Wednesday, January 28, 2015

First Five Sentences #6

TITLE: The Park Kids
GENRE: MG Adventure

My name is Miranda, and I live in a park.

Not just any old park, mind you. The Park. The finest park this city's ever seen. Filled with gazebos and groves, and lakes, and a zoo even.

9 comments:

  1. Great voice. You nailed the MG voice. I'm just wondering why they live in a park. I would read more to find out.

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  2. Yep, this works for MG. I like the juxtaposition of her living in a park (what a bummer) with her description of it (she seems to take pride in it). It's surprising and that would make me read on. Nice job!

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  3. Great mg voice. I'd keep reading to find out why she lives in a park.

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  4. Nice MG voice! I'm right there in the setting and torn between thinking she's a poor kid or -- maybe not a kid at all. Good work!

    Christina

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  5. Nailed the voice. Great job!

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  6. Love this! We don't know if she's poor, child of the park caretaker, an animal or what, but it still sets the scene for me. I want to read on!

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  7. A setting builds in my mind, and so does a young character. Good job!

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  8. My first impression is that this is told from the POV of an animal, which I find very interesting. I would keep reading. He or she is obviously very proud to live in THE park. Nicely done.

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  9. Cool. Sounds like a young MC, definitely middle grade. She (is it a she? Please be a she!) sounds like a spunky, adventurous person writing a journal. The first sentence is very stereotypical of journal. (I am ________ and I live in ________.)

    Has a Boxcar Children feel to it.

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