TITLE: DUET WITH THE DEVIL’S VIOLIN
GENRE: Upper MG Magical Realism
I prepared for the downbeat, bow poised over the strings of the violin Mom and Dad bought me to celebrate being named the youngest ever concertmaster of the youth symphony.
Miranda Harper: concertmaster. I loved the sound of it. After a year waiting it out as principal second violinist “so I could observe and grow,” I’d finally made it. I wanted to jump up and dance, but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be concertmaster-like.
At least we’d played some Mozart last season. Good old Wolfgang sometimes let the second violins outshine the firsts.
Now it was my turn to shine, and we weren’t playing Mozart today.
My fingers tingled, like extra energy ran through them.
I’d been practicing this medley from Wagner’s The Ring of the Nibelung for weeks. It started with “Ride of the Valkyries,” a melody everyone recognized, either because they’d seen a fat lady singing it or watched Elmer Fudd warble, “Kill the Wabbit.”
I aimed for perfection. I knew it wasn’t really possible. Near perfection? Yes. Total perfection? No way. Something that sounded flawless always had minuscule errors.
A tone so slightly off pitch even someone with a highly trained ear couldn’t tell.
A note played a hundredth of a beat too soon.
A measure performed in mezzo piano instead of pianissimo.
I’d settle for the way my idol, Joshua Bell, once described it: when it’s perfect, he feels like he’s inside the music.
That’s what I wanted to feel--that I was inside the music. That I was the music.
Making classical music cool for kids is great, so premise wise I really like this. Strong writing and description in here too -- really liked the idea of being inside the music.
ReplyDeleteI wanted maybe a bit more action, sense of where this is headed, but otherwise I enjoyed this.
I really enjoyed this. I was pulled in from the very beginning with the challenge of being a young, competitive violinist. I'm quite interesting in seeing how the magic intertwines into this plot.
ReplyDeleteThe character was also realistic - her thoughts, feelings and motivations leaping from the page.
I always liked this one. Saw it in another contest a while ago. Great premise.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that the MC is a violinist AND wants to be the best. I wish I could see the query to know where this is going.
ReplyDeleteI like the opening, I have a great idea about the MC. You could tighten it up a bit by eliminating some of the passive voice. (Ex. At least we played some Mozart, I practiced, because they saw).
I so want to read more! Great job and Good luck!
Alas, no one ever writes about the plight of the poor violists. Maybe that should be my next manuscript...
ReplyDeleteI really liked the voice in this, the details rang true to my own middle-school orchestra experience, and I love that her goal is musical perfection. So many kidlit novels today focus on BIG WORLD-ENDING STAKES!!!, but this entry illustrates that smaller, more personal goals like this can be just as dramatic and emotionally effective. I would read on.
This sounds very different and interesting. There is one particular jarring 'note'. That's where she tells Joshua Bell's thought. By the sentence structure and punctuation I expected to read his thoughts. Instead we read her interpretation of his thoughts. That sounds off to my ear.
ReplyDeleteI also worry that though this is Upper MG, the language sounds rather adult.
But I would read on.
I don't like MG, but I like this which could be an issue. The writing was sophisticated and probably too much sophistication. If it truly is MG and not YA, then there may be a limited audience. However, I really do like this so good luck with it, and I hope I'm wrong.
ReplyDeleteI think this is one of the better entries on the blog. It has great voice and description and humor (love the comment about second violinists and Elmer Fudd). I usually like more action in an opening scene, but I am so drawn in by the voice that I don't care about the action. Nice job - good luck with this.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's too difficult for upper MG. I can think of a few MGs with challenging prose (e.g. His Dark Materials) and those tend to be the ones that have more cross-over appeal IMO. Obviously though, it's still something to watch for.
ReplyDelete**I prepared for the downbeat, bow poised over the strings of the violin Mom and Dad bought me to celebrate being named the youngest ever concertmaster of the youth symphony.**
I'd consider maybe taking out the bit about the violin being bought. I think maybe a shorter opening sentence could work a bit better. The next sentence also gets the concertmaster bit across (is that one word?)
**I loved the sound of it.** maybe cut this - we are shown it IMO.
**I wanted to jump up and dance, but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be concertmaster-like.** nice!
**A measure performed in mezzo piano instead of pianissimo.** great :)
Anyway overall I think this is a really good start - lovely premise too, and unique for MG.
I like this. A spirited, smart main character who's an accomplished performer at such a young age. (Wouldn't surprise me if some editor, or an agent, asked you to advance her age slightly and make this YA.) I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone! I recently changed this opening around, so I appreciate the feedback. I think I'll play around with that opening sentence a bit more. And good call, Jess, on the "I loved the sound of it" line. I debated whether I needed it. Sounds like I don't. Thanks again!
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