Sorry, not hooked. THis seems very generic so far. Perhaps start us in the action on June 1? I also feel removed from Patrick because not only is this third person, but we're not really seeing him do anything.
I have to agree with Laura. This sort of "little did he know . . ." type of opening feels a little cliche to me. Why not give us a hint of what's to come?
I thought the beginning was good, grounding the young reader in something familiar. I was hooked to read more. But not from June 1st. I understand this is when the story takes off but knowing the date didn't compel me. If the date is critical to the plot, then I'll shut up.
It's so hard with just 25 words, but I'd keep reading. I'd possibly get rid of 'but' and make the last phrase a complete sentence of it's own. Think it would add to the tension.
I'd read on a little further to see if we go right to why it's the last normal day, or if we have to follow him around doing normal things for a while before we get to it.
I'd keep reading -- I'm a big fan of these stage-setter openings.
ReplyDeleteHOOKED!!!!! I'd definitely be reading this!! ㋡
ReplyDeleteYep! I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteSorry, not hooked. THis seems very generic so far. Perhaps start us in the action on June 1? I also feel removed from Patrick because not only is this third person, but we're not really seeing him do anything.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Laura. This sort of "little did he know . . ." type of opening feels a little cliche to me. Why not give us a hint of what's to come?
ReplyDeleteI'm not hooked for the same reason, but I'd read the whole first paragraph before putting the book down.
ReplyDeleteThe other reason I wasn't hooked -- opening gives little sense of who the character is. Just that his life changes.
I agree. Feels generic. Not saying it can't work, but going by this alone... not hooked.
ReplyDeleteI thought the beginning was good, grounding the young reader in something familiar. I was hooked to read more. But not from June 1st. I understand this is when the story takes off but knowing the date didn't compel me. If the date is critical to the plot, then I'll shut up.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard with just 25 words, but I'd keep reading. I'd possibly get rid of 'but' and make the last phrase a complete sentence of it's own. Think it would add to the tension.
ReplyDeleteSorta hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked. Interested, and would keep going, but not completely hooked.
ReplyDeleteSemi-hooked.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on a little further to see if we go right to why it's the last normal day, or if we have to follow him around doing normal things for a while before we get to it.
Sorta hooked---it's hard to do in two sentences though.
ReplyDeletePretty hooked
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked, but I would have liked "June 1st was the last normal day of Patrick Stockwell's life" better.
ReplyDeleteI liked it.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry.
ReplyDelete