Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Logline Critique Round #3

TITLE: Shadowed Angel
GENRE: NA Paranormal

Magnolia never wanted to be a vampyr. Now Vladimir, a powerful vampyr who just happens to be her boyfriend's dad, wants to use her coveted super predator skills to conquer the vampyr race. She must find the strength to defeat him before he enslaves vampyr and humans alike.


  1. This is okay, but "find the strength" doesn't really tell me what she actually has to do. BE SPECIFIC!

    Good luck!

  2. maybe just say "She must defeat him before he enslaves vampyr and humans alike."
    I like it. I love vampire stories!

  3. Need, inciting incident, goal, obstacles
    Need: To not be a vampire/to be a normal woman? Inciting incident: Vladimir wants to use her super predator skills to conquer the vampire race. Goal: Defeat Vladimir before he enslaves vampyrs and humans. Obstacles: Not sure? I guess that's what holly's talking about when she says to be specific. Sounds interesting!

  4. You have to bring a twist for a vampire story these days, and maybe having your antagonist be the boyfriend's dad is the key. It definitely sounds creepy. I wonder what the son thinks of pop's crusade. How is she so different? Now that she's bitten, what does she want? Why does creepy-pop want to to take-over? Hmmm. Lots to think about. Cheers!