Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Drop The Needle 37

Only Tristan would think to drive with the roof open in this bitter cold, to wait until this late at night to venture across the Massachusetts countryside for an already-sleeping city, to head without thinking, without warning us beforehand …

Maybe that was the first moment I could appreciate Tristan the way Win seemed to, the quality that made him larger than us somehow: his ability to hurtle full speed where we merely crept, slow and ever-watchful.

I could have driven forever like that, even as my body numbed and my cheeks felt immobile with cold. But evidently Tristan did have a plan, because he pulled up to a curbside in front of the sparkling exterior of a hotel, tossed his keys at the uniformed valet in a movement that looked practiced, and spun around in a whirl of black, his voracious grin bidding us follow him.

We piled into the lobby of the plaza, three of us benumbed teenagers entirely out of our element, Tristan striding in decisively like he owned the whole place.

“We’ve got a hotel suite on the thirty-fifth floor,” he told us, walking backwards so he could encompass us with a theatric sweep of his arm, “And full access to the amenities down here… courtesy of Dad, of course.” He yanked out his shiny black credit card for us, answering all of our questions before we could even ask.

16 comments:

fairchild said...

Ha. Loved it! I usually don't go for char descriptions that involve little action but this worked for me. I got the sense that Tristan was confident, outgoing and daring. I think the description of his bold gestures really helped paint a picture of this guy.

Blodwyn said...

I liked it, aside from the ongoing first line which I think could be cut a bit. But Tristan was interesting - seemed like a wealthy kid who had a touch of wildness to him. For some reason I picture a young Robert Downey Jr., I'm not sure why.

Just_Me said...

You've created a fun character in Tristan :o) Good writing, I like.

Alicia said...

While most of the descriptions of Tristan come from the MC, I think it works in this context. Tristan seems wild and spoiled -- which makes me want to know more about his deeper side. Great SC so far, provided more than a credit card motivates him.

Lori said...

Although we got a good description of your SC Tristan, it was done through Telling, rather than Showing. So I can't say I got a good sense of him as a character because I didn't get to "experience" it myself.

Victorine said...

I liked Tristan. He seemed bold and decisive. I got the impression that 'dad' didn't know he had his credit card, which would make for interesting scenes later on!

disorderly said...

I liked this! At first I thought "uh-oh -- long passage of descriptive text," but you handled it quite deftly. I think it's your choice of words to express Tristan's grand movements and confidence that makes this work so well. Tristan really leapt off the page. Nice!

Joyce said...

I'm thinking Tristan is the SC.

I like the way you build up the description of him. First the bold wintery drive in a convertible, then tossing the keys to the valet in a movement that looked practiced. I'm guessing that Dad owns the hotel and Tristan is someone who basically assumes the world is there for his pleasure.

Beth said...

Tristan seems to me a might cocky... or very confident, always up for adventure. I wonder if he really had his father's permission to use the credit card...

Anonymous said...

Good sc development. I can picture him - I can hear him - I even learn something about the narrator from the prose. Bravo!

Kizmet

Yunaleska said...

Tristen seems like the person who always knows what to do, always has something organised. :)

Esther Jade said...

I'm guessing the SC is Tristan. I got more of a sense of him from when he strode into the hotel and flourished the credit card, than from the MC's description because that could just be her/his opinion. But what he does does back up that description.

Sponge said...

I was going to type a rather dour "Too much telling", but then I read on.

Yes - he does stand out and seems real to me as you describe. He does remind me of several real life people who irritate the heck out of me, but well done. ;]

Jessica said...

Tristan is quite fun, I thought.

Lyon said...

Great prose. Tristan seems larger than life and maybe even bit dangerous.

The first line did perplex me a bit. You may want to revisit it.

Merc said...

Great job showing Tristan's personality! He sounds like a very fun character and I'd love to see more about him. ;) Nice job.

~Merc