TITLE: Divided
GENRE: YA - SF
17-year-old Fiona has known Elam for a few months, and they're finally having their first date at a restaurant, where he announces that he's leaving town.
Elam’s sharply angled bangs hid his left eye. He tossed the hair back so she could see his face clearly before the heavily dyed hair fell forward again. “I wasn’t sure if it would matter or not.”
Fiona frowned. “If what would matter?”
“Me. Leaving. I mean, we spend a lot of time together online and in the bookstore, but I didn’t know if you…if we…” He sighed.
Fiona’s frozen innards melted into an ecstatic, quivering pool. “If we…?”
“Could be something. You and me.” Elam looked relieved now that the words were out. “I’ve got to get out of here for a while, Fiona. Things are just…messed up. Family stuff, and me, and…I didn’t know if you’d want to wait around for me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Fiona couldn’t muster more than a hoarse whisper. She cleared her throat. “I mean, I have that chance for an internship with a literary agency in New York, but that’s not until September, and...”
His hand slipped quietly over hers, cupping it like a turtle shell and sending sparks all the way up her arm. “Think about it, okay? Maybe we can have lunch tomorrow.”
Fiona’s world shrank to the warmth of Elam’s skin on hers. “Sure. Okay.”
“I should’ve told you sooner.” He stroked the side of her hand with his thumb. “I wouldn’t have left without saying something.”
“I know.” His touch left her breathless.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Talkin' Heads #2
TITLE: Crosses of Silver
GENRE: Adult - Historical Fantasy
Maeve, a respected Seer and Elder in her village has been spending a lot of time with Alcinder a newcomer who's presence in her village was forewarned as part of a Roman invasion to her clan's land.
“If you don’t know how to celebrate Yule, yet you are to join us, someone has to teach you.” Maeve mused aloud, a quiver in her voice. Turning to me, “unless you know which man part you want to play?”
“There is more than one part for a man to play -- What do you mean, go hunting in the middle of winter?” I shook my head, violently to clear the cobwebs. “There can't be anything worth eating out there.”
“Real men, men who are hunters go out, and usually find something.”
“You mean boys with something to prove.”
“At least they have pride enough to prove something, merchant.”
“Merchant now? I am a patriot of the Roman empire.”
“This isn’t Rome. We do things as a proper people of the land.”
“People? Where are they? Rome is coming to claim you.”
“Then we will fight you Roman.”
“Then you and your yuletide will die.”
“Why can you not talk like a real man? I brought you here to talk about you being with me for yule.”
“Why would I want to be with some backwards barbarian woman?”
“No wonder the village elders will not help you, stubborn Roman!”
“Do you really want to die instead of join us?” Maeve sounded incredulous.
“You really want me to be part of this Yule?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.”
GENRE: Adult - Historical Fantasy
Maeve, a respected Seer and Elder in her village has been spending a lot of time with Alcinder a newcomer who's presence in her village was forewarned as part of a Roman invasion to her clan's land.
“If you don’t know how to celebrate Yule, yet you are to join us, someone has to teach you.” Maeve mused aloud, a quiver in her voice. Turning to me, “unless you know which man part you want to play?”
“There is more than one part for a man to play -- What do you mean, go hunting in the middle of winter?” I shook my head, violently to clear the cobwebs. “There can't be anything worth eating out there.”
“Real men, men who are hunters go out, and usually find something.”
“You mean boys with something to prove.”
“At least they have pride enough to prove something, merchant.”
“Merchant now? I am a patriot of the Roman empire.”
“This isn’t Rome. We do things as a proper people of the land.”
“People? Where are they? Rome is coming to claim you.”
“Then we will fight you Roman.”
“Then you and your yuletide will die.”
“Why can you not talk like a real man? I brought you here to talk about you being with me for yule.”
“Why would I want to be with some backwards barbarian woman?”
“No wonder the village elders will not help you, stubborn Roman!”
“Do you really want to die instead of join us?” Maeve sounded incredulous.
“You really want me to be part of this Yule?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.”
Talkin' Heads #1
TITLE: A Rather Unusual Shoe
GENRE: YA - Fairy Tale
Prince Gareth and Lily are riding in a carriage. He’s mad because she just tried to sabotage his marriage plans, and she responded to the accusation by throwing a tray of cakes at him.
“I’m so sorry,” she gasped.
Gareth licked whipped cream from the back of his hand. “For telling me to pick Theodora or for giving me a lesson in cake decorating?”
She swallowed. “Both.”
“Tell me why you did it.”
Lily lifted her chin. “She would’ve been perfect for you. She’d have fawned over you and told you everything you wanted hear. She would’ve curtsied and smiled when it was appropriate and never made you angry.”
“And you would be free of this mission. Is that what you wanted?”
She crossed her arms and looked out the window. “I never wanted to come, you knew that.”
“And yet you did.”
Her lips tightened, but she said nothing.
“Why did you come, Lily?”
“You ordered me to.”
“Why else?”
Her chin quivered. “The kingdom needs a queen.”
“You’re lying. You came because you wanted to go south.”
She flinched, and he knew he was right.
“What’s in the south, Lily? Your shoemaker?”
“My- what?” She blinked at him.
The idea tore him from the inside. “Your shoemaker. He left to work for another shop in the south, and you’re following him, aren’t you? You said you kissed him.”
A white smear of frosting looked brilliant on her scarlet face. “I kissed him goodbye, Highness. On the cheek. As a friend.”
“Oh.”
She smiled wickedly. “It was the glassmaker’s apprentice I kissed.”
“Oh, well.” Gareth waved a hand to hide his flush. “He kisses everyone.”
GENRE: YA - Fairy Tale
Prince Gareth and Lily are riding in a carriage. He’s mad because she just tried to sabotage his marriage plans, and she responded to the accusation by throwing a tray of cakes at him.
“I’m so sorry,” she gasped.
Gareth licked whipped cream from the back of his hand. “For telling me to pick Theodora or for giving me a lesson in cake decorating?”
She swallowed. “Both.”
“Tell me why you did it.”
Lily lifted her chin. “She would’ve been perfect for you. She’d have fawned over you and told you everything you wanted hear. She would’ve curtsied and smiled when it was appropriate and never made you angry.”
“And you would be free of this mission. Is that what you wanted?”
She crossed her arms and looked out the window. “I never wanted to come, you knew that.”
“And yet you did.”
Her lips tightened, but she said nothing.
“Why did you come, Lily?”
“You ordered me to.”
“Why else?”
Her chin quivered. “The kingdom needs a queen.”
“You’re lying. You came because you wanted to go south.”
She flinched, and he knew he was right.
“What’s in the south, Lily? Your shoemaker?”
“My- what?” She blinked at him.
The idea tore him from the inside. “Your shoemaker. He left to work for another shop in the south, and you’re following him, aren’t you? You said you kissed him.”
A white smear of frosting looked brilliant on her scarlet face. “I kissed him goodbye, Highness. On the cheek. As a friend.”
“Oh.”
She smiled wickedly. “It was the glassmaker’s apprentice I kissed.”
“Oh, well.” Gareth waved a hand to hide his flush. “He kisses everyone.”
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Call For Submissions: Talkin' Heads
It's been a long while since we've had a Talkin' Heads round. Honestly, one of the weak spots I frequently notice in my editing work is dialogue. It's important to write our characters' words in such a way that they sound natural--the way people really talk. No paragraph-long chunks of text. No overly-formal language (like forgetting to use contractions, which is how most of us speak). And, for the love of everything chocolate, no coming up with seventy-eight different substitutions for the word said.
So here are the rules:
Drake backed away, wide-eyed. "All I said was--"
"Your hair. I need it."
"My--is this a joke?"
Philemonia reached for her dagger. "I have to do this."
"Do what?" Drake hit the wall behind him and realized he was trapped.
"It's...not personal." Philemonia's eyes glazed. "It's...I need your hair."
"Look, if you don't like the ring, I'll take it back."
"I love the ring."
She'd snapped. Clearly. "Keep it, then. Just...put the dagger down."
"Don't fight this." Philemonia raised the dagger. "You want it as much as I do."
----
Questions below. :-)
So here are the rules:
- This critique round is for DIALOGUE-RICH PASSES ONLY. As in, there should be ONLY A VERY LITTLE EXPOSITION, IF ANY. (Beats and tags don't count as exposition.)
- Submit a brief (1 to 2 sentences) lead-in, followed by your up-to-250-word excerpt.
- PLEASE NOTE: If your bit of dialogue is made up of fewer than 250 words, DON'T SEND MORE. This exercise is about focusing on the believability and effectiveness of dialogue.
- All genres except erotica and erotic romance are welcomed.
- Agented and unagented authors may submit. (Just, if you're agented, make sure your agent doesn't mind. Most won't.)
- Please submit using THE WEB FORM.
- The submission window will be open from 1 pm EST TODAY until 1pm EST TOMORROW, or until 30 entries have been received, whichever comes first.
- Entries will post on Thursday, January 14, for public critique.
- Please format as below (including italics):
Drake backed away, wide-eyed. "All I said was--"
"Your hair. I need it."
"My--is this a joke?"
Philemonia reached for her dagger. "I have to do this."
"Do what?" Drake hit the wall behind him and realized he was trapped.
"It's...not personal." Philemonia's eyes glazed. "It's...I need your hair."
"Look, if you don't like the ring, I'll take it back."
"I love the ring."
She'd snapped. Clearly. "Keep it, then. Just...put the dagger down."
"Don't fight this." Philemonia raised the dagger. "You want it as much as I do."
----
Questions below. :-)
Friday, January 8, 2016
Friday Fricassee
Happy New Year, dear ones!
I have been admittedly absent. Rest assured that I have every intention of continuing to bring you the in-house critique you're used to (and that I'm confident is helpful, as the peer feedback here is always so thoughtful and thorough).
Here are some thoughts/details/comments/whatnots as we begin the year:
I have been admittedly absent. Rest assured that I have every intention of continuing to bring you the in-house critique you're used to (and that I'm confident is helpful, as the peer feedback here is always so thoughtful and thorough).
Here are some thoughts/details/comments/whatnots as we begin the year:
- I'd like to focus on small, intense in-house critique this year rather than trying to keep up with a Secret Agent schedule. FEAR NOT -- we will still have Secret Agent contests! But here's the truth: There are so many contests out there. Some of them require that, once your entry has been accepted, you do not enter any other contests. This makes sense, and I support it. But I don't have time to research all the things and make sure my contests aren't bumping into others. I also always allow our Secret Agents to choose the weeks that work best for them in their designated month, so, really, I can't play the squeeze-the-contest-into-the-blank space game, anyway. My goal is to give you a longer heads-up time whenever there's a Secret Agent contest, so you can plan accordingly.
- In light of a higher focus on in-house critique, I am ASKING FOR YOUR INPUT IN THE COMMENTS BELOW concerning the following:
- Would you prefer crit sessions to be separated by category (adult/YA/MG)?
- Would you prefer crit sessions to be separated by genre?
- Would you prefer fewer entries in favor of slightly longer excerpts (300 words)?
- Would you prefer more entries with shorter excerpts (under 200 words)?
- On a personal level: My year has started out super-busy. It's performance week for the symphony chorus I sing in, which means I've been rehearsing or performing every night since Monday, with two performances yet to go. I'm also diving into another round of revisions on my latest novel (and having an absolute blast working out ideas with Danielle, who shares my vision for this story as if she is an extension of my own brain). Needless to say, the convergence of these two things has been a bit frustrating! I'm looking forward to next week, when I can hyperfocus on the revisions and hopefully crank them out quickly. For now, I'm sipping tea with honey and trying to keep my voice in shape for another forty-eight hours.
- All this to say that I will continue to not be around much. As soon as I'm back on a workable schedule, though, I will jump in with our first critique round of the year. I will also open another slot for a Premiere Critique, so keep your eyes open for that if you've been waiting. (Again, I just don't have the time right now to commit to a 1-week-turnaround line edit.) Thanks for hanging with me!
- Reminder: If you have a success story that you attribute either directly or indirectly to your participation in this blog, please do email me so that I can share your story!
Hugs to all! And happy writing. (I mean that. Writing should bring you joy, even when it's hard. Not that it's ever not hard. I mean...you know what I mean. <3 div="">
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