Wednesday, February 2, 2011

First Kiss #19

TITLE: A Mad, Wicked Folly
GENRE: YA Historical

1909, Edwardian England. 17-year-old Victoria Darling wants to tell her art model, William Fletcher, that she's fallen in love with him but she can't find the words so she says it with a kiss.

"I wish to tell you something, Will."

He stopped lacing his boots. "Go on then."

"I want to say..." My voice came out high and squeaky.

"Vicky, you all right? You're flushed---"

I waved my hands at him. "Just shush and let me say this. I....I...." Oh, to hell with it! I plopped down on the bench beside him, put my hands behind his neck and kissed him.

Will made a garbled noise and pulled away. "Vicky, what the devil are you doing?"

"Kissing you." I felt uncertain. "Isn't it obvious?"

He looked at me for a long moment. "Well, do it again so I can be sure."

And so I did.

He didn't pull away this time. Instead he cupped my face gently in his hands and his lips opened with mine. His mouth tasted sweet, like the red wine we had shared earlier.


  1. I just wonder about her saying 'To hell with it'..sounded a little unlikely for an Edwardian girl.

  2. I'm of the opinion that Edwardian/Victorian ladies weren't the naive innocent little misses we like to think they were and swore from time to time. Including probably spouting the word "hell".

    That said, and someone can correct me if I'm wrong, the phrasing of "to hell with it," might be more modern.

    She might have been more likely to say, "Dash it all."

  3. Agree with previous comments, 'to hell with it' doesn't resonate.

    I'd also suggest Will's response being 'what the devil are you about?'

    Like the kiss.

  4. I'm wondering about their age, being unchaperoned, drinking wine, kissing on benches...
    I like the mix of her uncertainty and her boldness.

  5. Great comments, guys. Yep, they should be chaperoned but this is one of those forbidden relationships. Vicky is an artist and breaking away from society's norms. It's the theme of the story.

    To hell with it, is a very old-fashioned saying (she does also say dash it all but I took it out to make the word count!) : )

  6. LOL, I like him asking for her to do it again.

    I agree with the conversation above. I had to remind myself that for this time period 17 is different than the way we view today's 17. But that was me, not the writing.

    Nice job!

    LOL, my word captcha starts with "dash"

  7. I loved this! I found it very swoon worthy when he says "Well, do it again so I can be sure."

  8. Loved his response.
    I would change 'like the red wine we had shared earlier.' to 'like the red wine we shared earlier.' Just remove the 'had' to tighten it up.

  9. Yeah, her voice sounds modern to me as well.

    I liked the kiss, especially his response.

  10. I liked it the way it is. (Except for her voice coming out high and squeaky. The rest of the writing says you can come up with something less cliche.) I know why she kissed him. I know she liked it. I know he liked it. I know a bit about her and him because of where they are and can surmise it's not a typical relationship. Nicely done!

  11. I loved his response. So, so much. I agree that she seems slightly modern but you've explained that away so I'll just say, I loved it :)

  12. Love this!!!!! His response is perfect.

  13. I agree with a few things.

    She does have a more modern voice. I also thought it was a bit risque for the time period.

    And I did like his response.

  14. I love the humor in this. Nice job.

  15. I’m a fan of historical and I like this. Parts sounded a bit modern, but overall, very well done.