Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Logline Critique Round #9

TITLE: Racing Eden
GENRE: YA Contemporary with fantasy elements

High school track star Anabelle Mason scrambles to maintain her life's careful order after the search for her missing grandmother leads her to a geographically impossible, probably magical garden -- and a sympathetic, if inconveniently distracting, boy.


  1. I really enjoyed this logline. It contains voice, it is carefully and intentionally worded, and it feels grounded. If I read this on the back of a book or digital summary somewhere, I would pick it up and give the first chapter a read. My only edit might be to change "probably" before magical to "definitely", to make it less vague and match the intentional wording present in the rest of the logline.

  2. You've got some of the right elements, but the order is confusing. Is the story incited by her grandmother going missing? If so, her goal is to find her. After that, we need to know what makes reaching this goal difficult. It sounds like the boy is one obstacle. Are there any others? And what will happen if she doesn't find her?

    Good luck!

  3. The order Holly suggests is : Need, inciting incident, goal, obstacles
    Need: to maintain order in her life
    Inciting incident: her grandmother goes missing
    goal: to find her grandmother?
    obstacles: a distracting boy? magical garden (Not sure how the obstacles relate to the need?) Hope that helps--it sounds good!

  4. I love your title and am guessing it refers to the "probably magical garden."
    There is something in the description that makes me feel uncertain. I agree with others that reordering might help, and perhaps reference or consideration of the connection between "racing" and "Eden."

  5. I agree with the others about ordering, but sounds interesting. I'm wondering what role her being a track star plays in the story.

  6. Love the title. I tie it to the track-star statement. I get that a magical garden and a boy could mess up any teenager, but I want to know Anabelle's stakes. What does she stand to lose/gain by entering this garden (or not) and befriending the boy (or not)? Great voice, BTW.