Maryann’s normal life ended on an October weekend, but it wasn’t until December that she couldn’t ignore her pee any longer. It smelled…well, it just smelled weird.
Ewwww...I am grossed out in an asparagus pee fashion, yet there is a small voice in my head wondering why her pee smelled, and, dare I say, what it smelled like. Is that wrong?
Anonymous author, I have to tell you, I have been thinking about your unusual pee opening all day. I read it to my writing partner, who laughed and loved it also. It's just like life - for something major to happen, and for a person to only realize it later... when their pee is weird :)
Keep your unusual opening, please. It's the one out of the hundred that I remembered and thought about all day. And "Everybody Poops" is one of the best selling children's books of all time! XO
Not hooked. I have a feeling it's about her dealing with a disease, so I might read further.
ReplyDeleteEwwww...I am grossed out in an asparagus pee fashion, yet there is a small voice in my head wondering why her pee smelled, and, dare I say, what it smelled like. Is that wrong?
ReplyDeleteNot hooked - a bit too weird for me.
ReplyDeleteRepelled. You're taking the piss, right?
ReplyDeleteIck. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteA bit weird and off-putting, but I'd be interested to see where this is going.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments...the whole pee thing was a bit jarring.
ReplyDeleteSmelly pee has me making this face: :/
ReplyDeleteWish I was hooked, because I liked it up until that point.
TMI, not hooked at all
ReplyDeletePass!
ReplyDeleteUm. Pee? I'm probably more okay with mentioning bodily fluids than most people, but this is weird. I'm not sure I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked because of the whole pee thing. I'd need to know more about the character first.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. I usually have a pretty high tolerance/squick factor, but this turned me off.
ReplyDeleteI am in the clear minority here - I loved this. It's unusual. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. We all pee, so why exactly is this gross? I'd definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous author, I have to tell you, I have been thinking about your unusual pee opening all day. I read it to my writing partner, who laughed and loved it also. It's just like life - for something major to happen, and for a person to only realize it later... when their pee is weird :)
ReplyDeleteKeep your unusual opening, please. It's the one out of the hundred that I remembered and thought about all day. And "Everybody Poops" is one of the best selling children's books of all time! XO
Weird... the content didn't put me off, but I'm not sure it's what I'd want right up front. Not really hooked.
ReplyDeleteI didn't mind the pee reference at all- and people SHOULD pay attention to theirs. Not too long ago it was just about all doctors had to go on.
ReplyDeleteBut enough of that. I liked this and would read on. Clearly foreshadowing some disease.
Well... The first bit got me but I think the pee was a bit TOO shocking for a first line.
ReplyDelete