Logline Critique Round Two: Critique Guidelines

Guidelines for Critiquing the loglines:

• If yours is one of the 40 entries posted today, PLEASE LEAVE CRITIQUE FOR A MINIMUM OF 5 OTHER ENTRIES.  
• Please leave your critique for each entry in the comment box for that entry.
• Please choose a screen name to sign your comments. The screen name DOES NOT have to be your real name; however, it needs to be an identifiable name.  ("Anonymous" is not a name.)
• Critiques should be honest but kind, helpful but sensitive.
• Critiques that attack the writer or are couched in unkind words will be deleted.*

*I can't possibly read every comment.  If you ever see a comment that is truly snarky, please email me.  I count on your help.

LOGLINE CRITIQUE ROUND TWO: Call For Submissions

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EDITED TO ADD:

If your logline was included in Round One, DO NOT ENTER IT AGAIN.  A lot of people want a chance to get their loglines critiqued; this round (and the third one) are for NEW ENTRANTS.  If Holly or I recognize your entry, it will be removed.
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To avoid confusion:  These logline critique rounds are NOT a part of the auction.  They are simply an optional opportunity to get some feedback as you craft and fine-tune your logline.  You don't have to participate in the logline critique rounds in order to submit to the actual auction.

A logline should be as brief as possible.  The word count for these rounds will be set at 75, but that's still on the high side.  Think SHORT and GRABBY.

If you're not sure what a logline is, STOP WHERE YOU ARE.  Please go HERE and HERE for information on writing loglines.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES FOR ROUND ONE:

The submission window will be open from 9 am to 5 pm EDT today (Monday, October 6).  This is a lottery, which means the bot will randomly choose 40 entries at the close of the window.  These entries will post on Tuesday, October 7, for critique.

WEB FORM SUBMISSIONS (preferred/easiest method):

GO HERE.  Please remember to proofread before hitting "submit".

EMAIL SUBMISSIONS:

As always, send your submission to authoress.submissions(at)gmail.com.  Format as follows:

SCREEN NAME: (type it here)
TITLE: (type it here)
GENRE: (type it here)

(type your logline here)

If there's ANYTHING you don't understand, please post your question below!

Logline Critique Round Two #40

TITLE: The Meeting Place
GENRE: MG Magical Realism

When eleven-year-old Brooke arrives at Mirror Lake to spend the summer with her grandparents, her only objective is keeping her five-year-old sister from driving her nuts. But after meeting a mysterious girl who claims to be living a century earlier, Brooke realizes she must find a way to change the past – and possibly ensure her own future – before it’s too late.

Logline Critique Round Two #39

TITLE: The Secret at Spindrift
GENRE: Contemporary YA

When thirteen-year-old Ellie McCoy tries to help a teenaged immigrant flee from a human trafficker, the villain kidnaps both girls. Ellie must escape--or disappear. Forever.

Logline Critique Round Two #38

TITLE: Nika of the East
GENRE: Middle Grade

To avoid her future of becoming Wicked, a young witch tries to right wrongs and stop a deadly fire from consuming Oz.

Logline Critique Round Two #37

TITLE: ONE ON ONE
GENRE: YA Contemporary Romance

When sixteen-year-old Gigi Smith’s forced to trade the city for Stetson’s, she’s willing to do anything to get back home, to include finding buried treasure—that is, until she loses a one-on-one game with Army-bound ranch hand Rider James, who can’t seem to tear himself away from home and, now, from the boss’s granddaughter.

Logline Critique Round Two #36

TITLE: Demigod
GENRE: Adult Adventure Fantasy

When the son of an ancient god is born from a headless statue, Cora, a young midwife, flees her village to protect the newborn from a mysterious stranger who seeks to exploit his power. To reach safety, Cora must cross the Feral Wood, a landscape rife with vengeful forest spirits and nightmarish man-eating predators, and decide whom to trust among the many gods whose interests have been sparked by the child’s ancestry. Her choices will affect the balance of power in the region in ways she cannot begin to imagine.

Logline Critique Round Two #35

TITLE: The Seven Faerie Gifts
GENRE: YA Fantasy

A retelling of the fairy tale, Sleeping Beauty—The spoiled Princess Rosamund has squandered the seven faerie gifts she needs to bravely face her curse. Prince Eric grew up hearing stories of a sleeping princess and they meet in their dreams. But what happens when a princess from legend wakes in a world that fears all to do with the old kingdom and Faerie?

Logline Critique Round Two #34

TITLE: STARBREAK
GENRE: science fiction

Trapped in a dead-end job with a husband married to his career, scientist and mother Chrissy King joins the interstellar peace keepers, The Knights of Mourning, to stop a murderer from rampaging on Earth; when the killer starts destroying stars and no one believes there’s a connection between Earth and the killer, Chrissy must stop the murderer before he adds the sun to his collection of celestial corpses.

Logline Critique Round Two #33

TITLE: Wired for Wall Street
GENRE: Women's Fiction

Adelaide Turner’s an electrician from South Philly who scammed her way into a job at Wall Street’s richest bank. When she comes clean, she’s given one shot to prove herself – problem is her client’s dirty and unless she can break into a warehouse in Switzerland and collect evidence to put him behind bars, she’s the one taking the fall – six feet under.

Logline Critique Round Two #32

TITLE: Smoke and Fire
GENRE: Romance

When disheartened Elaine Svoboda loses her job and her boyfriend, she flees for refuge to a small Colorado mountain town, where she dares a raging forest fire to reach the rugged mayor and romance.

Logline Critique Round Two #31

TITLE: Keep Your Eyes On Me
GENRE: Upper YA Contemporary

Desperate to atone for the young life he ended in a car accident, seventeen-year-old Roland stakes out on a bridge infamous for suicide in hopes he can save a life and find some closure. When he meets a troubled and hopeless girl named Cassie, he believes he’s finally found someone to save – and fall in love with. But the secret she keeps about the source of her pain could lead them both back to the bridge – and over the edge.

Logline Critique Round Two #30

TITLE: Thingbreaker
GENRE: Magicpunk

Aisling's search for family reunites her with a long-lost cousin and outs her as Thingbreaker – last of the gods and potential precipitator of the apocalypse. Now the Secret Service wants her to stop a magic-hungry machine, the machine wants her powers, and the gods want to destroy her before she ends the world.

Logline Critique Round Two #29

TITLE: Once Upon a Tiger
GENRE: Middle Grade Adventure

Down in the Exotic Animal Market of Chinatown, the kill buyers are calling for the auction prize, but nobody knows the whereabouts of the rare panther — nobody, that is, except fourteen-year-old Mei Chang … and she isn't telling. Mei, daughter of Chinatown’s deceased cat vet, is determined to save the panther if it’s the last thing she does; and it just might be.

Logline Critique Round Two #28

TITLE: The Shark God's Keeper
GENRE: Mystery/Thriller

With unwanted help from her spirit ancestors, a Hawaiian detective sets out to solve the aquarium murder of a Honolulu socialite and finds herself stalked by a hired killer. To survive and solve the case, she must come to grips with the fact that she is the keeper of an ancient tradition.

Logline Critique Round Two #27

TITLE: Snap
GENRE: YA Romance

Seventeen-year-old Kate Reddy has sacrificed everything from family to a social life to be the reigning U.S. Figure Skating Junior National Champion. But when a hot hockey player named Brice tears up the ice and Kate’s blade gets caught in one of the ruts, an ACL tear ruins her career. Her Olympic dreams may be down the tubes, but can she mend the rift in her family, forgive Brice, and learn that there is more to her identity than just skating?

Logline Critique Round Two #26

TITLE: PAINTING TOTORA
GENRE: YA Fantasy

Painting things into existence might be a dream come true for any gifted artist, but for Leila it means breaking tradition, getting kidnapped from her island home, and taking a steam-powered journey to self-discovery that could destroy both her village and her chance to be with the boy she loves. One choice can terminate the freedom to choose.

Logline Critique Round Two #25

TITLE: ALIEN PREP SCHOOL CONSPIRACY
GENRE: YA science fiction

When 17 year-old arrogant prep school student Marc Andrews is kidnapped by aliens called the Sipala, he learns they’re protecting Earth from him, future president who starts WWIII. Initially grateful his captors prevented him from becoming a monster, then Marc discovers a Sipala faction wants Earth for themselves, they’re planning to start the averted war and only he can save the planet.

Logline Critique Round Two #24

TITLE: The Friday Night Fright Club
GENRE: Upper Middle Grade

The girls of the Friday Night Fright Club want to see a ghost. But the ghost they summon causes more than mischief. He’s willing to murder and, if the girls don’t stop him, they might just end up as ghosts themselves.

Logline Critique Round Two #23

TITLE: The Legend of Falkeld Island
GENRE: YA

To save his dying grandfather, Kade sets out to capture one of the maighdean mhara, a mystical yet deadly Scottish sea maiden, and harvest her three wishes. But when he is caught trespassing on a WWII naval base, he is forced to either aid the Admiral's obsessive quest to find a lost Spanish Armada treasure, or risk his grandfather's life.