Friday Fricassee

What a fun assortment of Middle Grade!!  Thanks for all the great critique -- KEEP IT COMING!  If you haven't had a chance to leave feedback for your colleagues, don't hesitate to pop in any time over the weekend.

Participants, please remember to critique a minimum of 4 other entries.  Your way of giving back.

PSA from Operation Awesome for all entrants (whose work is FINISHED and POLISHED), and also any of you middle grade writers who missed the entry window:

Their PASS OR PAGES contest is open next month for MIDDLE GRADE SPECULATIVE FICTION.  If that's you, and if you'd like to enter for a chance to have your query and first page evaluated, GO HERE TO READ THE DETAILS.

(Note:  PASS OR PAGES includes agents, like our Secret Agent Contests.  So be sure your work is agent-ready if you decide to enter!)

For those of you who DON'T write Middle Grade:  The success of this week's critique round has encouraged me to do more of the same, so keep an eye out for the next one:  Adult Genre Fiction!  (Spread the word!  Spread the word!)

As for me--quick Authoress Update:

• I'm hitting 45,000 words in my WIP today.  SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!
• I'm also thickly into the planning of Another Novel, about which I am so excited that I can barely contain myself.  My protagonist now has a name (this was no small task--for whatever reason, her name simply would NOT come to me!  But now it has.), and I've developed a secondary character whom I'm already in love with.  I'm just exhilarated right now!
• Story Idea #2 won't go away, so this weekend I'm planning on jotting down all the little snippets that have been dancing around in my head over the past several days.  WHO AM I?

I'm so busy writing and planning and dreaming about stories that I haven't had a whole lot of time to obsess about the submission process, which feels SO VERY HEALTHY.  Sure, we've had a few early rejections come in, which is normal, but for the most part my manuscript is out in the editorial wild, and the silence is deafening (and also normal).  I'm thankful to have so much creative energy right now.  (If any of you figure out how to regulate that, rather than to simply be a victim of its fickle waxing and waning, please clue me in!)

All right, then -- onward!  Happy weekend, happy writing, happy everything!

Are You Hooked? Middle Grade -- Critique Guidelines

Ready to dig into our 40 MG excerpts??

Remember that, in addition to everything else you'd normally critique, we're looking for comments on VOICE.  Things to think about:

• Is the voice (particularly the main character) believable for the age?  Or does it sound a little too old or a little too young?  (In other words, if the protagonist is 12, does he sound like a believable 12-year-old?)
• Are their instances where the author's "grown-up voice" is showing?  (Turns of phrase, word choice, a perspective that is too adult, etc.)

General guidelines for critique on MSFV:

• Please leave your critique for each entry in the comment box for that entry.
• Please choose a screen name to sign your comments. The screen name DOES NOT have to be your real name; however, it needs to be an identifiable name.  ("Anonymous" is not a name.)
• Critiques should be honest but kind, helpful but sensitive.
• Critiques that attack the writer or are couched in unkind words will be deleted.*
• Cheerleading IS NOT THE SAME as critiquing.  Please don't cheerlead.
• Having said that, it is perfectly acceptable to say positive things about an entry that you feel is strong.  To make these positive comments more helpful, say why it's a strong entry.
• ENTRANTS: As your way of "giving back", please critique a minimum of 4 other entries.

*I can't possibly read every comment.  If you ever see a comment that is truly snarky, please email me.  I count on your help.

Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #40

TITLE: The Elephant Tree
GENRE: MG - Magical Realism

Armed with a book of spells and the necklace that was left with her at the orphanage when she was born, ten-year-old Tilly must contact her Haitian ancestors to cast a spell that will bring her broken adopted family back together. A Snicker of Magic with a sprinkle of vodou.

When I was little, I checked every flower I passed, sure I’d find a sleeping fairy nestled inside. Now, at just-turned-ten, I wasn’t so sure that kind of magic existed anymore. Not in my world.

Angry voices echoed up the hall to my bedroom as I blinked sleep from my eyes. I suck in a breath, listening, my eyes trained on the Grumpy Cat poster taped to my ceiling above my bed.

“You’re so stubborn sometimes, Teresa,” Daddy thundered from downstairs. “Why don’t you just admit it? We can’t go on like this.”

That cat looked just like Daddy sounded, all squinchy-faced and angry.

Mama shushed him, then said something in a quieter voice. A few seconds later, the front door creaked, then slammed. So much for Daddy’s birthday pancakes. Sliding Matilda off my nightstand, I burrowed deeper under the covers and traced the soft yellow spine of the book with my finger.
The special hard-backed edition mama got me would keep me company until things calmed down. I’d read it a zillion times, but the words still gave me hope that even the most awful things could work out okay in the end. Right now, I wished I could crawl right inside that story and stay for a while. Matilda was fierce and funny, powerful and magical.

“Happy birthday, baby girl!” Mama said, flinging the door open with a big smile and eyes a bit too shiny for happy thoughts. “Ten years old and nine years mine.”

Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #39

TITLE: CRAWLERS
GENRE: MG - Fantasy

The tunnels are home to eleven-year-old Lilly but as her body grows so do her fears. For when she grows too big she’ll be Taken. They all will. As secrets of the tunnels and her past are revealed she must make difficult choices to save herself and her friends or lose the only family she’s ever known.

There was a song the children knew, but kept to themselves:

Crawl and Creep
Creep and Crawl
Move on through
But don't get tall
Do your work
Zag then zig,
Move on through
Don't get big
Tunnels, tunnels
Walls get tight
Take you, Take you
She just might          
Lurking, watching
Always near
Might be pretty
But let’s be clear
Rotten, foul.
Beware her meaning.
May seem kind.
But likely scheming.

* * *

Lilly knew the tunnels as well as any of them. Heading to light her hearth to earn her meal, she paused - her hands and knees resting on the cool, firm dirt beneath her. The slight breeze always present in the narrow shafts brushed against her cheeks. Her stomach rumbled. Was that a clang far off or just her imagination? She didn’t believe the stories anymore—not really. The Beetle King, Brundibar the Centipede and all that. The old tales were for Smalls new to the tunnels. Stories to keep them wide-eyed and behaving. Though without the stories to explain their situation, things got as murky as the tunnels were dark. And the tunnels were dark.

Her flame carved a wobbling, deformed sphere of light into the darkness. The small shadow of a torch alcove was set in the upper right wall there to illuminate the tunnel. There was usually one every few paces. This one must have blown out. She touched her lit torch to the small space and a brief flash of blue added a welcome glow to the dim surroundings.

Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #38

TITLE: Walking in Webbed Feet
GENRE: MG - Fantasy and Science

Magically transformed into penguins, eight-year old Clara and her brother are attacked by skuas. Clyde the Penguin asks: when do skuas really pose a danger. To get home, the kids must find the answer…. This series wraps fantasy in science, pleasing fans of Bill Nye and the Magic Tree House.


"I saw him!" said Henry. He pointed to the bushes.

"Sure you did," said Charlotte. The leaves glowed in the afternoon sun. They looked as green as her lunchbox. Her empty lunchbox.

"But I did see him!" said Henry.

The school bus drove away. Their kitchen seemed far.

Henry grabbed her arm. "Look!"

Charlotte looked. Like she had a choice.

She saw oak trees. She saw the twisty creek.

"I don't see any penguins," said Charlotte.

Charlotte marched toward their home. She didn't want to play with Henry. She wanted a snack.

"You wouldn't see penguins," said Henry. He sounded cross. But he followed her down their long driveway. "It's one penguin."

Henry loved to imagine animals. Yesterday they had seen a Komodo dragon. An imaginary Komodo dragon. Today was a penguin. An imaginary penguin.

But Charlotte was almost nine years old. She was too old for Henry's games. At least sometimes. Like now.

"Henry," she said. "Penguins don't live in forests. They don't live in Illinois. They only live in the Antarctic."

"Du-uh," said Henry. He didn't sound cross anymore. He just sounded annoying. "That's why we need to look for him. He's lost!"

Her little brother never gave up. "I think he's just fine where he is," said Charlotte.

"What if he's hurt?" asked Henry. "We have to help him."

"It's hard for a pretend penguin to get hurt," said Charlotte.

"No, it's not," said Henry. "Maybe a leopard seal got him."