Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Logline Critique Round #17

TITLE: Trans Liberty Riot Brigade
GENRE: Adult Science Fiction

In the future United Free States of Liberty, Andi, an intersex street junkie and resistance member must overcome h/er inner demons to save the Trans Liberty Riot Brigade from destruction and the lives of USF citizens from the corrupt government’s fake terrorist plot.


  1. Well, my first question is why. Why does Andi need to do this? And is there a timeline? Will this fake plot result in the death of all USF citizens in a week? Ten years? Would help to know what USF is as well. Finally, overcoming demons is not a tangible obstacle. What does this actually mean?

    Good luck!

  2. I don't get this: In the future United Free States of Liberty – is that all one thing? I'm not seeing the science fiction part. What is Andi's goal (saving the brigade? lives?)and what is stopping her from achieving it? Inner demons is vague and not substantial.

  3. I'm having trouble understanding this logline. I'm not sure what she must do or why.

  4. Awesome title! I'm feeling a snarky tone but that might be me. Is this a dystopian thriller? More of a commentary on our current climate? What will the government plot do if it succeeds? How will it affect her personally? Can she just expose the plot? Does she have to get a piece of evidence or a witness? Provide a hint to her skill set here? I know I'm reading into it but snarky rebels are my thing, so I keep seeing this "s/he foils more plots before 9 am then most people do all day" thing. Keep on keeping on. Cheers!

  5. I also really like your title. My one suggestion is to drop the word future from the first sentence. I'm guessing you're trying to imply the story is set in the future, but the genre and unknown country name should cover that. As is, it just makes me wonder what the past United Free States of Liberty must have been.

  6. Wow! It sounds like Andi's obstacle is turning from street junkie to hero. My suggest is, try to word this without using a pronoun, because h/er stopped me in my tracks to wonder ... typo?