Hook! Out of my normal genre range, but I'm a compulsive reader. As I scanned the page for the next fantasy, this one caught my eye and had me tickled and grinning so much I had to stop and comment.
I think the voice is strong but the opener feels like you're treading on cliche. Still, I'd keep reading. This just 25 words, I'm sure you'd suck me in.
Strong voice and I'd keep reading. Not sure you need the last sentence. It's implied in the life-threatening disease that school was really, really tough. Think it's a great opening for your target audience.
I was hooked, but I suspect this is the kind of opening that's used a lot. But hey, if it keeps getting used it must work, right? (Though clearly not on all MGers, as per Robbin's comment.)
Hook! Out of my normal genre range, but I'm a compulsive reader. As I scanned the page for the next fantasy, this one caught my eye and had me tickled and grinning so much I had to stop and comment.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Love the voice, and funny too!
ReplyDeleteThis made me smile. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I love it! :-)
ReplyDeletePartial hook -- 'the life-threatening disease' seems a bit out of voice for a 12-year-old, IMO.
ReplyDeleteHooked, but the voice sounds YA as opposed to MG. BoA nailed it again.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Love the voice, love that it gets right to the nasty reality of middle school for so many folks.
ReplyDeleteHo-hum. Not very interested to read on. A MC who thinks their problems are worse than a life-threatrening disease is a bit drama queeny for me.
ReplyDeleteSome 6th graders are drama queeny. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot sure about the life-threatening disease--does make her (?) seem shallow--but definitely we get a sense of voice and direction. So mostly hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot a fan of the life-threatening disease line. It is melodramatic like a 6th grader would be, but it doesn't play right. I'm not hooked.
ReplyDeleteI think the voice is strong but the opener feels like you're treading on cliche. Still, I'd keep reading. This just 25 words, I'm sure you'd suck me in.
ReplyDeleteStrong voice and I'd keep reading. Not sure you need the last sentence. It's implied in the life-threatening disease that school was really, really tough. Think it's a great opening for your target audience.
ReplyDeleteHehe. Mostly hooked.
ReplyDeleteLOL. I like it; hooked.
ReplyDeletehaha! I like it too. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteI liked it, but maybe a specific (and very unlikely disease) would make this even stronger.
ReplyDeleteSorry but my middle grader rolled her eyes and said it was lame.
ReplyDeleteI was hooked, but I suspect this is the kind of opening that's used a lot. But hey, if it keeps getting used it must work, right? (Though clearly not on all MGers, as per Robbin's comment.)
ReplyDelete