Thursday, June 28, 2012

Baby Slushpile #12

TITLE: MOONDREAMER: The Sowing
GENRE: Upper Young Adult Urban Fantasy

Plans to attend a killer concert are derailed when Syxx learns that the Fae Council has manipulated her into coming to the city to participate in a breeding ceremony called The Sowing. There aren't enough o's in 'hell no!'

But Syxx is not alone. The Fae Council has glamoured hundreds of reluctant Fae into coming to the city to participate in The Sowing. Syxx discovers she’s a Moondreamer: A rare type of Fae that can make wishes come true, and will things into being.

As a Moondreamer, Syxx may have the power to overthrow the corrupt Fae Council, and end their horrifying glamour. With her new friends - a sexy half-incubus and a sweet leprechaun pushing her forward - she reluctantly steps into the role of revolutionary.

Beating the eight Fae council members is the least of her worries. If she's discovered, she risks death. If she fails, she'll become a forced participant in the breeding ceremony.

MOONDREAMER: THE SOWING, an upper young adult urban fantasy with a romantic twist is complete at 62,000 words.

30 comments:

  1. No. breeding ceremonies in YA? Gatekeepers would be horrified and a lot of the kids reading it would be disappointed if it didn't happen.

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  2. No. It just didn't grab me, and I was worried that the plot might be reminiscent of the Hunger Games.

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  3. No for reasons of personal taste. It seems like it could be a good story, but the breeding ceremony premise squicked me out.

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  4. It's a no for me, sorry. There wasn't quite enough worldbuilding and voice to grab me.

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  5. Yes, right up until you hit the 'sexy half-incubus'. No.

    Your first paragraph made me grin though.

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  6. No. I love the voice in this, but the premise - breeding ceremony - doesn't appeal to me and the first two paragraphs seem a little repetitive.

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  7. Yes. But the query needs polish. Especially the second paragraph. You might also want to up the word count a tad.

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  8. No. I was almost following along, until you mentioned the horrifying glamour and then I was lost.

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  9. No. I liked parts of this a lot, but I'm kind of confused by the stakes.

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  10. Yes, I think the premise is quite unique. And I also really like your voice in this query.

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  11. Yes, but I'd watch voice: snarky YA with some pretty serious stakes = discordant.

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  12. No - I don't have any sense of Syxx as a character.

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  13. Yes, but only if the included pages were good enough. The query is a little sparse, but it's an interesting concept. For me, it would all come down to Syxx - if she isn't believable with an awesome voice to match, this would be a hard one to read.

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  14. Yes. It needs some polishing, but I like the idea and plot. It better have some killer first pages, though.

    And you may want to think about category. Yes, upper YA can have some disturbing stuff-- Neil Shusterman's UNWIND, first-person accounts of drug abuse and prostitution-- but it's still either on the line or close to it. Making it adult may help.

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  15. Yes, I'd read pages. I like the premise. I'd be reading to find enough uniqueness in Syxx to carry off the story without it becoming too stereotypical, if that makes sense. Also, I will admit that the term "breeding ceremony" does make me a little cautious. I'm not opposed to any elements of sex at all, but if the theme of sexual repression and/or abuse became overpowering for me, I'd stop reading and it would be a no. I actually like the use of sarcastic humor in reference to the Sowing in the opening. If Syxx's voice is strong enough to keep it balanced that way, I'd probably really like this.

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  16. Yes. Love the first paragraph. I think the breeding ceremony is fine. It makes for good stakes, and it's something she's trying to stop.

    The tone in the third paragraph didn't really match the rest of the query. It felt more high adventure/band of merry misfits, while the rest is high stakes with a character who's a bit snarky.

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  17. No.

    This isn't too bad but the main character is way too passive. She needs to choose to enter and fight for her goal, not fall upon it by accident or kick her heels the whole way there. If she doesn't want to win, we don't want to win.

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  18. Yes. What Suejay said (thanks, SJ!)

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  19. No. Just didn't stand out enough from the pile.

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  20. I would consider yes f this were adult, but not YA, because of the whole breeding ceremony premise.

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  21. No. Confusing. Paragraph-1 says she is participating in a breeding ceremony and paragraph-4 says "If she fails, she'll become a forced participant in the breeding ceremony." Also, I think describing the half-incubus as "sexy" in the query is unnecessary.

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  22. No. Didn't interest me and although it's 'upper YA' i'm not sure of the content.

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  23. No. There's nothing in this that grabs me at all.

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  24. No.

    The hows and whys of her becoming a revolutionary are too vague. And if her power is to will things into being, then how could she possibly lose? What, specifically, threatens her success?

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  25. Yes. Interesting premise even if I'm kind of leery on the idea of a breeding ceremony.

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  26. Yes, since I like the voice, and while the concept is bordering on the squick line, I'd give it a chance. I'd hope Styxx is more active and a lot would depend on the execution in the story, but I'm intrigued.

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  27. No. I don't feel like Syxx has any personal stakes in this, and so I'm having trouble caring what she chooses.

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  28. No - I understand what's at stake, but I don't know why I should care care about your protagonist.

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  29. Unfortunately, I pass on all things fae/fairy related. But I didn't have a problem with the breeding ceremony premise.

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