Wednesday, November 7, 2018

The Plague of Inadequacy

Victoria Schwab


I've been so absent. But then, I knew this was coming--there is a vastly different feel to writing TOWARD the hope of publication and writing AFTER you've signed a contract--and your editor has set a date. It's odd, really; I'm doing the same thing I've been doing for thirteen years, but the underlying pressure of knowing it's already sold and I-have-to-get-this-right is a reality I'm learning to embrace.

Victoria (V.E.) Schwab recently posted the above quote on Instagram. I read it and it stabbed me deep in my belly, because THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. The encouraging part is that the feeling of inadequacy isn't paralyzing me. I simply keep pressing ahead, writing my 1000 words a day, learning to multitask story restructuring with continued drafting (definitely a new place for me). And I'm learning that pressing through the underlying belief that I don't know what I'm doing and every word on the page is dung is making me stronger and more capable.

Mind you, there are always the unbidden bouts of angst that grab me by the entrails and shake my world for a time. That's when the tears come--those moments where I truly and utterly believe that I CAN'T DO WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING.

Think about that. I'm DOING it, but I don't believe I CAN do it. Even though I've DONE it before.

Are you feeling it? Nodding vehemently, maybe? Fighting your own tears?

What we create is always bigger than we are, because that's what art is, in all its forms. BIGGER than us, to draw us out and encourage our minds and hearts and spirits to expand. It's also bigger than us because it really does take a village to create a book. We all know that writing doesn't take place in a vacuum, and that the input from our beta readers and critique partners and agents and editors is a huge part of each story's development and final state.

Yet the feelings of inadequacy persist. So I fight through them every day, enjoying moments of sparkle and moments of hope along the way (though it's not unusual to have many days in a row without any hope at all). Sometimes I actually say out loud to myself, "Why am I doing this?" or even "I can't do this."

Seriously. That's called SPEAKING LIES TO YOURSELF. And I know better.

Anyway. As soon as I read Victoria's words this morning, I knew I had to share them. My brain screamed THIS THIS THIS THIS until I saved the file and opened Blogger. Because always, always, always, there is someone who desperately needs not to feel alone. Someone who feels so inadequate in the moment that quitting feels easier.

Don't do it. Don't quit.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm heading back to Scrivener and my hot mess of a story (that, deep-down inside, I'm excited about, despite the first draft slog and the constant I-can't-do-this), and I'm going to SLAY the sense of inadequacy today.

And so are you.

23 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. ◾PROTOCOL SHIELDERS◾
      HELLO, 
      I am COREY RODRIGUEZ by name,the only CEO of protocol-cyber-shield-hackers.  In this message, we will explain how you can almost avoid SCAMMERS and stay safe,  plus how our organization  works.
       Read it carefully!! Its reading will not take more than 10mins. 
      We kindly URGE you to not respond without have read the entire text. Those who mail without have read everything, ask questions that are answered here!! 
      ⚠️WARNING:
      MOST HACKERS YOU SEE HERE ARE FAKESAND SIMULTANEOUSLY INCONGRUOUS !!. It tears US up as we have received bitter emails of Jobs attempts proposals from most clients with hacking issues but never get it done and lost a lot in the process, EXAMPLES OF LOSSES ARE: ➡️BINARY FUNDS,➡️INVESTMENTS,➡️LARGE SCALE FUNDS,➡️PROPERTIES,➡️STONES(JEWELRIES) etc....
      all scammed by uncertified and fake hackers(impersonation) like most you see here, which is disappointingly inadequate, leaving their mess for us to deal with eventually (WE DON'T MEAN TO BRAG ABOUT THAT). 

      SCAMMERS DONT PITTY YOU AND BY THE TIME YOU KNOW IT,YOU'VE GONE TOO DEEP BEING RIPPED OFF THROUGH DIVERSE TRICKY MEANS,PLEASE BE WISE ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ARTICLE AS YOU READ THROUGH IT.HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?? 
      You won't know until you fall a Victim but can be attentive to potential danger, error or harm if you take note of these:
      1, you see uncertified email accounts carrying numberings like"iamhacklord1232@(gmail,yahoo or hotmailDOTcom"  pls flee from them, BIG SCAMMERS.They take your money and never do your job!! 
      2, you see posts like "do you need to spy on spouse?" All fake!just a way to lure you toward getting ripped OFF!. 
      3, posting fake testimonies and comments to trick you into feeling save and  secured. Pls endeavour to ignore!! 
      ➡️NOTE: beware as we urge you not to make respond to any "IVAN HONG,PETER SANTOS,MONICA HART...(impersonating with our post pretending to work for us)WE ONLY HAVE 2 EMAILS WHICH ARE LISTED BELOW THIS ARTICLE TO ATTEND TO ALL MANNERS OF CYBER HACKING ISSUES.
                             ◾VERY IMPORTANT ◾
      For years now, We've helped  organizations  secure data base,  so many sites USE US AS SECURITY BACK UP TEAM BECAUSE OF OUR METHODS OF  HANDLING CYBER MISHAPS.   "CLEAR CRIMINAL RECORDS"   "iPhone/ANDROID HACKS"   "FUNDS RECOVERIES" AND LOT MORE BEEN DONE IN SHORT TIMING!
      these are significant EXPERIENCES & RECORDS a good and effectively fully recognized organization must firmly ascertain. 
                              ◾OUR  "AIMS" HERE ◾
      Are:1◾to assign a qualified agent of specific rank to particularly any sort of cyber issues you intend dealing with in short and accurate timing.
      2◾ to screen in real hackers (gurus only) in need of job with or without a degree, to speed up the  availability of time given for Job contracts given to us.!! 
      Thus an online binary decoding exam will be set for those who seeks employment under the teams Establishment. write us on:
      ◾ProtocolhacksATgmaildotcom 
      ◾CybershieldnotchATgmaildotcom
      ◾binaryoptionretrievalATgmaildotcom

      COREY ROD, SIGNED...
      Thank you

      Delete
    2. ◾PROTOCOL SHIELDERS◾
      HELLO, 
      I am COREY RODRIGUEZ by name,the only CEO of protocol-cyber-shield-hackers.  In this message, we will explain how you can almost avoid SCAMMERS and stay safe,  plus how our organization  works.
       Read it carefully!! Its reading will not take more than 10mins. 
      We kindly URGE you to not respond without have read the entire text. Those who mail without have read everything, ask questions that are answered here!! 
      ⚠️WARNING:
      MOST HACKERS YOU SEE HERE ARE FAKESAND SIMULTANEOUSLY INCONGRUOUS !!. It tears US up as we have received bitter emails of Jobs attempts proposals from most clients with hacking issues but never get it done and lost a lot in the process, EXAMPLES OF LOSSES ARE: ➡️BINARY FUNDS,➡️INVESTMENTS,➡️LARGE SCALE FUNDS,➡️PROPERTIES,➡️STONES(JEWELRIES) etc....
      all scammed by uncertified and fake hackers(impersonation) like most you see here, which is disappointingly inadequate, leaving their mess for us to deal with eventually (WE DON'T MEAN TO BRAG ABOUT THAT). 

      SCAMMERS DONT PITTY YOU AND BY THE TIME YOU KNOW IT,YOU'VE GONE TOO DEEP BEING RIPPED OFF THROUGH DIVERSE TRICKY MEANS,PLEASE BE WISE ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ARTICLE AS YOU READ THROUGH IT.HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?? 
      You won't know until you fall a Victim but can be attentive to potential danger, error or harm if you take note of these:
      1, you see uncertified email accounts carrying numberings like"iamhacklord1232@(gmail,yahoo or hotmailDOTcom"  pls flee from them, BIG SCAMMERS.They take your money and never do your job!! 
      2, you see posts like "do you need to spy on spouse?" All fake!just a way to lure you toward getting ripped OFF!. 
      3, posting fake testimonies and comments to trick you into feeling save and  secured. Pls endeavour to ignore!! 
      ➡️NOTE: beware as we urge you not to make respond to any "IVAN HONG,PETER SANTOS,MONICA HART...(impersonating with our post pretending to work for us)WE ONLY HAVE 2 EMAILS WHICH ARE LISTED BELOW THIS ARTICLE TO ATTEND TO ALL MANNERS OF CYBER HACKING ISSUES.
                             ◾VERY IMPORTANT ◾
      For years now, We've helped  organizations  secure data base,  so many sites USE US AS SECURITY BACK UP TEAM BECAUSE OF OUR METHODS OF  HANDLING CYBER MISHAPS.   "CLEAR CRIMINAL RECORDS"   "iPhone/ANDROID HACKS"   "FUNDS RECOVERIES" AND LOT MORE BEEN DONE IN SHORT TIMING!
      these are significant EXPERIENCES & RECORDS a good and effectively fully recognized organization must firmly ascertain. 
                              ◾OUR  "AIMS" HERE ◾
      Are:1◾to assign a qualified agent of specific rank to particularly any sort of cyber issues you intend dealing with in short and accurate timing.
      2◾ to screen in real hackers (gurus only) in need of job with or without a degree, to speed up the  availability of time given for Job contracts given to us.!! 
      Thus an online binary decoding exam will be set for those who seeks employment under the teams Establishment. write us on:
      ◾ProtocolhacksATgmaildotcom 
      ◾CybershieldnotchATgmaildotcom
      ◾binaryoptionretrievalATgmaildotcom

      COREY ROD, SIGNED...
      Thank you

      Delete
  2. I am completely gobsmacked at the pertinent arival of this email. It mirrors absolutely the way I've been feeling all day as I wrestle with a recalcitrant story that will simply not go my way! It's exactly what I needed to hear - not a word of a lie. Somebody round here is a mind reader, is all I can say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love, love, love that this happened. Usually, when something niggles at me to be written, this is why. Take heart, fellow writer!!

      Delete
  3. You go! I totally get how the pressure is different, though I haven't sold a book. (It's the same with artwork.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe you! It's the same principle, for sure. And you can feel inadequate regardless of whether or not whatever it is you're creating has sold. Funny how this can be so soul-crushing, but we keep loving and doing it! :)

      Delete
    2. ◾PROTOCOL SHIELDERS◾
      HELLO, 
      I am COREY RODRIGUEZ by name,the only CEO of protocol-cyber-shield-hackers.  In this message, we will explain how you can almost avoid SCAMMERS and stay safe,  plus how our organization  works.
       Read it carefully!! Its reading will not take more than 10mins. 
      We kindly URGE you to not respond without have read the entire text. Those who mail without have read everything, ask questions that are answered here!! 
      ⚠️WARNING:
      MOST HACKERS YOU SEE HERE ARE FAKESAND SIMULTANEOUSLY INCONGRUOUS !!. It tears US up as we have received bitter emails of Jobs attempts proposals from most clients with hacking issues but never get it done and lost a lot in the process, EXAMPLES OF LOSSES ARE: ➡️BINARY FUNDS,➡️INVESTMENTS,➡️LARGE SCALE FUNDS,➡️PROPERTIES,➡️STONES(JEWELRIES) etc....
      all scammed by uncertified and fake hackers(impersonation) like most you see here, which is disappointingly inadequate, leaving their mess for us to deal with eventually (WE DON'T MEAN TO BRAG ABOUT THAT). 

      SCAMMERS DONT PITTY YOU AND BY THE TIME YOU KNOW IT,YOU'VE GONE TOO DEEP BEING RIPPED OFF THROUGH DIVERSE TRICKY MEANS,PLEASE BE WISE ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ARTICLE AS YOU READ THROUGH IT.HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?? 
      You won't know until you fall a Victim but can be attentive to potential danger, error or harm if you take note of these:
      1, you see uncertified email accounts carrying numberings like"iamhacklord1232@(gmail,yahoo or hotmailDOTcom"  pls flee from them, BIG SCAMMERS.They take your money and never do your job!! 
      2, you see posts like "do you need to spy on spouse?" All fake!just a way to lure you toward getting ripped OFF!. 
      3, posting fake testimonies and comments to trick you into feeling save and  secured. Pls endeavour to ignore!! 
      ➡️NOTE: beware as we urge you not to make respond to any "IVAN HONG,PETER SANTOS,MONICA HART...(impersonating with our post pretending to work for us)WE ONLY HAVE 2 EMAILS WHICH ARE LISTED BELOW THIS ARTICLE TO ATTEND TO ALL MANNERS OF CYBER HACKING ISSUES.
                             ◾VERY IMPORTANT ◾
      For years now, We've helped  organizations  secure data base,  so many sites USE US AS SECURITY BACK UP TEAM BECAUSE OF OUR METHODS OF  HANDLING CYBER MISHAPS.   "CLEAR CRIMINAL RECORDS"   "iPhone/ANDROID HACKS"   "FUNDS RECOVERIES" AND LOT MORE BEEN DONE IN SHORT TIMING!
      these are significant EXPERIENCES & RECORDS a good and effectively fully recognized organization must firmly ascertain. 
                              ◾OUR  "AIMS" HERE ◾
      Are:1◾to assign a qualified agent of specific rank to particularly any sort of cyber issues you intend dealing with in short and accurate timing.
      2◾ to screen in real hackers (gurus only) in need of job with or without a degree, to speed up the  availability of time given for Job contracts given to us.!! 
      Thus an online binary decoding exam will be set for those who seeks employment under the teams Establishment. write us on:
      ◾ProtocolhacksATgmaildotcom 
      ◾CybershieldnotchATgmaildotcom
      ◾binaryoptionretrievalATgmaildotcom

      COREY ROD, SIGNED...
      Thank you

      Delete
  4. PERFECT TIMING. I am one of more than 200 authors speaking at the Louisiana Book Festival this weekend, yet I have those all-too-familiar "They'll find out I'm a fake" feelings...even though I have three published books.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohhhh, big hugs to you! I HATE those "they'll find out I'm a fake" feelings---where do they come from, anyway?

      You've got this!

      Delete
  5. Yes! I feel the same way, and my attempt to use NaNo to try and get the draft for my contracted book 2 done (and that's just the draft) after half a dozen false starts... Yes, that quote is sooo appropo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds like a great plan, though! There's something so intimidating about this contracted book 2 stuff. But we've got this!

      Delete
  6. My brain had the same reaction to the quote. Instant truth. It's always so important to remember that no matter how successful a writer is, they still have times they feel inadequate, like frauds. We all have that insecurity and need to hang on to that hope and joy. I've been struggling in my to get consistency in my own writing, so this was great timing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always glad to know that something I've written timed well for someone! :) Yes, that "I'm a fraud" is so prevalent...it's crazy. If nobody actually knew what they were doing, there wouldn't be any books!

      Delete
  7. How well are you prepared for a cyber incident or breach? Is your data safe?.
    Strengthen your cybersecurity stance by contacting CLASSIC CYBER NOTCH @ GMAIL DOT COM for a Perfect, Unique, Classic and Professional Job in securing your Network against Breaches of All Sort and also we do virtually All kind of Cyber Jobs, be it Cyber Security or Hijacking without trace and with utmost Professionalism and Confidentiality.

    We offer services such as :
    Private investigators service
    Phone /Computer hack
    Clearing criminal record
    Binary options recovery
    Bit coin mining
    Increase Credit score
    Issue Blank ATM
    Spyware installation
    Social media platform hack
    E-mail hack
    and many more....
    Our Success Rate is Top Notch

    Contact us today @
    Classic cyber notch @ gmail dot com
    to get the Best professional hands involved in putting a smile on your face.

    Signed
    Collins .A

    ReplyDelete
  8. INSTEAD OF GETTING A LOAN,, I GOT SOMETHING NEW
    Get $5,500 USD every day, for six months!

    See how it works
    Do you know you can hack into any ATM machine with a hacked ATM card??
    Make up you mind before applying, straight deal...

    Order for a blank ATM card now and get millions within a week!: contact us
    via email address::{Automatictellers@gmail.com}

    We have specially programmed ATM cards that can be use to hack ATM
    machines, the ATM cards can be used to withdraw at the ATM or swipe, at
    stores and POS. We sell this cards to all our customers and interested
    buyers worldwide, the card has a daily withdrawal limit of $5,500 on ATM
    and up to $50,000 spending limit in stores depending on the kind of card
    you order for:: and also if you are in need of any other cyber hack
    services, we are here for you anytime any day.

    Here is our price lists for the ATM CARDS:

    Cards that withdraw $5,500 per day costs $200 USD
    Cards that withdraw $10,000 per day costs $850 USD
    Cards that withdraw $35,000 per day costs $2,200 USD
    Cards that withdraw $50,000 per day costs $5,500 USD
    Cards that withdraw $100,000 per day costs $8,500 USD

    make up your mind before applying, straight deal!!!

    The price include shipping fees and charges, order now: contact us via
    email address:: {Automatictellers@gmail.com}

    Visit our Website for more Info: automatictellers.wordpress.com
    ®

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello all
    am looking few years that some guys comes into the market
    they called themselves hacker, carder or spammer they rip the
    peoples with different ways and it’s a badly impact to real hacker
    now situation is that peoples doesn’t believe that real hackers and carder scammer exists.
    Anyone want to make deal with me any type am available but first
    I‘ll show the proof that am real then make a deal like

    Available Services

    ..Wire Bank Transfer all over the world

    ..Western Union Transfer all over the world

    ..Credit Cards (USA, UK, AUS, CAN, NZ)

    ..School Grade upgrade / remove Records

    ..Spamming Tool

    ..keyloggers / rats

    ..Social Media recovery

    .. Teaching Hacking / spamming / carding (1/2 hours course)

    discount for re-seller

    Contact: 24/7

    fixitrogers@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. INSTEAD OF GETTING A LOAN,, I GOT SOMETHING NEW Get $5,500 USD every day, for six months! See how it works Do you know you can hack into any ATM machine with a hacked ATM card?? Make up you mind before applying, straight deal... Order for a blank ATM card now and get millions within a week!: contact us via email address::{nashwilliams4@gmail.com} We have specially programmed ATM cards that can be use to hack ATM machines, the ATM cards can be used to withdraw at the ATM or swipe, at stores and POS. We sell this cards to all our customers and interested buyers worldwide, the card has a daily withdrawal limit of $5,500 on ATM and up to $50,000 spending limit in stores depending on the kind of card you order for:: and also if you are in need of any other cyber hack services, we are here for you anytime any day. Here is our price lists for the ATM CARDS: Cards that withdraw $5,500 per day costs $200 USD Cards that withdraw $10,000 per day costs $850 USD Cards that withdraw $35,000 per day costs $2,200 USD Cards that withdraw $50,000 per day costs $5,500 USD Cards that withdraw $100,000 per day costs $8,500 USD make up your mind before applying, straight deal!!! The price include shipping fees and charges, order now: contact us via email address:: {nashwilliams4@gmail.com}

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi my name is ((Mills Dachin)) your reliable Hacker, checkout the list if what you want isnt their don't worry just tell us it shall be done.

    *Facebook Hacking Tricks
    * Database Hacking
    * G-mail/AOL/Yahoomail/ Inbox Hacks
    *Control Device Remotely Hack
    *University Grade Upgraded
    *Wiping of Credit Cards/ Increase Credit Cards Hacks
    *Western Union & Money Gram Hacks
    *Loan Transfer
    *Flipping mining
    *Hacking Card (ATM)
    *Recover your lost Btcoin password etc.

    All you need do just Email:- pointekhack@gmail.com and your job is done with %100✓ guarantee

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi my name is ((Mills Dachin)) your reliable Hacker, checkout the list if what you want isnt their don't worry just tell us it shall be done.

    *Facebook Hacking Tricks
    * Database Hacking
    * G-mail/AOL/Yahoomail/ Inbox Hacks
    *Control Device Remotely Hack
    *University Grade Upgraded
    *Wiping of Credit Cards/ Increase Credit Cards Hacks
    *Western Union & Money Gram Hacks
    *Loan Transfer
    *Flipping mining
    *Hacking Card (ATM)
    *Recover your lost Btcoin password etc.

    All you need do just Email:- pointekhack@gmail.com and your job is done with %100✓ guarantee

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi,

    We are one of the leading Software Engineer & Development company with the focus on Website Design & development, Mobile Application Development & Digital Marketing Services etc.

    Our range of services includes:

    Web Designing (PHP, CMS, FrameWork, Angular)

    Mobile Application Design & Development (Android, iOS)

    Digital Marketing Services (SEO, SMO, PPC, FaceBook Advertisement)

    Our Starting Price for Website Development:

    $459 for a 7 pages website
    $659 for a 12 pages website
    $999 for e-commerce websit

    HACKING SERVICES
    *Facebook Hacking Tricks
    * Database Hacking
    * G-mail/AOL/Yahoomail/ Inbox Hacks
    *Control Device Remotely Hack
    *University Grade Upgraded
    *Wiping of Credit Cards/ Increase Credit Cards Hacks
    *Western Union & Money Gram Hacks
    *Loan Transfer
    *Flipping mining
    *Hacking Card (ATM)
    *Recover your lost Btcoin password & regardless of any.

    E-mail:- phdatabasesolution@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. He is no scam,I tested him and he delivered a good job,he helped me settle bank loans,he also helped my son upgrade his scores at high school final year which made him graduate successfully and he gave my son free scholarship into the college,all I had to do was to settle the bills for the tools on the job,I used $500 to get a job of $50000 done all thanks to brillianthackers800@gmail.com,he saved me from all my troubles,sharing this is how I can show gratitude in return for all he has done for me and my family.

    ReplyDelete
  15. My ex ruined my credit due to his incessant extravagant spending spree, I found myself in a big mess. I talked to a credit repair company and I was told that it would take me non less than a year to fix my credit. I was devastated, that's a very long time which I can't cope with. I looked online and came across Credit Doctor's contact, hit him up and to my greatest surprise, my credit was repaired in 4 working days from 486 -810. I was so amazed and it didn't cost me too much really. I implore you to contact him on for all credit issues and hacking issues. No doubt that he's the best out there and your problems will be solved!
    HACKINTECHNOLOGY@GMAIL.COM
    +16692252253

    ReplyDelete