.

Usually it wouldn’t bother him. Strangers came and went. They came down here by accident, to escape their own lives, or to tiptoe around danger and feel brave. His instincts, however, were screaming at him - the same instincts that warned when he was being followed; he’d learned to trust them.

These two stiffs had checked every street sign and hadn’t greeted a single person along the way. In fact, people were giving them a wide berth like they were dangerous. That last was what decided him. After they entered the squat abandoned storefront across the way, he blew out a disgusted sigh and hopped down from his roost. He’d go take a look-see, find out what they were all about and if they looked like serious trouble, he’d go tell Mack.

He hustled down the three flights, fought for a moment with the busted door knob, and then finally emerged into the dark night. Strolling across the street, he automatically avoided both the glaring street lights that would ruin his night vision and the deep shadows that hid the human predators stalking the area. A pungent odor had him looking at the pavement. Stepping lightly, he avoided a pile of desiccating newspapers and a puddle that smelled like piss and vomit.

Gak. Wouldn’t want that on his shoes – they were in rough enough shape.

A flicker at the edge of his peripheral vision caught his attention. A guy about his own age, thin and lanky, with a predatory glint in his eyes took a step towards Chase. Jakes or Jaz or something like that was his name. He was a small-time thug. But even wanna-be gangsters could be dangerous. Chase returned a slow smile and reached behind him, hand going under the bottom of his shirt to his waistband. He only had a small knife there, but this guy didn’t know that. As he started to withdraw his hand, Jakes or Jaz, whoever, hesitated, splayed his hands out and backed away. Chase smiled bigger. God loved a good bluff.

Once he reached his target building, he stuck to the shadows and methodically worked his way around, listening carefully to the sounds of the streets around him. The usual faint night traffic was reassuring. No sudden ruckus or tense silence. Nothing going down. The truly rough denizens weren’t out yet but it still paid to be vigilant.

He peeked quickly through each grimy window he could reach. At one time, someone had tried to brighten the place up by hanging colorful curtains at some of the windows. Chase snorted at the wasted effort. Now those curtains were ragged and bleached by the sun. Some windows had been boarded up.

Finally, around the back he saw light gleaming faintly from a window. Faded red draperies gapped a couple of inches at the center.

As quietly as he could, he crouched down to one side, brushing away the chunks of chipped mortar peppering the ground. His grungy gray sweatpants were already torn in three places and the drawstring was almost completely ripped out. The last thing he needed in them was another hole.

Settling himself on his knees, he took a deep breath and spared another quick glance at his surroundings. He was still alone. Leaning over, he darted a look through the window. Blazing teal eyes stared back at him from the far wall. His heart jumped and a shocked breath forced its way into his lungs. In that heartbeat, his brain refused to process anything more significant than the eye color. They were no normal shade of blue or green, but a shade in between.

It was like the color they’d used on those Geos so many years ago, was his bemused thought. Hideous color on a car, but absolutely kickin’ on the lady chained to the wall before him.

His brain started catching up with the scene.

Ah, s***. Who the hell chained people to walls, nowadays anyways? This was no castle and dungeon setup, although she definitely looked like a damsel in distress.

#36 1000-Word

TITLE: WONDERLAND
GENRE: Memoire



Here it was the end of the third summer of high school and Pierre would be going back without a dependable female social companion for the near future. He was bemoaning the prospects with his friend Vern when an idea hatched that had some possibilities.

Vern's girlfriend Julie had just returned from a self-reliance building camp that lasted half the summer. Pierre had listened to Vern read some of Julie's letters she sent while at camp. The parts Pierre was most interested in hearing were the realizations she and her friend Gelany were having about how fun outdoor wilderness activities could be and how much their lives were changed by the experience.

Pierre had noticed Gelany before. She was a no-nonsense down-to-earth person if not a little pensive and short tempered. He was somewhat interested to hear about the girls summer first hand as Vern had proposed the four of them get together soon to hear about their new and possibly great expectations.

The next Saturday the four of them met at Gelany's house. Both girls were quite excited to share all the events of the summer and had pictures to show and souvenirs to explain. From the photos Pierre gathered the format of the camp was an extended bivouac where groups of six girls went through a well planned and supervised wilderness experience. An initial impression that they were going to hear about a girl scout-like so'- mores and campfire song party was quickly put aside. They had seen rough hikes, semi-serious injuries and even interesting survival problems. Evidence in the pictures was the more beat-up and dirty they got the happier they looked.

After the visual presentation they went into another room to listen to some of the records Jules and Lany had gotten addicted to at the camp. Their favorite was by an anemic sounding singer from Minnesota who tried to play a harmonica between verses of various poems he chanted with maudlin subjects.

One thing that added a little taste to the atmosphere was a tray full of wilderness food the girls had prepared. Because the environs of Kankapot were not wild enough to provide the actual ingredients for the camp recipes, substitutions were made resulting in very interestingly tasty "treats". Pierre thought the taste was somewhere between fruit jerky and pemmican his grandmother used to make. When he looked at Vern it was clear by his facial expression that his thoughts were as far as you could get away from enjoyment or satisfaction.

The conclusion of the afternoon was the girls listing the possible new quests they were hoping to embark on as soon as they could get some money. Hiking the Appalachian Trail and rafting on the Colorado seemed like financial impossibilities to Pierre but Vern assented to every one of their suggestions.

After leaving Vern commented that now that the girls were back from the woods their heads should be following them in about a week. Pierre agreed with his observation and thought to himself maybe the next time they got together he hoped he would get a little more personal recognition than a polite audience member.

A few weeks later to his surprise Vern asked Pierre if he wanted to try out for the school play along with Jules and Lany. "Sure, why not." He said wondering how the three of them developed any interest in that kind of activity. Then he thought about what opportunities might happen that would allow him to cultivate a stronger friendship with Gelany. Even the possibility of working on the sets and scenery could be fun. He had been to the movie and there was the book of Through the Looking Glass at home, but he would have to go to the library to get the play to see what he might like to do in the theater production.

When he checked out the script copy at the library the desk assistant asked, "Which part are you going to try out for?"

"I'm not sure yet." He answered.

"You can try for up to three, "she said, "and you're a senior so you'll get priority."

"I didn't know that."

"It's all on the last page of the announcement. You should read it. Even if you don't get a part you can be on the stage crew." She sure knew a lot about it.

Bringing back the script he was again questioned by the same librarian, "What parts did you decide to try for?"

"Maybe the hatter, the Cheshire cat or the white rabbit, Are you trying out too?"

"I hope to get to be a prompter again. I was one last year" she said with a clear receptive smile. He thanked her for the help and walking away remembered her name was Bobbie.

On the day of the try outs all four of the novice actors were amazed at how many people were there to try for the parts. It was quite organized and they all finished their readings and were out on the sidewalk near the kiosk in three hours. They hadn't exchanged more than a dozen words when Lany's sister Elaine pulled up in a car and said, "If you want a ride home get in now or walk." As the girls piled in to the back seat Lany leaned out and said, "Bye Per." Finally he got recognized personally and directly.

This last label reminded him of a Latin conjugate, a kind of locative case putting you in a closer status of friendship. A logical conjecture but in fact not true.

On the way home Vern asked "Are you still hoping to get something going with 'Paula Bunyan'?" His sarcasm although creative was usually baiting an argument. He was expressing his own irritation that he seemed to not be able to go anywhere with Jules without Lany coming too. A mutual friend, Sean, had given Vern a rusty log splitting wedge the last time he was carping about the girl's close friendship

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bits and Bobs

I'm chomping on cajun-seasoned nachos and enjoying the freedom of a secret-agentless blog.

I know you understand. Love the contests, love a break from the contests.

At any rate, I wanted to let you know that:
  • we're going to have a couple of 1000-word critiques tomorrow, and
  • I'll be announcing a Very Fun Christmas Contest with Cool Prize next week!
Also, I'm compiling (and have been for some time) a wonderful collection of "celebrations and good news". So if ANYTHING good has happened to you as a direct result of this blog, please email your happies to me at facelesswords(at)gmail.com.

"Happies" include, but are not limited to:
  • Positive results on your query letter (particularly after reading AGENT: DEMYSTIFIED)
  • Request for material from agent after feedback on the blog
  • Representation from an agent after feedback on the blog
  • Representation from a SECRET AGENT after winning a contest
  • Book deal after feedback on the blog
  • Book deal, period!
  • Any quantifiable improvement in your writing, boost in your morale, infusion of encouragement you've received as a fellow aspiring author. It's ALL GOOD!
And that's that. Back to my nachos (which, admittedly, aren't sitting too well...)