Of course I'd read the next sentence to find out what's pricey - I'm nosy that way. And I'd hold judgment until I read a bit more. But that first sentence is not really a grabber.
This one is either yes or not. It doesn't stand along...but it wouldn't have to. I think anyone would at least read on to see what's too pricey, and who's saying it...so in that sense, this works. It all depends on the next few sentences.
Sorry, I'd pass. I don't like not being told what is being spoken about in the dialogue at the start of a book. The dialogue doesn't reveal anything other than the fact that someone thinks something is pricey. And without a dialogue tag too boot, so I don't know who's speaking.
I can see "That's a little pricey, isn't it?" said Druzella, eyeing the shrunken head.
I'm afraid not. Too little, too early. I'm not curious about what's pricey. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteAmethyst
Based on the sentence - no.
ReplyDeleteBased on the title - maybe.
Be very, very careful starting with dialogue. If you read Nathan Bransford's blog, he has an entire post on this I think. It rarely works.
ReplyDeleteBased on the title, it's not contemporary fiction, it's mystery - and it sounds like romance/mystery or maybe a tinge of chick lit.
Know your genre and audience.
The title sounds interesting, but the sentence doesn't jump out to me.
ReplyDeleteNo, it doesn't grab me.
ReplyDeleteOf course I'd read the next sentence to find out what's pricey - I'm nosy that way. And I'd hold judgment until I read a bit more. But that first sentence is not really a grabber.
ReplyDeleteAgree with c.e. lawson.
ReplyDeleteSorry, no.
ReplyDeleteditto to c.e. lawson
ReplyDeletenope. not hooked. especially not after looking at the title.
ReplyDeleteStarting with dialogue can be problematic because the first thing the reader asks is "Who's talking?"
Thanks everybody for your comments!
ReplyDeleteThis left me wanting something more, like the title though...
ReplyDeleteand that line, all on it's own, makes me think a hooker is talking...
maybe that's just me...
First of all, I have no problem with DL starting a story. ;) I'm sure that in the next line or so you'll clarify who's speaking.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit iffy on whether it hooks me or not--combined with the title, I'd probably say yes. Not hugely, but enough I'd read on.
Good luck!
Not bad, but not good either.
ReplyDeleteThis one is either yes or not. It doesn't stand along...but it wouldn't have to. I think anyone would at least read on to see what's too pricey, and who's saying it...so in that sense, this works. It all depends on the next few sentences.
ReplyDeleteNot enough to go on, and even with the title, it's not enough to tell whether it's humor, mystery, women's fiction.
ReplyDeleteHmmm . . . doesn't do it for me.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'd pass. I don't like not being told what is being spoken about in the dialogue at the start of a book. The dialogue doesn't reveal anything other than the fact that someone thinks something is pricey. And without a dialogue tag too boot, so I don't know who's speaking.
ReplyDeleteI can see "That's a little pricey, isn't it?" said Druzella, eyeing the shrunken head.
Or something to that effect.
Fred